The Inevitability of Oversight
by Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet
Summary: Anakin has been at the temple for a while now and his life seems to have stabilized, mostly. No small feat for a time-traveling former Sith. But, even with support from those who know, this tentative balance can't last. It's only a matter of time, and with Sidious involved, he can only prepare and hope; not something he's exactly good at. Sequel to Dangers of Foresight
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note 1: This is a sequel/continuation of 'Hindsight is Not Perfect' and 'The Dangers of Foresight'. If you haven't read those, this probably won't make a lot of sense. Both can be found under my stories_

 _AN 2: Because it has been requested, here is a timeline for the 'Hindsight' series. The following is in chronological order:_

 _' **Hindsight is Not Perfect** ' – 32 BBY_

 _ **'The Dangers of Foresight'** – 32-31 BBY_

 _ **'Sharing Outsight'** – Aprox 2 weeks after DoF ends_

 _ **'Warmth of Resight'**_ _–_ _Early 30 BBY, aprox 1 month before IoO begins._

 _ **'The Inevitability of Oversight'** – Begins in 30 BBY (aprox 10 Galactic Standard months after DoF ends). _

_AN 3: Also, Anakin turned 10 not long after he reached the Temple, so he's 11 1/2, approaching the age of 12 right now. Well, physically._

xXx

 **Chapter 1**

Jedi Knight Nuun Hutchik stood in front of the Jedi Council calmly, not allowing his lekku to so much as twitch. The fact that he didn't know _why_ he'd been called before the High Council would have had him straining to hide the curling of his lekku only a few short years ago, but he'd been working on his control for a while and could now reap the reward of not looking like a nervous padawan in front of some of the most intimidating Jedi in the universe.

At least he hadn't been the only one called, although he couldn't really find a pattern judging from those others he knew, up to and including Master Jocasta Nu. She was one of the oldest historians and archivists in the Order, true, but Nuun himself specialized in sociology, especially those of the inner core. He gathered information about the political climate and ideals of the general populace in worlds where a Jedi had been requested most often. Although, as both a member of the order and the EduCorps, he'd also gone on his share of missions. He'd joined the EduCorps after he'd gone through his trials to become a knight and hadn't regretted the decision. However, some of the other people who had been called, other members of the EduCorps, didn't hold a Jedi rank as he and Master Nu (and a few others here) did. So it couldn't be a mission they'd been called for. No, he had the feeling that whatever the reason for the summons, it would require a lot of studying, searching and reading.

But then, why hadn't Master Nu, the lead archivist and the head of the EduCorps, called them and explained what they were to do? Why the High Council? What could the EduCorps have that the High Council needed? And why so many? The people here weren't fighters or defenders or negotiators or ambassadors. They were scholars and researchers in their specific fields – which varied greatly.

Over on the end of the line those called had organized themselves into, stood two people, both of which he knew. Ruoda Ooak, a duros specialist who had been reassigned at the age of thirteen and did not hold a Jedi rank, specialized in cultures of the Mid Rim. With her near-photographic memory for almost anything she'd been told, she was one of the most revered EduCorps members for her age. The older human she spoke to was a Jedi Master, Tedrick Slilt who specialized in general Galactic history. Next to him, thoughtfully staring into space, stood Kishta Maat, a rare EduCorps torgruta who specialized in studying inter-planetary relationships.

Nuun repressed a sigh. He really had no idea what was going on, but he supposed that he was about to find out as it looked like the Council would finally address them.

"Thank you all for coming today." It took him a moment to realize that neither Master Yoda nor Master Windu had spoken, but Master Koon. That was... unusual.

"We have asked you here to give you an assignment that may dictate the future of the Jedi Order."

What?

"Everyone here has specialized in an area that will be beneficial to this project."

Nuun blinked again and surreptitiously glanced down the line of Force users again. Nope, still not seeing a connection.

"Each of you will be assigned a partner and then a topic to study. You will then research and present your findings in the form of an argument both for and against a change to be made to the base operation of the Jedi Order."

This time, Nuun was sure he wasn't the only one whose eyes had widened, and despite his best effort, his lekku curled for a moment before he managed to release his emotions to the force, which in turn, allowed them to relax. Blast it. But base operations? How base were they talking? Like the _code_ base? Was this more or less an internal audit of the entire Order? He glanced to either side of him and realized that, yes, those called made much more sense after hearing that. Now if he could only get his mind to wrap itself around the idea.

"We know this is unexpected, and we do not expect a lot to change, but some things have been brought to our attention and we cannot continue without examining these issues. Each pair will be looking at the history of the Order and why each policy came into being, what the social and political climate of the time period was and why such policies had not been implemented before that point. You will then compare that to the current social and political climate and how each topic benefits or doesn't benefit the Order today. Any other points we as a Council need to consider should be included as well."

Nuun was staring in open shock, just barely keeping his jaw from dropping open at this point. Were they serious? Well, that was a dumb question, this was the Council, but _still_...

"Master Tedrick Slilt, your partner will be Specialist Kishta Maat, and you will be researching the reasons behind the age limit of initiates." The older human and torgruta both stepped forward and received the data pad Master Gallia handed out.

Two by two, they were each called forward and asked to research things Nuun wouldn't have thought the Council would _ever_ question. Two were assigned the reason why Masters only took one padawan at a time, and the effect that had on the current Order. Two were assigned to research the Jedi Service Corps and the policy of reassigning children who did not gain the attention of a master by the age of 13 (they were to focus on the reassigning and why people got reassigned, not the reasons behind the age limit, although they could work with Master Slilt and Specialist Naat if they so wished). Two were assigned the Jedi Order in relation to other Force sensitive groups and organizations in the galaxy. Master Nu herself and one of the other oldest, most respected EduCorps leaders, a rodian named Deerokko Ketu (who specialized in the study of wars and the prevention thereof), were assigned the Code itself as well as the 'no attachment' rule. One pair was even given the assignment of researching weaknesses enemies of the Order, both past and present (they specifically mentioned Sith for some reason that Nuun didn't want to think about), could exploit.

Nuun was given Ruoda as a partner and they were assigned to research the Jedi Order's relation to the non-Force-sensitive population in the galaxy. How the two groups interact, what each side expected of the other and how people viewed the Order in the past as compared to now. They also were asked for the possible side effects of the current standings.

Needless to say, he wasn't the only one who walked out of there in a sort of shocked daze.

xXx

Anakin raced down the hall towards Siri's quarters. His mind still hadn't really digested the information he'd just received. He just... couldn't seem to really wrap his head around this new development. It was shock, he recognized. He had quite literally gone into a mild shock.

He made a token gesture of knocking on Siri's door, sensing to make sure that she was there and alone (both were true, thank the Force), before he stormed inside. The blond woman was pacing nervously back and forth at one end of the apartment. So either she'd heard, or Anakin's emotions were affecting her again.

At the sound of the door opening, she looked over at him and he wasn't sure exactly what expression crossed her face, but eventually she settled on a sort of tired resignation that Anakin thought didn't suit her at all.

"Obi-wan took Ferus Olin as a padawan!" he blurted out as soon as the door closed.

"I heard," she said softly and looked away.

His own gaze lost focus as he, almost frantically, tried to figure this out, mind racing and tuning out the world around him. It didn't help.

"Anakin," he heard her say firmly and looked back at her. "What are you feeling right now?"

That actually snapped him out of the daze and put him into analytical mode, for which he was grateful. It seemed all of the practice he'd had with Girth these last several months (had it really already been almost a year that he'd been going to therapy?) had given him that, at least.

"Shocked," he responded immediately.

Siri snorted and waved her hand through the air. "You're not the only one."

Anakin managed a weak smile for a moment before he felt it vanish, and he went back to analyzing what he felt.

"A little... betrayed, I think."

She came and sat down on the couch, gesturing for Anakin to take a seat as well. "Why?"

Anakin thought hard about that. Why was he feeling betrayed over someone who hadn't really been _part_ of his life in this timeline? He'd known that, gone over it again and again both by himself and with his mind-healers. And yet...

"I... think I always wanted to believe that Obi-wan – our Obi-wan – would have chosen me, even if he hadn't been forced to by Qui-gon's promise." Yes, that definitely felt right. There was more to it, but that was a huge chunk of it. "I guess this proves he wouldn't have." He let out a humorless chuckle. "Maybe that's why I always had issues with Ferus. He really does make a better padawan for Obi-wan than I ever did."

"Stop it," Siri growled. "This is no time for self pity. We've already changed enough in this timeline that comparing this Obi-wan's experiences to our Obi-wan is nothing short of an exercise in futility. Besides, you're immensely different here as well." She sighed and slumped a little on her couch.

"Do you feel anything else?"

Anakin paused. Even after this long, sharing his emotions wasn't... easy. He wasn't sure it ever would be, but it had helped, more than he'd thought it could. A lot more. And he was getting pretty good at it, if he did say so himself.

"Sad... I guess. I mean, part of me still balks at the idea of becoming his padawan again, but part of me – a large part of me – wants what we had back. He told me I was his brother. That he loved me. I was too angry and power-drunk at the time to really believe him then, but... I do now. And now that I do believe it..." He shook his head. "We don't know what we have until it's gone, I suppose. I... just never thought..." He never thought that he and Obi-wan wouldn't eventually be a team. Part of him still held out some kind of hope, but he tried to squash it.

Siri sat forward, speaking in a soft, reassuring voice. "Just because Obi-wan has taken Ferus doesn't mean you can't still be close. You and Obi-wan are still on good terms, and maybe if you become his padawan's friend you can help Ferus be a little less..." she paused, looking for the right word.

"Stuck up?" Anakin asked with a smirk.

The blond shot him a withering glare, but didn't dispute it. Then she took a deep breath and let it out again.

"You know," she said after a moment, her voice soft and nostalgic again, "before you showed up, he came by to tell me about his new padawan. I asked him why he'd taken Ferus and he told me that mainly he didn't want to see another kid, 'far more talented than' him – his words, not mine – hit the age of 13 and be sent to the Service Corps. Then he said, 'The Force didn't say "no" when I asked.'"

Anakin blinked. He hadn't known that Obi-wan had almost aged out. Obi-wan told him that he and Qui-gon had had a rocky start, but he hadn't realized it had been _that_ bad.

Siri shook her head and stood up, heading over to the kitchen area and grabbing some tea cups. "I think he's still having problems dealing with... well, everything. I know it's been almost a year, but he's still hurting. He's also healing. This really is a good development."

Well, Anakin had to concede that point. This Obi-wan was still grieving, and him taking a padawan was actually a very positive step forward that spoke well of his own emotional progress. So why did it sound like Siri was trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Anakin?

"Also, he told me he's going to learn Soresu, 'so that his padawan will never have to lose his master the way I lost mine'."

They sat in silence for a minute while Anakin digested that. Then he shook his head. "I still think he needed mind-healing just as much as we did. Still do, I guess."

"No argument there," Siri replied. "But he's still being stubborn and won't go see one unless he gets an order from the Council." A charged silence fell as Siri continued to work in the kitchen. Then she stilled and Anakin turned to see her standing there, staring at the water she'd just begun to warm.

"Siri?"

"I also asked him about you," she said softly. "He... looked so shocked when I asked why he'd taken Ferus and not you. The utter surprise on his face... You know how he is. There are times when he's just so open that you can't help but know he's being completely honest. That it hasn't even crossed his mind to lie. With one of _those_ expressions, he said that he never really considered it because he thought I was going to take you on once I got knighted."

Anakin blinked. The shock from before returned with a vengeance.

Siri went on. "I didn't think you and I had been spending that much time together, but from what I understand, he isn't the only one who thinks that."

The former Sith looked down as his mind raced. It had to be the lightsaber practice they did more or less every other day. He'd long-since surpassed all of the classes remotely close to his age, and Siri had taken to coming in and teaching him during saber class. It had earned him a few mild glares from some of the other students that he didn't know well. He tried to help out with the class whenever he could, however, so he didn't feel nearly as ostracized as last time. Also, he'd seen a great improvement in his little group of 'friends', as well. Hik'te and Coira were easily the head of the rest of their class, Hale wasn't far behind, Thoran had improved markedly, and even Maelee had risen from her position of last place. He liked to think his tutelage had a lot to do with it.

He and Siri had also benefited from the arrangement and had seen obvious improvements. In all honesty, Anakin still felt frustrated by his lack of saber ability, but found himself pleased with his progress. It was a... new state of being for him. He wasn't used to feeling pleased about anything he did unless other people praised or acknowledged him. But he'd begun to learn that he needed to compare himself to himself, not to others (and not to his future self either). As long as he was better today than he was yesterday, then it was an accomplishment he could be proud of. It was still a... strange idea to him, but one he was getting used to. Sort of. He still hated to duel a master or even advanced knights as they tended to wipe the floor with him even now, but it was something he was slowly learning to accept. He had value no matter what he did, and as long as he progressed, that was enough.

There were still days he didn't believe that though. He wondered if that would ever change, if the bad times would just slowly disappear as more days where he believed the healthier train of thought crowded out the days where he reverted to his initial slave mentality. He hoped so.

Siri cleared her throat, drawing Anakin out of his musings. Then she spoke. "The Council says they will send me through the trials, traditionally this time. Someone else must have gotten the under-cover mission to take out Krayn. I guess I was considered too emotionally unstable." She snorted again, some of her old humor coming back. A little coma and only two months of questioning my reality, and they thought I would be too compromised."

She still sounded a bit off. He supposed he could understand that... and relate.

The former Sith cocked his head, a little worried. "Are you upset you didn't get the mission?"

She sighed. "No, not really. I hated and always felt guilty about what I had to do under that man. I still have to constantly release my guilt and anger from that time to the Force, although it's gotten much better lately."

Anakin's eyes widened. Right. As an undercover agent, she would have more or less had to completely subject herself to the slaver she'd been investigating. She'd become little better than a slave herself, in all actuality. He hadn't realized before that she understood where Anakin was coming from, albeit to a much lesser degree. She'd also had a noble, idealistic cause behind her actions, but still.

"I... took Ferus as a padawan fairly soon after my original Knighting," she continued. "I'm having a difficult time picturing my future without him there."

The former Sith nodded. He could relate.

"You're a Jedi. You'll figure it out," he muttered, trying to be more supportive. It had been yet another thing he and his mind-healers had been working on. According to them, when you focus on helping other people through their problems, you often find a way through your own. He wasn't quite sure he believed that as thoroughly as they insisted upon it, but even their small suggestions had really been helping him, so he'd begun to get into the habit. Besides, he'd always liked helping others – well, when he hadn't been completely subservient to the dark side.

"Ferus and Obi-wan will make a good team," he said a little louder, still trying not to feel hurt about that. He hadn't realized just how much his relationship with Obi-wan meant to him, baggage or not. Without the idea of Obi-wan there he felt kind of... lost. As much as he hated to admit it.

Siri hummed thoughtfully. "Yes, they will."

He could sense sadness and loss from her too. She wasn't hiding it from him or herself like she'd tended to after they'd first come back, and that had to be a positive development. She continued to let the tea steep and came back into the room, taking her previous seat.

"I... think Ferus was protecting Leia," Anakin said, thinking over his later encounters with the man. "In the future, I mean. Well, the _other_ future."

"What?" his blond companion asked, surprised. "What makes you think that?"

Anakin returned her bewilderment. "You... don't remember?"

She frowned. "Remember what?"

A sick feeling started climbing up his esophagus. He felt his fists clench and tried to control the apprehension rising within him. "How he died," he said slowly.

Silence fell as Siri wracked her memory for that.

"No... I don't."

Trying not to make it look abrupt, Anakin rose. "I see. Well, we'll have to discuss that at a different time. I must be going to class."

It was a blatant lie. He didn't have class for another hour at least. But they'd just gotten to a point where they were amiable, friends even. He didn't want to have what they'd tentatively built torn down, and he _really_ didn't want to see the defensive, distrusting Siri from a year ago return.

Too bad he'd never been diplomatic. Even he almost winced at the obviousness of his words as soon as they'd come out of his mouth.

"You killed him, didn't you." Anakin froze. After a very pregnant pause in which Anakin didn't move, Siri continued, "I know he survived Order 66 because he wasn't a Jedi. I know he almost went dark... because he hated you. He... knew, didn't he?"

Anakin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, releasing his fear to the Force, and then he sat back down as calmly as he could. "Yes. To this day I am not entirely sure _how_ he figured it out, but he did. I suspect he had some connection with Obi-wan, but I never found the proof. Perhaps he simply joined the rebellion, but he'd disappeared beforehand. For years. I think I always knew he wasn't dead, but when he confronted me... " He let out a slow breath. "It was a distraction. I know the Princess... Leia, was there, but his efforts let her escape me. I am grateful now, as I may not have let her live had she fallen into my custody at that point." Had that been before or after he'd found out about Luke? He couldn't remember.

That blasted heavy silence returned as he awaited her verdict on his actions.

"I would be lying if I said that didn't upset me," she said finally. "But, I don't feel surprised, so I think I already knew." Either that, or she just wasn't shocked that, as a Sith, he'd killed someone very dear to her. It had been something he'd done to people on a fairly regular basis during that period of his life.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," Anakin muttered, amazed at how easily he could say that now. Say it and mean it, too.

Siri closed her eyes and took a deep breath, obviously releasing her emotions to the Force. "I know you are, Anakin. I haven't doubted that for a while now."

The admission warmed his heart, and he couldn't help but feel as if a weight had lifted off his chest at her words. "Thank you," he said softly, but sincerely.

The quiet that followed felt more companionable than anything as she went back into the kitchen and fetched the tea.

"So," he ventured hesitantly as his mind went over their conversation. "Are you planning on taking me as a padawan?"

She sighed as she walked back into the room and put a cup down in front of him. Milk, no sugar, no cream, just as he liked it. Maybe they really had been spending too much time together.

"I don't know. I guess that would depend on whether it would help our plans or not. I mean, it isn't like you need me trying to teach you or anything."

"True," Anakin conceded easily. He thought about that for a moment, then shook his head. "No, not right now," he said. "It could disrupt a few too many plans we've already put in place." Such as the Ambassador program. That entire situation had surprised them greatly as Palpatine hadn't taken any of the Jedi children as an aid. Somehow, Anakin couldn't help but think that this had something to do with Dooku's acceptance of Sidious' offer. That might also explain why the program had changed from one month stints to three month stints regarding how each initiate and they didn't work in pairs. Sidious wasn't trying to go through every child as quickly as possible to find an ideal candidate anymore.

Still, their third 'shuffling', as they'd begun to call the process of changing padawans and the senators they aided, would be happening soon, and it seemed Palpatine might actually ask for someone this time.

Surprisingly, his time at the Senate hadn't been much of a strain on his, or any of the other Initiates' schedules. They were, for all intents and purposes, glorified gophers for a few hours a week. Truthfully, Anakin wasn't too upset about that. The job didn't have a whole lot of responsibility attached to it and many often forgot that the initiates were even there. He'd still managed to catch and point out a few things when the senators and their aides had been researching, but had come across nothing of note – well, to him.

His first assignment had been to Hisket Borra, a torgruta from a colony world in the mid-rim. His second had been, surprisingly enough, to Bail Antilles of Alderaan.

He was pretty sure he'd been able to hide the awkwardness he'd felt in that assignment for the first few weeks. That man's child had adopted Anakin's daughter. Anakin had held said daughter back while their planet was destroyed. Antilles had initially supported Padmé's vote of no confidence in the other timeline and was a pretty staunch supporter of Palpatine now – The Chancellor who wore the mask of a saint.

Anakin had little doubt that Antilles was a good person. He was also a good politician and thus, Anakin couldn't help but be wary of him, even if they had parted on good terms.

His third appointment had been to that of Je'crie'mo from a Mid Rim planet called Parthor. He didn't remember anything about the senator or the planet when he'd initially heard of them and that hadn't changed much. In honesty, they seemed like fence-sitters: people who didn't choose a side until one obviously won. Needless to say, Anakin hadn't been impressed, but they had still been average people whom he hadn't had issues being around.

All in all, the whole program had been one pleasant surprise, more of a break than anything, really.

Somehow, though, he knew this was the calm before the storm. Eventually, he would have to face Palpatine. Xio, Girth and Siri were all still against it, but Anakin was adamant. If anyone had to face the Sith Lord, he would not let it be an inexperienced initiate.

"We may not have much of a choice if it takes too much longer to get any blackmail on Palpatine," Siri muttered, and Anakin had to backtrack. It took him a moment to realize that she was still stuck on the idea of him becoming a padawan. Right.

He considered her words and nodded. "True, but we have two years until I age out."

Siri didn't speak for several seconds, studying him again, an almost proud expression on her face.

"What?" Anakin asked, puzzled.

"The way you said that," she replied. "No fear – no negativity at all, really. You're just stating a fact. You sound like you truly don't care either way."

The younger Jedi considered that for a moment. "I don't," he finally replied. "I only care about taking out Palpatine. That's all that really matters at this point."

This time, Siri frowned.

He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Your future matters too, Anakin."

For several seconds, neither one of them spoke as Anakin considered that, even more confused. Why would his future matter? Except as it correlated to the universe and the survival thereof. It wasn't like he deserved a good future. Not after everything he'd done.

He'd told her that before, though, and simply couldn't fathom why she'd disagree. She said she'd forgiven him, but that didn't mean he'd made up for his past. He wasn't sure he ever could.

Sensing the old argument, and obviously not up to the challenge, Siri sighed. "We'll discuss it later."

"Very well," he replied, thankfully letting the matter drop.

"Anything from Dooku?" she asked, before continuing to sip her tea.

Anakin sighed and shook his head. He had gotten a few updates from the Count but nothing really concrete. Not that he'd expected otherwise. Apparently, neither had Siri. They'd told Yoda about him and their suspicions. The Grandmaster hadn't been happy about the whole thing, his ears had drooped further and further the more Anakin and Siri had told him. After they'd finished, he thanked them for their efforts on his padawan's behalf before shuffling sadly away. If only for the old troll's sake, he found himself holding out hope that Dooku was actually resisting, even if he knew better.

She sighed sadly and shook her head. "What about Fett?"

The former Sith felt his mouth thin. "I actually have heard from him recently. He wants to meet me."

Siri raised her eyebrows. "He what?"

"He wishes to meet me. I've already set up a time and place." He forced himself to speak as if he were stating a fact, hiding how uneasy the circumstances made him. He'd hadn't received confirmation regarding his updated slave list that he sent the man several months ago, although he'd reported mission success at least once a month, if not more, requesting new drop-off points and his payments.

When Anakin had sent it a second time with an explanation that he'd received word that these slaves were either already freed or dead, Fett had responded with an affirmative. Everything should be going fine now, so why would the bounty hunter want to meet up with him? Especially with how he'd worded the missive...

Fett wasn't happy with him, and Anakin didn't know why, but he felt he had to meet the man, if only to try and talk him down from turning any information about him over to Palpatine. Anakin had looked up the bounty on his head, and it wasn't insignificant.

"You shouldn't, then," Siri said, nervously. "He might try something."

Anakin shook his head again. "If I don't, he _will_ try something. I worked with Boba Fett a lot under the Empire. Jango is old Mandalore and follows that code, albeit loosely, but he's still fairly predictable."

Siri snorted. "Of course he's predictable. He'll put a blaster to your head the moment your back is turned."

"While I can see why you would think that, I can guarantee you, he won't. At least not until we've spoken." The moment they finished their conversation, all bets could be off, but as long as Anakin went in knowing that, he didn't have a problem with it.

"Do you want backup?" Siri asked.

Anakin thought about that for a moment, then nodded. "That could be useful."

The woman sighed. "I'll make plans for it. When are you meeting him?"

"Three days from now, in the evening." It was the weekend day and thus, Anakin didn't have any classes.

Siri frowned. "I should be able to get out of previous engagements." She continued to think on that before nodding. "Yes, I'll be there. Meet you here at..." She faded off, shooting him an expectant look.

"Seventeen hundred hours. That will give us enough time to make a plan, don our disguises, and get into place."

"He'll have the same idea."

"Undoubtedly."

Siri rubbed the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. "You still haven't told Master Yoda about this, have you."

Anakin shook his head, looking (and feeling) completely unrepentant. Actually, he'd only told Siri because she'd somehow managed to catch him sneaking out to race and insisted she at least tell him of his more shadow-based activities. Once she had realized she wouldn't be able to talk Anakin out of his personal crusade, she'd agreed to keep it a secret as long as she could accompany him and back him up when he needed it. Bleersh hadn't been too happy when he'd initially shown up with Siri in tow. He'd been convinced she'd turn them all in. But after a few times, he'd warmed up to her (as much as the bookie ever really could) and was even grateful for the extra protection she provided. He'd insisted that they never bring their lightsabers out – ever – but had been happy enough to provide them with some rather... illegal firearms and then encouraged them to protect themselves and him. She'd even agreed to race for Anakin when he couldn't make it.

All in all, she was very supportive. It was... weird.

"I still think you should tell him."

Right. Master Yoda. Anakin really needed to work on staying focused. It was harder, as of late, and he suspected more physical development of his childish brain. He knew such changes were positive and would help him in the future, but that didn't stop it from being frustrating now.

"No," Anakin said, voice firm. "It doesn't matter whether he knows about Fett or not, as I refuse to quit my quest to release slaves. I would prefer to not have to explain myself again. It is as simple as that."

"I think he already knows."

The former Sith blinked. "He... does?"

Siri nodded.

And just how did he know? Anakin gazed at her suspiciously, but she held her hands up and shook her head in the universal gesture of 'not me'. She seemed sincere enough that he accepted it and shrugged. "Then it is doubly as pointless to tell him anything."

She sighed.

"Are you still going on the Gathering next week?" she asked, changing the subject again as they'd agreed to disagree on the previous one.

"I do plan on it. Will you be covering for me in the racing circuit?"

"Yes," she said reluctantly.

He glanced at her and smiled. She didn't want to, but she was still supporting him. "Thank you."

She returned the smile, albeit a bit wryly.

"What about Ahsoka? Have you visited her recently?"

Anakin frowned. "I have had... little time."

Siri raised one unimpressed eyebrow.

After a few seconds, Anakin sighed. "Very well, I will visit her tonight."

"Good," Siri replied with a nod of her head and a smile. "And how is your friend doing? The one who's training under Master Xio?"

"Coira?" he paused and raised an eyebrow in Siri's direction. "I realize it has been a while since we simply talked, but since when did this become a catch-up conversation?"

She rolled her eyes fondly. "Since you needed to get your mind onto something else."

He actually chuckled. "I see. She is doing as well as can be expected. Her life hasn't as changed much as initial padawans lives can. Master Xio doesn't leave the Temple often, but she is enjoying the new courses on mind-healing."

Siri frowned. "I'm hearing a 'but' in there somewhere."

Anakin thought about that for a moment before nodding. "I think she's having trouble adjusting, despite the few changes she has. I am not sure as to why. Truthfully I do not believe she does either."

"That sounds frustrating, but every new padawan/master relationship has a period of discomfort and adjustment."

"True," Anakin conceded, thinking back to his own first few months with Obi-wan and then shuddering. So much for getting his mind off of the situation at hand.

After a moment, he put his cup down and looked over at Siri. "Would you join me for lightsaber practice?" If he really wanted to get his mind off of everything, that would be the best way.

Somehow, she looked like she'd been expecting that. "We've already practiced today."

"Another session won't hurt us."

She laughed. "I guess not. Give me a moment to get my saber and I'll be right there."

xXx

Four days later, Anakin received word: Palpatine had asked for a young Jedi Ambassador. It was official: Anakin would be working under Darth Sidious again.

xXx

 _AN: This does NOT mean that Obi-wan and Anakin are finished! They still have plenty of bonding coming up! Promise!_

 _Also, expect updates once every few months. I have a lot going on right now, including putting up a new webcomic! It's a gag comic with a bit of a story behind it, and completely free! It's on webtoons under 'discover', look up HACamp (author) and it should be the only one that comes up. I'd appreciate people taking a look at it. Just note, this is my first webcomic. I'm trying to keep the quality up, but yeah..._


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow, this room had become so comfortable for him. No, that wasn't quite the right word. Pleasant? Happy? Maybe, but not quite. No...

 _Safe_.

Yes, that was the right word.

Well, safer than other parts of Coruscant or even the Temple.

It was a silly thought, now that he examined it. This room was merely a meeting place. And yet, the people he met with here reminded him of his mother. Or at least the feeling of security he got around them reminded him of his mother.

His mother whom he'd been able to talk to not even a month ago. Hearing her go on about how proud she was, and her life and how she was happy, despite remaining on Tatooine, and how much she appreciated everything the Jedi did...

It had been a whirlwind of emotion that he'd had to go through with a fine-toothed comb with both Healer Girth and Master Xio. Actually, this would be the first session that he would come to after his call to his mother where they wouldn't focus specifically on that happenstance.

No, in this session they would talk about how Anakin felt towards his new assignment as Palpatine's Jedi Ambassador.

He wasn't looking forward to it – either the meeting or the assignment.

He sat there with a drink in one hand, unable to really stomach the idea of eating a pastry at this point, clutching the cool duraplast cup as if his life depended on it as he stared out the window. In the distance and off to the side, he could see the Senate building looming over the horizon like a great, mechanical boil.

"Anakin," Girth's voice had Anakin slowly turning to look at him. "Can you talk about it yet? Are you ready?"

A year ago, Anakin would have dodged the question. Six months ago, he would have said 'yes' without much thought (and then stumbled through something that wasn't even remotely related, utterly confused as to why he couldn't say what he wanted). Now...

"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready," he said honestly, turning his gaze back to the distant Senate building. "I'm kind of numb right now."

"Numb out of choice, or out of necessity?" Girth asked slowly.

Anakin thought about that for a moment. "I'm... not sure."

"We don't have to speak about it if you don't want to."

For several seconds, they remained silent while Anakin mulled that over. He could feel his emotions riling under the calm numb blanket, which was actually probably a good thing overall. It meant he had a modicum of control for now, but could reach those emotions if he really wanted to.

He didn't.

But he knew he had to. And the sooner the better.

That didn't make the prospect any easier.

"I... think I have to," he said finally, voice low. "If I face him as I am right now..."

And there was a spike of fear piercing the numb. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and released it to the Force as best he could. He still wasn't all that great at it. Even worse than he had been the first time around, if he were honest.

"If you think you can do it right now, I'm here to help," Girth assured him. "If not, Master Xio will still see you in a couple of days."

Anakin swallowed. He liked Master Xio. He really did. She'd become one of the few Jedi he felt he could really respect. But he wanted to speak about this with Girth first. For some reason, he trusted the drall more.

"I think I'm scared," he whispered.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Girth nod. "Understandable."

"No..." Anakin's voice went even softer. "I'm _terrified_." He still hated admitting that, but knew it was necessary right now if he wanted to begin to untangle the knot of pain and negativity his emotions had become.

"Of what, Anakin?"

The former Sith blinked and turned to look at Girth with a puzzled expression. "I would have thought that was obvious."

Girth shook his head. "You mistake my meaning. Let me rephrase that. Why are you scared Anakin? What about seeing that man again scares you? What are you afraid will happen?"

Oh, he was looking for specifics.

Anakin opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. His chest felt tight and it was taking conscious effort to keep his breathing even... or going. Sometimes he really did miss the ventilator that would do it for him.

After several seconds, he managed to get something out. "I'm... afraid he'll..." he swallowed. "I'm afraid he'll turn me again."

"Anakin, turning is your choice. It always was, and it always will be. He just lied to you to validate your decision."

"I know that," Anakin responded, his voice raspy and eyes still stuck on that building on the horizon. "I know that and yet..." He finally turned and locked Girth's gaze. "You've never seen what that man can do. How he gets inside you with the smallest word. How he takes your barest thought and makes it a maelstrom you can't ignore. How he tears down every truth you've ever held yourself to and leaves you in tatters, then builds you back up as he needs you without you ever realizing. I'm not stupid by any means... but I am... volatile at times, and I am nowhere near as intelligent as he is, or as experienced – even now."

Girth cocked his head to one side. "So you are afraid that he will take the truths we have built and tear them down?"

Anakin blinked and nodded. "Partly."

"And the other part?"

This time, the 11-year-old swallowed. "I'm not... healthy yet. I can see that now. I'm not sure I'll ever have a freeborn mind set."

"As long as you're aware of it, it's something we can work with, though," Girth said slowly, looking troubled.

Anakin nodded. "Indeed. I... I can acknowledge that I have made strides forward, even if it doesn't feel like it. But it's not _enough._ He'll be able to take advantage of me as I am. Root out old problems I haven't been able to address yet... and somehow make his words seem so _true_. He can make things that you don't even _know_ are problems seem like impassable obstacles."

Girth was quiet for several seconds.

"How sad," he finally muttered.

The human boy blinked. "Excuse me?"

Girth followed Anakin's previous gaze, even though the Senate building wasn't visible from where he sat. "He could use that for so much good."

Anakin's first thought was to snort. His second thought was a realization at just how right Girth was. It kind of hurt to realize just how much good Palpatine could do with his skill set. Hadn't he proved that by even just putting on the mask of a kind, caring senator?

"Perhaps," he agreed quietly. "But unless there is something in it for him, he never will."

Girth sighed. "Anakin your fears are not completely unfounded. It's okay to feel it, and I'm proud of you for acknowledging it. It shows how far you've truly come. But even with the contingency plans we have in place, we'll have to be extremely careful until we get the proof necessary to make a case against him."

Proof that they were still sorely lacking. Blast Palpatine and his kriffing ability to cover his tracks.

"That's one reason why I can't back out of this. I might be able to get the proof we need."

Suddenly Girth was standing in front of him, holding the arms of Anakin's chair so as not to touch him but still managing to ground him. Always the professional. And yet he still made these sessions so personal too.

"Anakin, you can back out of this. We can find another way. Have a master take you as a padawan, even if just for show, or even just tell him you got sick. With one person, it won't be that difficult to convince him. He might be suspicious, but he can't get in here. You are safe from him here, even if just for now.

"The only person who thinks this is necessary right now is you, Anakin. I reiterate, we can find another way."

"What other way?" Anakin asked back, a little heatedly. "Some other, random initiate goes in there and gets themselves emotionally destroyed in my place?"

"We'll set up mind-healing sessions for them too. I would personally oversee it."

"And what about the proof?"

Girth let out another sigh. "Again, there are ways, Anakin, and Master Yoda says he is open to them. He is going along with this only because you insisted. None of us like this, Anakin. _None_ of us! We would all rather see you safe."

Anakin frowned, feeling his heart sink. "Yeah, so the universe doesn't have to worry about Darth Vader again."

The drall frowned. "Anakin, look at me."

Reluctantly, the boy did so, seeing the fuzzy face with the different shades of brown all mixing into a soft chocolate and those round eyes that still managed to focus on him, despite being close to the sides of his head. The face of a race descended from prey. And yet, Girth seemed so strong – so steadfast – in Anakin's eyes.

"Do you honestly think that is the reason I'm doing this? Preventative measures purely to save my own skin? That I don't care for you at all?"

A year ago, Anakin would have said yes – regardless of what he actually thought, too hurt and cynical to really be able to say anything else. He couldn't do so now. Part of him felt relieved while another part of him felt broken and raw. Stupid pride.

"No."

Girth smiled. It didn't show his teeth and felt soft, tender almost, especially with that twitching nose.

"Good. Anakin, People care for you, and you need to know that. I am one of them. Even if you had no power or sway over the future of the universe at all whatsoever, I would still want to see you happy. Can you believe me?"

Anakin contemplated that before he looked away and nodded. Why did he feel so young right now? Mentally he was older than the drall! Well, about the same age, but still.

Thankfully, Girth decided to go back to their previous line of discussion. "Now let me reiterate, there are other ways to get what we need. We can plan, we can implement, we can hire whoever we need to hire, but we will find a way without you doing this – without you having to confront him. I don't want you feeling trapped or backed into this plan of yours. Please, promise me that you are not doing this because you are sacrificing yourself."

The blond stared at the rodent-like person in front of him for several seconds. Then he looked down as his mind went over that. It took him a few minutes to realize that Girth – as usual – was right. At least partially. Anakin was very much doing this because he saw himself as a viable sacrifice.

"I... can't promise you that," he said slowly.

"Then I'm calling it off," Girth said firmly and he turned to walk over to where his comm sat on the little side table.

"NO!" Anakin yelped, sitting forward and holding out a hand, "You can't!"

"Anakin, I can't let you go into this if you are determined to sacrifice yourself."

"Fine, I won't!"

Girth paused and studied him for several seconds. Then he shook his head. "I can't let you do this. Not in good conscience."

"I have to!"

Again, the drall hesitated as he picked up his comm and turned back to his patient. "Have to what?"

Anakin opened his mouth, then closed it and swallowed, before opening it again. "I have to... face him. I'm terrified and... I hate it. But I want to overcome that. I have to, because fear leads to anger and anger to hate and hate to the dark side. I... I can't keep running and hiding from him."

Girth's frown deepened. "That doesn't mean you're ready now, and that's okay, you know, right?"

Anakin blinked and focused on breathing for a moment before nodding.

"Yes, I know. And maybe I'm not completely ready, but as I said, I don't think I ever will be. If... if I back out of this now, I will always wonder, especially if it works out poorly. I... Perhaps I am being selfish, but I have to do this. I don't think I've ever dreaded anything like I do this, but I don't want that to chase me away from this. Please... don't call it off."

A pregnant silence fell over the room, broken only by the steady sound of air coming through a vent.

Then, finally, Girth sighed and put the comm down.

"I'm doing this because I believe in you, Anakin. But I will only agree to allowing you to do this now if you promise me you will do everything in your power to not make yourself a sacrifice – not your life, not your morals, and not your soul. Are we understood?"

He could think of several instances where he would gladly be the sacrifice. He still didn't want to kill anymore, too afraid that if he did, he would fall back into old habits. And he wouldn't let anyone else go down that path either. If he had to sacrifice himself to stop someone from making the same mistakes he did, then so be it. But... he could go into this with a different mind set. He was the spy, the wild-card, the deep-cover agent... not the lamb (or in this case monster) being led to the slaughter.

He could do that.

Couldn't he?

"That," he finally said with a small smile, "I can promise." He really hoped he wasn't lying.

Girth returned the smile, although it did look a little shaky. Somehow, Anakin didn't think that either one of them was fooling the other... or themselves.

"Very well." He sighed and left the comm on the table as he returned to his seat and took a sip of tea himself.

Then he took a deep breath. "Where were we? Ah, yes, we were going over your fear of Palpatine, despite your determination to see the confrontation through. So, we've spoken of why you are afraid, but I'd like to go a little further into that."

The former Sith frowned. He didn't like admitting his fear, even now. He'd already said he was terrified. That had been hard enough to say, no matter how justified.

"What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly.

"If you can, tell me how you fear him."

Anakin frowned. "How... I fear?"

Girth smiled. "One way to try and overcome fear is to identify it, not only it's cause but how it affects you. There are many types of fear: physical fear, mental fear, emotional fear, fear we know and understand, fear in ourselves that we don't realize we have and don't understand, ingrained fear, fear that overwhelms and drags down, fear that keeps you alive. Most negative emotions are fueled by fear. IE: One gets angry only because they are hurt or scared. One is arrogant because acting otherwise would irretrievably give away control and possibly acknowledge terrifying ideals that are difficult to face. Does that make sense?"

Anakin thought about it and nodded. This was more familiar territory – another identifying exercise. Girth liked those.

"What would you classify your fear of Palpatine as?"

The former Sith swallowed but thought about it. "Emotional," he paused, "mental, ingrained, but... a fear I understand."

"Are there any of those that you wish to discuss further or give an example of?"

More silence, and then. "No... not today." Despite not having been there long, he felt strung out and tired, like he'd been stretched too thin.

"That's fine, but, now that you've classified your fear, is it as overwhelming as it used to be?"

Anakin blinked.

Now that he mentioned it... "No, I guess not."

Oh, it was still there, a monster waiting to rise up, seize him and drag him under. But he felt more in control of it now, and so it wasn't as debilitating as it had been just minutes before.

Girth smiled again. "Excellent. Do you feel better prepared to face that man?"

Anakin thought about it. He was still scared... _very_ scared. And yet...

"Yes," he said. "I do."

"Wonderful. Now, let's discuss what we will do after you come back from each time block you spend with him."

xXx

Somehow, Anakin didn't think that his sessions with D-40 would continue on for much longer. As helpful as the droid had been, now that his mind healers actually knew and understood his situation, it just didn't make sense to keep using the droid. And yet, Anakin still dutifully walked into the small side-room to meet with her.

"Good afternoon, young master."

"D-40," Anakin acknowledged with a nod of his head as he took a seat across from the droid.

She regarded him for a few moments. "You seem to be in some distress regarding the topic you were speaking of with Healer Girth," D-40 said in her matter-of-fact tone, apparently noting Anakin's pale face and the firm stance he tended to take when feeling weak, no doubt. "Perhaps we should speak of something else?"

Anakin nodded tightly. "That would be... preferred."

D-40 returned the nod before cocking her head in a very mechanical imitation of a human. "I believe I know a topic you have not discussed with me yet and I am curious. You have mentioned your time with your former Jedi Master, Obi-wan Kenobi. Perhaps we could speak about him?"

And there went any calm he'd managed to grasp after that session. Anakin scowled and rolled his eyes. Well, so much for calmer. Although it _was_ something that had little to do with a certain Sith Lord and it had been something on his mind recently.

"Fine," he said, too tired to really argue. D-40 could be surprisingly stubborn. On that note, he decided to just jump in. "I first met Obi-wan when..."

xXx

It took him two hours to tell the droid about his former master, and even then he left a _lot_ out. He just didn't have the time, so he summed up their relationship as best he could. He must have done a decent job, because the droid was silent for a few moments.

"It sounds like you have a complicated past," D-40 said softly, well as softly as a droid could.

Anakin snorted. "I believe that would be classified as an understatement."

"But despite this, you seem... upset that he did not ask you to be his padawan this time."

For several seconds Anakin didn't answer as he thought over the whole convoluted mess that was his former Jedi Master. "I... guess I am," he grudgingly admitted. "I don't _want_ to be, though. This is better for both of us."

The droid cocked her head again. "Why do you say that?"

Anakin sighed, slumping in his chair. "Story of my life," he muttered, staring at the beige-colored walls and the single window in the room, not really seeing it or any of Coruscant outside. "He's happier without me – better off, even. Just like everyone else." He thought of Tru Veld, the patient, hopeful padawan who had turned into a cynic after he'd been friends with Anakin. He thought of Darra Thel-Thanis, dead because of his pride. He thought of his children, both raised by other people and both happier because of it. Had he raised them, they would have undoubtedly ended up as angry Sith acolytes if not apprentices themselves. He thought of the Jedi Order in general and the Temple in flames, all within dead or dying – most by his blade. That still haunted him as he strode through the now completely whole halls sometimes, especially when he saw someone he had killed walking by as if nothing was wrong. He thought of Padmé...

"I do not believe that is an accurate statement."

The former Sith blinked, brought out of his spiraling thoughts to look at the shiny droid in front of him. "What?"

"You say everyone in your life is better off without you. What of your mother?"

Well, she had been freed and lived happily with her husband after he'd left, but she'd also been kidnapped and tortured without him there. And she was always so happy to just _see_ him.

He couldn't help a small, if watery, smile. "Very well, perhaps not everyone."

For the first time he wondered – really wondered – what his life would have been like if he'd stayed on Tatooine. Would he have even been able to free himself? Would he have become a moisture farmer? Would he have done something about the rampant slavery on the world? He wasn't sure about his first life,but in this life he most definitely would have. Then again, he was already fighting slavery... and weren't the people he'd helped Jango Fett free better off now too? He sincerely hoped so.

Alright, so maybe he was useful to a couple of people. That did manage to lift his spirits ever so slightly.

"And what about you? Are you truly better off without him in your life?"

Anakin stared at the droid for several seconds as he thought on that. The memories of him and Obi-wan fighting in the wars came to mind. It had been harsh and brutal, but Obi-wan... he'd always been there. Perhaps not always in the capacity that Anakin had wanted or needed, but the man had done the best he could. If only Anakin had been able to see it at the time.

"I... don't know," he said truthfully. "It would certainly be less complicated, but... he called me his brother, there at the end. We'd saved each other so many times... and as much as I would have hated to admit it under Palpatine, I don't... want to give that up."

Perhaps he'd taken this whole 'honesty' thing a little far recently... This was getting really difficult.

"I do not understand."

Anakin's brow furrowed in question. D-40 recognized the silent inquiry because she continued.

"Why do you have to give it up?"

"He's not my Master now."

"But he was, according to you."

"He doesn't know that," Anakin replied, shaking his head.

"So tell him. You obviously trust him." That brought Anakin up short. He... trusted Obi-wan? Even after everything? After the man had _left him to die_ on Mustafar...? It took him a few minutes to realize that the droid was right. He did still trust Obi-wan.

Somehow it felt like that revelation socked him in the gut.

He trusted Obi-wan. No, the man hadn't been perfect (no matter what Anakin had thought when he was younger) but the older Jedi had always done his absolute best. He'd been a hard worker, always rising to challenges that would have broken other men. Always getting back up to try again when he came across challenges that did break him.

And maybe, if he'd realized that a month ago, he would have agreed. But now...

"I... I don't know if I can tell him," he said quietly. "If I tried, it could come between him and his current padawan. I couldn't do that to him – to them." Because Obi-wan was finally getting over his pain at losing Qui-gon. He was finally moving on – really moving on. He was finally _happy,_ or at least getting to a point where he could find happiness.

"I would like you to think about it," the droid said, matter-of-fact voice breaking the moment and Anakin's concentration at once. He wanted to sigh.

"Very well."

"It is well past your evening meal time. You should leave."

Anakin chuckled and shook his head. As terse as always.

"Good night, D-40."

"Good night, Master Anakin."

xXx

AN: I DO have plans for some action later on, I promise... but this really needed to be done. The idea of leaving Anakin to Palpatine without any preparation would go against just about everything I've built my psychologists up to be. So you all get another psychology chapter. I'd apologize, but... I'm really not sorry. lol

Let me know what you think!

Thanks again to Khalthar and Carradee for beta reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Anakin sat in his Luke Lars disguise at an outdoor cafe table with a drink sitting in front of him. He'd once again arranged to meet Jango Fett outside (his choice, not Anakin's) in a random area of Coruscant about two hours away from the Temple in a relatively quiet open air walkway lined with small businesses.

He felt Siri sitting at a table on the other side of the street, facing away from them and dressed in civilian clothes. She also had a drink sitting in front of her. Unlike Anakin, she was actually sipping hers. He could, in all technicality, drink his, but he honestly wasn't that thirsty. He had also gotten to a point, recently, where did he trust anything outside of the Temple he couldn't see prepared. Actually, he made a mental note to be a little more careful _inside_ the Temple... just in case. After all, people had infiltrated before.

Perhaps he was becoming a little too paranoid?

"So, you showed."

Anakin glanced up from the holopad he was reading to see Jango Fett standing there looking very displeased. Politely and calmly, Anakin shut the holopad down and placed it on the table before looking through his mask up at the man again.

"You didn't think I would?"

"A man with any preservation instincts wouldn't have."

Anakin considered that. "Or I just believe that the potential benefits outweigh the risks."

"Then you're a fool."

They paused for a moment, and even though Jango couldn't see it, Anakin raised an eyebrow.

"A fool, you say? Why?"

Jango threw a holopad at Anakin, who caught it deftly and turned it on. Then his breath caught. On the screen was a picture of his mother. It took him several seconds to calm his raging emotions. Worry, protectiveness, fear, love, sadness...

Actually, he had to reach out with the Force and calm Siri down, let her know that he was alright and that she shouldn't blow her cover just yet. He did all of this without so much as moving a muscle. Not that the mask would have let anything show, but it was nice to know he'd regained some of his control.

"Who is this?" he finally asked, his voice as steady as he could make it.

"Don't lie to me. She was a slave on your initial list. Then you sent me that second list without her name on it and it made me do a double take. I'd already been watching her when I got that, and she definitely wasn't freed or dead. Then, low and behold, a couple of months later, I watched Jedi come and free her."

Anakin could see where this was going and mentally swore. Was this another 'will of the Force' thing because how else would the Jedi have gotten there when Jango was watching her? What were the odds? He wanted to shake his fist at the Force. Just what did it gain by more or less tattling on Anakin to Jango of all people?

Someone somewhere was laughing at him.

"You said you had contacts with the Jedi," Jango continued, accusing. "The way you speak, the way you move... the way you feel. You're a Jedi."

This time, both of Anakin's eyebrows rose. The way he _felt_? Was Jango mildly Force Sensitive? It would... actually make a lot of sense. He checked as subtly as he could but only felt a normal person. Hmm. Perhaps he had some training and could shield? Or perhaps he was normal and was just particularly in tune with his sixth sense and what little Force Presence he had?

"Actually, I haven't decided yet," Anakin responded, once again keeping his voice as even as he could.

That seemed to confuse Jango. "What?"

"Technically I am only a Jedi in training and I haven't decided whether I will continue with the Jedi or not."

"You know the ways of the Jedi, that's enough for me."

Anakin's gaze narrowed and he projected his feelings through the Force. "I also know the ways of the Sith. The Jedi don't have a monopoly on the Force or Force Sensitives."

Jango's brow furrowed. "The Sith are extinct."

At that, Anakin couldn't help it. He actually laughed, quietly but no-less amused for it.

"You're naivety amuses me." When Jango's eyes only narrowed, Anakin decided to elaborate. "You are currently working for them. They are, in all actuality, behind the... order for which you are the template."

Anakin could see Jango's jaw set and figured he really needed to back off instead of encouraging Jango's anger. Stupid Sith instincts. It was the first time he'd been in a severely hostile situation like this for a while and even before Vader, he hadn't exactly been prone to being calm. Provoking other people had more or less become his norm in most hostile situations, and he really needed to stop.

He still didn't think he could hide his amusement when he spoke.

Jango must have caught on, because he didn't deny Anakin's words. Had he suspected, perhaps? Instead, his eyebrows drew together ever so slightly. "You really believe that. So why haven't you told the Jedi?"

For a moment, the two just stared at each other before Anakin shook his masked head. "The Jedi would not believe me and I have only my word to go on."

More silence. Then Jango's frown deepened. "I don't work with Jedi. Or those that study under them."

"And yet, here you are, speaking to me instead of handing me over to Sidious."

The bounty hunter's fists clenched and he straightened, puffing up to appear more threatening. He wasn't wearing his Mandalorian helmet, which would have helped the image, but even if he had been, it wouldn't have worked on Anakin. He knew too much about the Fetts. If anything, his posturing was entertaining. He wondered why he found more or less everything about this man amusing tonight.

"You have been honorable," Jango said with forced calmness. "By Mandalorian law, you are to be given the chance to defend yourself."

Anakin smiled and sat forward. "Indeed. I am not a Jedi and you admit I have stuck to our agreements and been honorable. Technically, I haven't lied to you. I am truly not a Jedi. If you wish to terminate our partnership, then that is your choice, but I cannot allow myself to be turned over to your employer."

Jango's lips parted to show grit teeth. "How can you study under _them_? They are the epitome of hypocrites!"

The former Sith leaned back in his chair to buy himself a few moments and wonder how Obi-wan would handle this. "I know the Jedi are not perfect. If anyone knows that, it's me. They do, however, know a great deal about the Force."

"They _killed_ people! They are controlled and led around by the nose and do nothing to stop it! They listen to lies and let people _die_! It goes against everything they preach! They deserve no leeway."

Briefly, Anakin wondered if Jango was simply venting to someone who actually knew most of his story, or if he was trying to convert Anakin to his way of thinking.

Yes, still amusing.

"The Jedi are sentients," the masked man responded with a shrug of his shoulders. "They can only act on what they know. They had the wrong information." He had a feeling the bounty hunter was talking about his biggest run-in with Jedi now.

"They could have verified," Jango insisted.

"They thought they had," Anakin responded.

"That's no excuse."

Something about that line bothered Anakin. Excuse? It almost sounded as if Jango had expected more of them somehow... like he'd been outright and personally _betrayed_ by the Jedi.

And then his eyes widened. "You... fell into the same trap I did," he realized aloud.

Jango's frown deepened. "What?"

Anakin shook his head, chuckling mirthlessly. He wasn't amused any longer. "You put the Jedi on a pedestal, as if they were super-beings or gods. Then a couple of them came in and ruined your life by being normal, fallible sentients." Oh, the irony.

The bounty hunter stayed quiet as he studied Anakin, his face blank.

So the former Sith decided to alleviate his obvious confusion and wariness.

"I used to be a slave. The Jedi freed me, supposedly. But their rules were so strict I felt I'd traded one form of slavery for another." He snorted softly, shaking his head. "My mother was killed, the woman I loved as well, my children estranged... all because one Jedi persuaded me to come with them. Let's just say, they didn't live up to my expectations."

Again, Jango's eyes narrowed. "Then why do you continue to study with them?"

Anakin scoffed. The sound somehow made it through his vocoder. "I didn't have the experience or presence of mind at the time to realize the significance of differences between slavery and the Jedi way that I did notice, nor did I realize that the prison I perceived was of my own making."

What a fool he'd been.

"I blamed them for everything, but I came to realize that I did so to alleviate my own guilt. The Jedi need reform, yes. They are not the perfect Order that society would have us believe and something needs to change. But everything that happened to me was because of my own choices and thus they are my own responsibility. I, too, was angry at myself for building them up and then discovering they were merely average sentients, albeit sentients with super powers, but still..."

"The difference between you and me is that nothing was my fault," Jango practically spat.

Anakin just looked at him for several moments before cocking his head. "And yet you blame yourself, even more so than you do the Jedi."

More silence, which was confirmation enough. So he'd been right. Perhaps that is why he'd liked the Fetts so much – they reminded him of himself, except more honorable.

"I don't work with Jedi," Jango finally reiterated.

And truthfully, Anakin could respect that. "Then I will inform you of my decision. Until then, if you wish to put this on hold, I will look for someone else to help me."

"Why do you defend them?" he asked, and Anakin could hear both the genuine curiosity and the note of desperation in the man's words.

So he answered truthfully. "While I, myself, have a good deal of power, it isn't enough. I want to see the most number of sentients given the ability and opportunity to choose their own fate. I always have. If I have to team up with Jedi to do so, then so be it.

"I also defend them because there are still good people in that order. I want them to change so that instances like yours never happen again. They have the ability and the drive to change the universe. As misguided as they are, they are affecting things the only way they know how. I want to show them another way..."

He didn't realize just how true that statement was until he'd said it aloud.

"You have your work cut out for you then," Jango replied, although he didn't sound nearly so defensive now. That was an improvement at least.

"I do."

More silence as they stared at each other.

Finally, Jango put a hand to the bridge of his nose.

"I need to think on this."

Anakin nodded his head graciously.

Jango gave him one last, searching look before turning and stalking off.

Several minutes later, Siri approached and took Jango's seat. "I'm guessing it went well?"

Anakin shrugged. "As well as can be expected."

The blond's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, he did not attempt to kill, maim or stun me, nor did he attempt to turn me over to Sidious."

Her expression could have sucked water from the air. "The fact that you describe that as your best case scenario with him doesn't exactly instill the most confidence in me."

Anakin just smiled and shrugged again.

xXx

Master Yoda didn't sigh, but it was a close thing.

"We know the boy has had dark training, and we know the Sith have risen again!" Master Mundi insisted. Next to him, Master Tiin nodded in agreement.

"Do we?" Oppo Rancisis asked. "We merely have the body of an obvious dark-sider, but very little proof that he was, indeed, a Sith."

Yoda closed his eyes. The evidence was right there, but he'd always found it interesting, in a very sad way, as to what people could convince themselves of. Even wise, caring people like Master Rancisis.

"We cannot take that chance!" Master Mundi returned, adamant. "It has been nearly two years, and we have yet to really question the boy!"

"We agreed that his mental well-being was more important than an interrogation," Master Rancisis responded.

"Indeed it is," Saesee Tiin said, his voice quiet but steely. "But isn't two years of rather successful mind-healing sufficient healing time?"

"Surely he can withstand a couple of questions about his dark master," Master Mundi agreed.

"If he is the chosen one," Plo Koon spoke up, his voice muffled by the mask on his face, "then wouldn't it be more advantageous for us to have him on the side of light instead of potentially alienating him?"

"How is asking him questions alienating him?" Eeth Koth asked, speaking up for the first time since the topic had come up.

Mace, apparently, had had enough. "Very well. I will consult with his mind-healers and see if they think he is recovered enough to speak of his past. He is going on the next gathering tomorrow. After that, if Master Xio and Healer Girth agree, we can call him before the Council and finally question him about his dark training."

Neither side looked extremely happy, but everyone could live with this concession, apparently, because the matter dropped and they moved onto the next topic.

Yoda made a mental note to visit Anakin and discuss the potential upcoming confrontation with him and his mind-healers (and very likely, Siri Tachi). They would have to proceed with caution, but it looked like it might be time for Anakin Skywalker to reveal more about his past.

He could only hope the Council wouldn't regret this.

xXx

Anakin sat on one of the window sills of the transport ship taking the next batch of younglings to Ilum, his attention drifting between the stars outside and the rambunctious children as they play-sparred with each other. It felt strange, being physically older than anyone else here next to the senior padawan who had accompanied them. He was used to being mentally older than his peers, but he physically loomed over these children by several centimeters, and he'd been surrounded by them for _hours_ now.

Still, he was grateful to be here at all. In the previous timeline, he'd been almost thirteen before Obi-wan had taken him to get his first lightsaber crystal. He'd honestly been expecting to not get a lightsaber this time until he was taken by a master. Then, for some reason (and Anakin suspected the old troll), the Council had decided that all the children of the Young Jedi Ambassador program need to have a lightsaber. Funny how this had come right when Palpatine had signed up for said program.

Anakin glanced down at the comm in his hand and reread the request he'd received again. As soon as he returned, Master Yoda had requested a meeting with him. He would also come in at the end of his next meeting with his mind-healers. The former Sith frowned. Why so suddenly? Was this about Palpatine? Most likely, he concluded, then sighed, shoving the comm into his pocket before turning to look out of the window at the stars again.

He could get lost in that view. The nothingness of Space that he always found so comforting and welcoming.

"We will be landing now," a voice from behind him drew him away from his thoughts, and he turned around to face the senior padawan escort. He was a zabarak named Rahth Mo, resembling Eeth Koth, and while the children he'd been escorting seemed to overwhelm him, he also looked at them with such a warm expression that Anakin couldn't help but like him.

He'd been welcoming and open with Anakin as well, despite his age in comparison to the rest of the children here. All in all, it had been a rather pleasant trip.

So, why did he have a bad feeling about this? Or, more accurately, an anticipatory feeling. Something would happen on the planet. Something personal but significant. He glanced longingly out at the stars again before sighing and standing to follow the line of Jedi children to the front where they would watch the descent to Illum. Apparently it was some kind of tradition.

As much as Anakin liked being in the cockpit, cramming inside an older one with several children while watching someone else pilot was not his idea of a good time. He grit his teeth and counted silently in his mind, doing his best to banish the negative thoughts to the Force while they approached the planet.

He was only marginally successful.

xXx

Anakin had been to Ilum multiple times before. This visit wasn't really very different.

He followed Padawan Mo out of the ship, bracing himself for the cool temperature that Ilum usually sported. The other children weren't so prepared and more than one of them cried out in surprise at the temperature, but none of them faltered.

They made it to the cave easily enough and were instructed to head into the tunnels, trust in the Force, and be back before sunset. The children all rushed in excitedly. Anakin followed at a far more sedate pace. Soon enough, he found himself wandering alone down the dark, natural corridors, following the nudges of the Force.

He felt the vision coming before it actually happened and braced himself as best he could. Not every person, looking for a kyber crystal would get a vision, but it wasn't exactly unheard of either. Anakin had always had a vision each and every time he'd searched for one, so he wasn't surprised when he felt that familiar twinge in the Force. Nor was he particularly surprised when the cave suddenly became walls. Very nice-looking, expensive walls and rich, if worn, carpet beneath his feet. He knew where he was.

"The Senate?" he asked quietly with a frown. That _did_ surprise him. It wasn't a hall he'd actually been in before, he just recognized the motif. His surroundings reminded him of the chambers behind each of the Senate pods. This was different, though. He sat on a chair in the center of a circular platform and only one door led into the room.

Frowning harder, he went to stand, but as he did, the platform rose. He blinked in surprise and looked up. Above him, a circular door opened and he could see the Senate chamber beyond it. Oh. He knew where he was now and glanced over his shoulder as he drew even with the floor above, a little apprehensive. Palpatine should be behind the podium on his left. To his surprise, the entire box where the Chancellor should be stood empty. Anakin frowned and turned back to the enormous chamber.

He could hear people speaking in a low hum and knew each pod held a delegation, but he couldn't make out any details.

Of course not. That wasn't the point of the vision.

Repressing his uneasy feeling, he glanced down at his hands for just a moment and realized that, yes, they were young still. About his current age or perhaps a little older. Then he lifted his head and sat as straight as he could. He calmly reached a hand to his side but found that he didn't have his lightsaber with him, which didn't help him feel any better.

That was when he sensed it. The dark pulse hit him and ran through the room, sending shivers up his spine. Instantly he stood and faced the door across from him – the door they brought people to be tried through. The duroplast opened slowly, ominously and Anakin's mouth went dry. His eyes remained fixed on the figures behind the door as the senate guard, dressed in blue ceremonial armor, walked in solemnly.

Suddenly, the gigantic room seemed entirely too small. The fact that it fell into silence didn't help.

There, in the center of the guard, stood Chancellor Palpatine in his Senate robes, looking as tired and confused as ever. Then he glanced at Anakin, meeting his gaze before the latter could look away. The smile that grew over the older man's face was pure Sidious. Before Anakin's eyes, the figure of the kind, grandfatherly man melted away to reveal the cunning, cruel Sith underneath. He took a step forward, into the pod that somehow became a bridge across the chamber to where the time-traveler stood.

Unable to rein in his terror, Anakin went to step back, but found he couldn't. Trying not to panic, he looked down and saw, to his horror, black boots that were far too large for him instead of his soft, initiate shoes. They were bulky and clunky and somehow he _knew_ they held mechanical feet. He choked back a scream. He couldn't show weakness here. He'd already shown too much.

"Ah, Lord Vader," Palpatine said, voice as smooth as silk drawing Anakin's attention. The Sith took another step, the Senate guard striding forward with him. Could _no one_ see this transformation? Why could he still hear talking? Why weren't the guards _doing_ something. "Here to testify against me? You should have known better. I taught you better."

Anakin's chest felt tight and he looked around desperately for something he could use to get himself out of this, but he could see nothing.

"No," he heard himself whisper harshly, bending down to try and physically move his feet. Naturally, it didn't help.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw black forms rising, floating in the air and spinning as if they were debris caught in the vacuum of space. Then Palpatine took another step. A couple of the black shapes shot towards Anakin, latching onto his legs and thighs, covering them in dark leather.

He could no longer feel his legs.

"You poor, simple-minded fool," Palpatine spoke, fake pity in his voice.

 _Thud! Thud! Thud!_

He took another step and more black shapes pounded into Anakin. The more black that covered him, the less he could move, as if nothing covered in black was under his control. His panic rose and it took all his will to hold back the scream as his former master continued. "You thought you could defeat me? With just a little future knowledge?"

Anakin tried to ignore him and instead took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself. He'd have to use the Force to...

Except it wouldn't come! It wouldn't' answer him!

"You know very well you cannot hurt me. Not truly. Before was a fluke, a reaction you couldn't possibly replicate. You will not win again."

"Silence," Anakin shot back, still trying to calm the fear and the anger rising in his chest again. "You are not all powerful."

Palpatine cackled. His robe had darkened into a black shade. The guards' armor had gained a purple hue that grew stronger with each step.

"I do not _need_ to be all powerful! I only need to outsmart _you_. You and your pathetic Jedi friends." He continued to chuckle. "Which will be all too easy."

"No," Anakin returned, still struggling to free himself from the armor that now surrounded his stomach and hating the panic that he couldn't quite quell. "You won't win again. I won't let you!"

Palpatine took another step and Anakin's left hand became encased in black. His heart skipped several beats. With his right arm, he reached for his lightsaber again and was surprised when a familiar cylinder met his hand. Then his breath froze in his chest when he looked at it. It was Vader's blade. The blade of a Sith.

He could only stare at it in horror and didn't notice Palpatine stepping forward again. The black clamped to his left side. His already pathetic control over his emotions and the Force slipped further.

Desperately, he activated the blade and pointed it at Palpatine. "You will not have me again! You will never own me!"

The other man stepped forward again. Black snapped over Anakin's right hand and he no longer had control over it. He still held the blade, but it fell down to his side no matter how he struggled to raise it.

"It is inevitable." Palpatine's face had gained wrinkles and deformity, draining of color. He now looked like the Emperor in all his terrifying glory. The Senate Guard had been replaced by the Imperial Guard, standing as an escort, all clothed in red. The Senate chamber itself remained, and yet the future ruler of the galaxy continued to move forward and _no one seemed to care!_

An all too familiar chest plate hurtled at him and Anakin's control snapped.

"NO!" he yelled, reaching out to the Force and not caring which side he called on. To his relief, the Force answered, dark and wild. He drew on the power and pushed with all his might against everything around him. It did no good. The black plate locked into place.

Anakin didn't know what to think or do. He could only watch, paralyzed, as the Emperor continued to stalk towards him.

"You were always meant to be a slave," he practically cackled.

Anakin shook his head, ignoring the tears he could feel pouring down his cheeks. "No! It's not true!" He meant for it to come out strong and sure, but he could only hear a whisper.

"You know it is."

"No..." he whispered desperately.

"At the first sign of trouble, you break. Every time," Palpatine went on, coming to the edge of the platform now, stepping past the red guard. Anakin tried to, but he couldn't deny the truth of the words. Even now the dark side whirled around him and he dared not release it. Just as it had been with Padmé, and at the memory and realization of Leia's identity and before the session he'd planned on confessing to the droid... just how many times had he lost his will, his control?

Was it all inevitable?

Had he fallen too far?

Could he not find redemption?

Somehow he couldn't help but fear that the answer was a resounding 'no'. The world around him began to fade to the blackness of the dark side and he could do nothing about it. Nothing he tried worked. It never would. Why had he dared to believe? Why...

Palpatine stood practically in front of him now, staring into Anakin's eyes. He wanted to break that gaze but a morbid sense of desperation wouldn't let him.

"Now, Lord Vader, you will return to me. Take your place at my side, as you always will."

A great despair rose inside him, swallowing everything else.

He knew how quickly despair could be turned into anger.

He felt himself break just a little more and a sob squeezed itself from his throat. The suit was back, as painful and constricting as ever. No, more so. He only needed the helmet to complete it. It had gotten so hard to breathe...

Sidious, no longer shackled, raised one hand. Anakin wanted to back away, but a deep exhaustion settled over him in wake of the despair. He didn't have the energy to so much as flinch, let alone the motivation to struggle.

Should he just accept the inevitable? It would be easier. Fighting it just exhausted him.

And yet...

"Luke," he whispered, remembering his son. His wonderful, loving, unbreakable son, and he drew on that strength. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"Someone... Help me." He closed his eyes. "Anyone. Help me! Please!" He couldn't make his voice loud enough for anyone but the Emperor to hear, and yet he reached out, desperate. "Please..."

"Pathetic," the Emperor cackled, leaning forward, with a mask held in both hands. "But you will be of use to me."

The helmet descended, along with the blackness and he felt himself slumping, giving in —

And then, a green lightsaber ignited between him and Palpatine, who stepped back with an angry hiss as the helmet flew from his hand. For a moment all Anakin could do was blink. He couldn't let himself hope. Almost not daring to breathe, he turned and saw his son standing there, glaring at the Emperor.

The Force stilled as Anakin just stared in shock.

"L...Luke?"

The boy shot him a bright smile. "Your best may not be good enough, Father. But you have help. You will always have help if you ask for it."

"Out of my way," Sidious hissed, shooting lightning at Luke, but it was stopped by a blue blade. Anakin turned his head, the only thing he could move at the moment, and saw Obi-wan. His Obi-wan. The old man from the desert whom he had killed, standing there, gaze fixed on Palpatine.

"W-why?" Anakin whispered, his voice cracking.

He got a warm smile from Luke and a sad smile from Obi-wan.

"Fools, you cannot stop this!" Sidious bellowed.

"I hope I'm not too late," Ahsoka – teenaged Ahsoka – jumped down from somewhere, landing between Anakin and Sidious, both lightsabers held in an opening stance.

"We will not allow you to undo all of the good we've helped Anakin with," Master Xio said, somehow stepping out of the shadows with Healer Girth in her wake, the little drall standing firm beside her as his nose twitched irritably.

"You cannot stand in my way! I will destroy you all!" Sidious screamed.

"Hmm. Wrong, you are."

"Master Yoda?" Anakin asked, hating how his tone shook.

And then more people came out, placing themselves between him and Palpatine. Plo Koon, Master Gallia, Master Mundi even.

"Ani," a soft voice at his side sent a shock through him, and he glanced over to see Padmé, his Padmé, standing there, as beautiful as ever as she reached down and took the lightsaber from his hand and turned it off.

"Oh, my boy," another voice and a hand on his cheek.

"M... mom?" he asked. His mom. The older one.

"We will help you, Anakin," Young Obi-wan said, sanding to the side of his older counterpart but facing Anakin instead of Palpatine. "We will always help you if you ask."

"Yeah, Ani!" Hik'te burst forward, throwing his arms around Anakin's now much larger form. He was followed closely by Coira and then, more subdued, Hale and Maelee and Thoran and Tru and Darra and even Ferus Olin, even if he didn't look like he wanted to be there and... Oh, Force. Were those the children? Those children he could never forget... and yet, they filtered into his view, their gazes never holding any anger or judgment.

"It looks like you aren't alone, and there are a great many people happy to support you," Qui-gon Jinn said, with a smile, walking up behind the children and gazing around at the crowd that had gathered thoughtfully. Then he nodded over to Palpatine. Anakin followed the older Jedi's gaze and found the wrinkled Sith's screams could no longer reach him. The man yelled and cursed and spit and threw lightning and tried to break through an invisible wall to no avail. To his great relief, Anakin couldn't hear a thing the man said.

"Now," a final voice said as Siri stepped into his view. "Let's get that armor off of you."

For the first time in a very long time, Anakin allowed himself to cry.

xXx

When he came to his senses, he knelt on the ground in front of Senior Padawan Mo. The zabarak watched Anakin warily, seeming unsure and very protective – as if seeing Anakin as a threat. Smart Jedi. The younger children all gathered behind him, peeking out at him with a mixture of worry and fear. He felt wetness on his cheeks and wondered if he happened to look as disheveled as he felt.

Padawan Mo cleared his throat. "Well, Initiate Skywalker, you seem to have made it back just in time."

Shocked, Anakin glanced back at the cave opening just as it finished freezing over. Oh. It hadn't seemed like that long... and yet it had seemed like far longer. In his vision it had taken a combined force to get that armor off of him and had taken all too long. Some parts, he feared, would never be truly gone, but they all kept working at it until the vision had faded back to reality.

"Also, we felt a dark presence earlier..." the padawan said slowly, bringing the initiate back to the situation at hand.

Anakin's mouth went dry. "Sorry," he muttered, "I had a...vision."

"Yes, I can see that."

Anakin didn't offer any more explanation, too exhausted to deal with the suspicion right now. Instead he just looked down at his hands where he felt something. Then his eyes widened. There, in his palms, he held three kyber crystals.

They were all purple.

xXx

AN: You guys are lucky you're getting this now. I've actually been working on it for a couple of months. Still not entirely happy with the chapter, but I feel it gets the points across that I needed it to.

Thank you to Carradee and Khalthar for beta reading!

Oh, and final Clone Wars Movie ftw! I cannot wait! *super excited*


	4. Chapter 4

Anakin sat on the Gathering Ship, away from the other younglings (who, sadly, seemed to be rather wary of him now) contemplating his crystals. He'd never come out of Ilum with more than two before, and he'd never gotten multiple crystals at once. In all honesty, he had no idea why he'd come out of the caves with them.

And then he had to consider their color. There weren't many Jedi who wielded purple lightsabers, and those who did... Well, it would be a blatant sign to anyone and everyone who saw it that Anakin had dark side training, to a point where it could affect his light side training. Although, in all honesty, he should be glad they weren't any shade of red. The bright red crystals that Sith favored were more often than not synthetic as that particular shade didn't occur in nature but was the default for artificial kyber crystals. However, other shades of red _did_ occur in nature. Darker maroons and rubys or reds more on the orange side... Those were rarely picked these days, though. Jedi tended to lean towards the green or blue crystals in the current Order. As much as the purple sabers spoke of his leanings, they also signified a balance.

At this point, and especially after that vision, he was more than thankful that he had any kind of balance in his life.

As much as he appreciated that, it didn't mean he knew what to do with them.

Reaching over, he picked up the largest crystal. It was also the brightest of the lot and the warmest – the closest to red. It also seemed to be the one that resonated with him the most. His mouth thinned to a grim line. Then he reached out with the Force and lifted the other two into the air, bringing them forward to float in front of his gaze. The smallest was the darkest, a deep amethyst so dark it was almost opaque. The last was a royal purple that, while lovely, didn't seem to want to attract attention to itself, and seemed to be the calmest – the most stable – of the bunch.

After a moment, Anakin let the crystal in his hand join the other two and closed his eyes. What was he supposed to do with these? Was he supposed to make three? Maybe learn Jar'kai and wield two blades? Then have a third for backup?

No, that didn't feel right.

A staff then?

Ugh, that utterly repulsed him. Maul had used a staff and some Jedi Sentinels used pikes similar to staffs... and neither one appealed to Anakin.

Thankfully, he got a rather firm 'no' for that idea as well.

One lightsaber then?

Yes, that felt right.

With three crystals...

Wait...

An idea began to form in his head.

He opened his eyes, blinked for a moment, and then felt the corners of his mouth lift into a smirk as he set the crystals down and went to peruse the lightsaber parts for those that he would need.

xXx

There was a distinct difference between the Jedi holocrons Tai'k Xio had studied and the Sith holocrons she was now studying. Well, there were several differences, but the largest of them was, surprisingly, not the general feel of them. The difference she found the most disconcerting and thus the most noticeable was the near _sentience_ she'd found in the Sith holocrons. To be fair, she had to concede there were all types of Jedi holocrons, and some of them had a comparable presence to the Sith holocrons, but without the sheer _intensity_...

Perhaps it was a dark side thing? She didn't know and was wary about trying to find out. She was here to study one thing and one thing only, and getting off track had been where a lot of fallen Jedi had started.

Inwardly, she frowned. No wonder Anakin had warned her against these. Why would anyone willingly study them for fun? Because if she felt she had a choice, she would gladly take leave of this project here and now. If it weren't for the fact that it had already begun to help her understand her patient, and potentially not just Anakin. Her studies could help her understand dark siders to a far better extent and could also help her understand more about what the Force (both light and dark) really _did_ to people.

Well, if she could get some answers, that is.

" _Is that really_ all _you want?"_ the transparent, red form of an iktotchi female bent down and whispered in her ear. It took all of Tai'k's will to not flinch away. That would only show weakness and it would make getting answers out of this holocron all that more difficult.

Then again, getting answers out of any dark holocron was difficult, especially once they realized she honestly didn't want power or prestige or – as this one kept hinting at – purpose. At least, not _their_ purpose.

"Yes," she asked simply. "I am looking at a study of the dark side's affect on the mind of sentients, so I need to know how you thought before you turned and after."

She expected the woman, Darth Cognus, to grow cold, turn away and shun her before retreating into the holocron and refusing to come out again. This Sith wouldn't be the first, and Tai'k had actually approached this particular holocron a couple of times before with similar results. At least the projection of the ancient Sith had actually chosen to speak to her this time. Had even allowed her to ask her question before retreating.

Honestly, it felt like today had been a particularly dull day in the Sith's eyes and so Cognus had finally deigned to grace her with her presence out of sheer boredom. That level of quality for a holocron still blew her mind.

 _No,_ she told herself, _focus._

" _Why do you want to know_?" the dark voice echoed through the study room she'd ensconced herself in.

Tai'k thought about the question for a moment, doing her best to hide her surprise and tapping her lip with her chin. All she could really see of the other woman's face was the lower half of it, and the four tattoos jutting down from her lip sharply. It definitely didn't give off a friendly feeling.

"Several reasons," she replied, nonchalantly. "But I'm mostly just honestly curious about the effects. I believe it actually physically alters the brain, and I want to know _why_. Especially when the Force itself doesn't have a similar affect." True it could calm people down, but Jedi could be just as volatile as Sith when angry or flustered or even just determined. All without even touching the dark side. So why did the darkness seem to physically twist thoughts when the light side didn't (or at least not to that extreme). And how were the medichlorians involved in all of this? Did the dark side affect them too?

That was her working theory at the moment; that the dark side influences the medichlorians themselves, imbuing a negativity difficult to fight as it worked on a person on their most basal level. She didn't know the exact mechanics, and it was still just a theory for now, but—

" _How boring."_

Tai'k smiled. She had an argument to this one. "Well, knowledge is power."

That caused the Sith to perk up. " _So you_ do _seek power._ "

Well, if they put it that way. "Hmm, perhaps so."

Hook.

The iktotchi's grin widened.

Line.

" _Perhaps I can help you after all..."_

Sinker.

Xio hated manipulating anything or anyone like this, but it seemed to be the only language Sith understood. She'd put that observation down too. Now all she needed to do was project an image of what the Sith expected, and voila.

She made a mental note to talk with her fellow mind-healers and probably Mace later on today. He'd have an accurate read on her state of mind. She didn't think it was getting to her, but more than one Jedi had fallen into that trap before, and she _couldn't_ allow herself to even come close. Not only would she be letting her patients down, but the kind of damage a former mind-healer could do if corrupted...

It made her want to shudder.

But she didn't. She had a facade to hold up right now.

" _We should start with some Sith precepts."_

Tai'k frowned. "You aren't the first holocron I've studied."

" _Oh? Then tell me what you know."_

The silver-haired woman cocked her head to one side. "This is an information exchange. I'll give you what you want to know, but you have to give me the same consideration. Otherwise I put your holocron back and move on."

The figure smiled. It wasn't friendly. _"Oh, you show promise. Very well, what would you like to know?"_

Tai'k didn't allow herself a triumphant grin. She simply tapped her data pad. "From what you remember, what were you like before you turned?"

xXx

 _Later that day_

Master Xio smiled at Anakin as he sat in the chair across from hers. He returned the smile.

"How are you today, Anakin?"

"As well as can be expected."

She frowned. "Anakin..."

It was funny. Her therapy seemed to have morphed since he'd initially started coming to her. She seemed far more easy-going now than she had initially, and while she was still scarily accurate in her guesses, in most other areas she had changed, somehow – become more welcoming and open while simultaneously seeming just as strict. Also, she seemed to have adopted Girth's opinion on feelings and emotions, or something similar at least. Anakin had to admit, he liked the change.

Usually.

"I am extremely nervous," he said through gritted teeth. He'd already _been_ through this with Girth... _multiple times_ if he counted more than the current situation. _Why was it_ still _so hard?!_ "And... scared." Saying that last one almost physically hurt.

She smiled at him again, a true, warm smile that did a lot to put him more at ease. "Understandable. I might be a little worried if you weren't."

Well that was new. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Aren't most Jedi expected to not feel fear?"

For several seconds she didn't answer, although her lips thinned. She didn't look upset at him though. How interesting.

"We are human, Anakin. Not feeling fear would be tantamount to not feeling anything at all, ever. And while Jedi strive for a mastery of themselves, and then hopefully their fear, that doesn't mean they don't feel fear at all."

Anakin wasn't sure what to say to that. He'd heard the ideal before, but he still wasn't sure he could believe that. Not after how he'd grown up the first time. It just didn't... compute.

"Would you like to talk about it?" The mind healer asked suddenly, probably sensing that Anakin wasn't ready to delve into the deeper realms of his experiences as a former Jedi just yet. "Palpatine and the ensuing situation, I mean."

Although such a blatant dodge was still very unlike her. Unless there was a meaning behind it. Perhaps _she_ wasn't ready to discuss Jedi and how they 'should' and 'shouldn't' feel? He wasn't quite sure what to think about that, so he humored her with a heavy sigh.

"It seems to be all anyone in the know wants me to do: Talk about it. Master Yaddle when we met up after my Force Techniques class," which he had been markedly improving in lately, he was glad he'd decided to tell her of the future and his return from it too. "Master Yoda when I met with him after I came back from the Gathering, even Coira and Maelee when they heard. They practically pounced on me the moment I got to class after returning from the Gathering." Which was a rather terrifying thought. Those two were a force to be reckoned with when they somehow got on the same wavelength. Thankfully, that wasn't often.

"What did Master Yoda and Master Yaddle say?" Master Xio asked curiously.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Other than informing me that I'd very likely be going before the Council some time in the next few days to tell them more about my 'dark' master?" he was sure she knew about that and that Yoda (and Girth) would be coming in to speak with them at the end of this session so they could address that issue. The way her eyebrow raised ever so slightly let him know he was right, so he answered her question. "They wanted to make sure I wanted to go through with it. Master Yaddle even offered to take me on as a padawan if I wanted to get out of it."

Master Xio raised her eyebrows even higher. "She did? And you didn't accept?"

This time Anakin's smile felt sad and far too old for his youthful face. "It was only to get me out of the program. She wouldn't take me on otherwise. I know she would do her best once committed, but I don't know if that kind of relationship is one I could willingly pledge myself to again. Besides, I volunteered to go through with this. Part of me wants to – wants to prove that I can face him."

"I can see why that would appeal to you, Anakin. But are you _ready_ for it?"

He sighed again. "I don't think I ever will be," he replied, echoing his words to Girth.

"We're just worried that you're rushing into this."

At first Anakin bristled a bit, but then he took a deep breath and thought about it. In all honesty, they were completely justified in thinking that, weren't they? He did tend to rush into things without thinking them through, even now. True, he'd tempered the habit a lot, but their thought process was still understandable.

"I... can't say that I'm not," he replied quietly. "But I can say that I am still far more qualified to go in there as opposed to any of the child ambassadors. It is also an opportunity that I would... regret not taking. That I can promise you."

The older woman returned his sigh, but nodded. "Very well, Anakin. I'll reiterate that none of us like this, but it is your choice."

He smiled at her, small but real. "And that means more to me than you know."

They shared a grin for a moment before she tapped on the data pad in front of her.

"Well, I know you don't really want to discuss Palpatine at the moment, but I would very much like to go over your rather complicated relationship with him and we can perhaps pinpoint some things that you can keep in mind during your interactions with him. We can make a basic plan to help strengthen your defense against his manipulations. Would that be okay?"

He wanted to sigh, because he really was sick of all of this... but he could also see her point of view. Besides, anything to bolster his defenses against the Sith Master would be a good thing in his book.

"Very well," he said.

Her smile turned encouraging. "Excellent, Anakin. Now, tell me everything you remember about your relationship with him. Anything you feel you can share. If there is something you can't speak of right now, just let me know and we'll move on, but the more thorough you are, the better."

His lips thinned, but he nodded.

And then started at the beginning, starting with how he met the man and how the 'kindly old senator' had filled the void of his support after Qui-gon died and he'd left his mother. He spoke of how close he and the Chancellor grew, how the former slave came to view the other as a wise man whom he could count on for anything. He spoke of how he could see now how the man's words had poisoned him and his relationship with Obi-wan, with the other Jedi, even with Padmé.

Master Xio asked for clarification here and there and wished to know what kind of wording Palpatine had used, what kinds of ideals he pushed and how they were at odds with his actions. Anakin answered her questions as best he could while trying not give into his anger and bitterness.

Then he told her how things had changed as a Sith. How he'd viewed the man as his master yet again, and yet had still seen him as a friend initially. That had changed rather quickly, though, even if Sidious had still referred to Anakin as 'old friend' for the entirety of his time as a Sith. He'd grown to hate Sidious and everything the man stood for, and yet he'd continued to fight for his master because he still believed in the cause Sidious outwardly pushed, although in reality, he'd long-since abandoned such ideology by that point.

"I was such an idiot," Anakin finally finished, his face in his hands.

"Oh, Anakin," Master Xio said softly. "He built an image for you to see from such a young age, it's not surprising you had difficulties breaking away from it. And you couldn't have prevented it because it's unrealistic at best to expect your nine-year-old self to have seen him for what he was, not with the kind of background you had. You can't blame yourself for something you had no knowledge of."

He snorted but said nothing more. It was his blindness that had caused so much pain. His inability to see the truth that had destroyed so many lives. Master Xio wasn't wrong in the fact that he as a nine-year-old couldn't have possibly seen that... but that didn't stop it from being his fault. His and Palpatine's.

There were so many reasons to hate that man.

There were so many reasons to hate himself.

He decided to skip over voicing the fact of his own guilt because she'd disagree with him and he just didn't want to get into that right now. He jumped, instead, to something he knew she'd agree with him on.

"I can see how he stopped me from ever really being free, now," he whispered. "I thought we were so close, but I know slaves who will protect their masters with their lives. I... I think that's what he was going for; a powerful slave who would do anything to protect him... at least initially. He never wanted me to take over the Sith from him." He just couldn't see Palpatine ever allowing anyone to take over.

"Whatever his goals, I'm glad you can see the consequences to his actions, Anakin."

"I wish he'd never been in my life," he said, hating how raw and exposed and _tired_ he felt right now.

Master Xio sighed. "I know you wish you didn't have a past with him, but the truth is you and he had a relationship for far too long for you to just realistically dismiss it. I would be surprised, and a little worried, if you could."

"I killed him, you know," Anakin said, trying to point out that yes, he _could_ just dismiss it, thank you very much. He just had to steel himself and be _strong_ for once. "In the future."

The Jedi Master's brow furrowed a bit. "And how do you feel about that?"

He should have known better than to say something like that. He blamed his child-like mind again. He was beginning to go through puberty now, after all. And his impulsiveness could easily be attributed to that and the Emotional Regulation Disorder both Master Xio and Healer Girth agreed that he had. It didn't make for a good combination.

Still, what was done was done, and he was tired of running from the consequences of his actions, even if facing them was painful and uncomfortable.

Especially right now.

"I... don't know," he started, trying to concentrate on the knot of emotion involved in what he'd done to his former master. The Jedi healer waited patiently as he organized his thoughts. "I... part of me is proud of what I did... but I still took a life, so part of me is ashamed. Part of me just wanted him to stop hurting Luke and part of me..." Oh, he so did not want to acknowledge this... but his therapists insisted that being completely honest with himself would help him, and they hadn't really steered him wrong before. So he grit his teeth, and said it, "Part of me feels... feels terrible. That part of me still... still saw him as... as a friend," he practically spat the word, "and mentor. How stupid is that?"

Master Xio sighed. "Anakin, what you know," she tapped the side of her head, "and what you feel," she put a hand over her chest, "are two different things. You can know something completely and still not feel it – still wish for it to be different.

"You wanted the person you could trust and turn to back, and that isn't a bad thing."

"Except that he never will come back. He was never truly 'there' to begin with."

"No, but there's nothing wrong in wanting what you thought you had. I'm glad we addressed this, though, because now you can look out for it when you face him again."

Anakin swallowed, but he had to admit that she had a point.

"Part of you will want to trust him again – will very likely feel badly for not trusting him. If you have to put on the facade of trusting him, part of you will probably worry you're giving in and part of you will likely be upset at deceiving him. Part of you may even want to forget that you know it isn't real. Now that you know, you can prepare yourself and try to identify those parts of you and resist.

"Actually, this leads into something I was planning on getting to today. Your therapy, Anakin has been... well, different than what is recommended for most people with ERD, mainly because we didn't diagnose it until much later into our sessions. Healer Girth and I were speaking and we decided to try something with you if you're up for it. I mentioned before that we were going to try and create a base plan for certain instances that you're likely to run into. That is part of this new therapy."

"Plan?"

She nodded. "Yes. Here, just a moment." She pulled out her comm and opened it.

"You can come in now."

It took Anakin a moment to realize that there were, indeed, two presences on the other side of the door and he mentally kicked himself for not being aware. He also wondered what that said about his mind-set in the therapy sessions.

A moment later, it opened and both occupants of the room turned to see Healer Girth and Master Yoda stepping through the entrance. Right, they still had to figure out what was going to happen with the Jedi Council insisting Anakin tell them about his dark master.

Suddenly, he just wanted this day to be over.

Acknowledging the feeling, he released it to the Force with a sigh.

"Master Yoda. Healer Girth," Master Xio said, standing and bowing respectfully in their direction.

"Master Xio, Anakin," the drall returned with a slight bow of his own.

"Hmm. Good, it is, to see you both."

The two diminutive beings walked over to the couch and hefted themselves onto it. Anakin wondered why they didn't have a shorter couch or chairs to accommodate their smaller statures.

"Thank you both for coming," Master Xio said as she took her own seat again. "We were just discussing creating a plan for specific instances when Anakin goes to see Palpatine."

"Oh, excellent!" Healer Girth said with a smile. He turned his furry head to Anakin. "Did you come up with anything?"

Anakin shook his head. He rarely took the time to sit down and plan (now that the Emperor didn't _make_ him half the time) because no plan survived first contact; especially his plans. Still, the idea of going into the Senate with some clue of what he was doing had already done a lot to calm him down, so he resigned himself to the necessity this time.

"If I can manage to speak to him without giving away how... worried he makes me, I don't believe I will have a problem."

"Hmm. Help there, I can. Go with you, the first time, I will," Master Yoda said. "Although wish to note, I do, that like this arrangement, I do not."

Anakin sighed. "Noted."

The green being nodded and rested his head on his hands atop his gimmer stick, saying nothing more now that he'd spoken his piece.

"But, Anakin, do you honestly think that he won't say something that could take you off guard or make you panic? Or feel cornered?" Master Xio asked, sounding rather concerned herself.

Anakin sighed. "If I do things as I should, I won't panic at all."

She raised an eyebrow in question. "Do you want to take that chance?"

Well, put that way, no... no he didn't.

So maybe looking at this was a good idea. He pushed his uncertainties and weariness aside for now and focused on the conversation.

"So if he takes you off guard or makes you feel panicked, what do you think the best option would be?" Healer Girth asked.

Anakin frowned. "It... would depend on why I was worrying or panicking," he said.

"Well, figuring out why you are panicking would be a good thing, but could you do that in his presence?" Healer Girth asked.

Anakin actually shot him a dry look. "Simply being in his presence will not prohibit my ability to think." Well, not much. Or at least that particular situation wouldn't be something he hadn't dealt with before. But then, wasn't that part of the problem here?

"Very well," Master Xio said, typing on her data pad again. "We can put that down as step 1: Figure out why you're panicking."

She took his silence as incentive to continue. "If figuring out why you're upset can calm you down enough, you can decide whether to go onto step 2 or not."

"What will step 2 be?"

"Ideally, getting you out of the situation, even if only for a few minutes, so you can calm down," Master Xio stated.

"Indeed," Girth nodded. "If you cannot figure out why you're upset, or figuring it out does little to help you, then find an excuse to leave his presence."

"That will be too obvious," Anakin protested. "He'll become suspicious."

Master Xio conceded the point with a nod, but it was Girth who spoke up.

"Well, we have two options then: find an excuse you can use – you're serving the Chancellor, of course you're going to get nervous and overwhelmed. Something along those lines. Or we can _make_ an excuse. We can set it up so that you push a button on your comm and one of your friends or Master Yoda or myself or Master Xio or one of your teachers – _someone_ – will call you. We can have them ask after homework, talk about how you forgot to take your 'medicine' today – I know you don't have any, we'd get you some sugar pills or the like to keep up the facade – or you have to leave early due to some complication or other."

The younger Jedi shook his head. "That will only work so many times."

Master Xio nodded, "True. But it will give us something to work with two or three times now. We can brainstorm for new ideas and discuss it at our next session."

"I also recommend a couple of calming techniques that are designed to help you pause and think things through," the drall said, bringing them back on track. "However, as most of what I usually recommend won't work in this situation, there are a couple of things that can help to ground you. We can focus on your five senses – preferably taste, smell or touch. For instance, is there a fragrance you like? We can get you a small bottle of it and you can spray it."

There were a couple – Padmé's perfumes specifically – but all of those were expensive and would draw attention. Palpatine would wonder why a child from the Jedi Temple had something so unusual and costly.

"I don't think smell will work."

Healer Girth just nodded. "How about taste then?" he asked. "We could get you some gum or a tin of mints. Those are easy to obtain and not difficult or suspicious to have on your person."

And he still loved to be able to taste. That was actually a viable option.

"I like that one better."

"Excellent," Master Xio said while Girth nodded. "And what about touch? Is there something you could rub or hold or squeeze? A stress ball, perhaps?"

"We could also get you a bottle of lotion. Just putting some on your hands can remind you to calm down and we might be able to get a good fragrance for you too."

"I think that might be too much too," Anakin said slowly, "but a stress ball... I mean, Padmé used to have some, but I've never used one."

"Padmé?"

Oh... right. He'd avoided using her name. Kriff. And did Master Yoda know he had a wife? He was pretty sure he'd said something, but Anakin couldn't remember and decided to avoid the situation for now.

"She is... someone I used to know."

He knew he hadn't fooled anyone in the room, but they all seemed willing to let it go for now.

"In any case, a tin of mints and a stress ball you can carry in the pocket of your Jedi robe are some good ideas," Master Xio piped up, making some more notes.

"What about counting backward from 20 in another language?" Girth asked. "It's a tried and true classic method," he turned to Anakin. "You focus on the numbers as hard as you can. If it's a language you're learning right now, all the better. Because the numbers mean little, it can help you to emotionally and mentally take a step back." He glanced back at master Xio. "Actually, I think that should be step 1."

"I agree," she returned with a nod, then looked over at Anakin. "What do you think?"

"Obi-wan used to tell me to do that when I got angry."

The mind-healers exchanged a glance.

"Did it work?" Master Xio asked.

Anakin shrugged. "I never used it." Well, he had, but rarely. He couldn't ever remember it working, but he couldn't remember it _not_ working either, and it had been so long...

"Well, we're focusing specifically on panic or worry, right now, but I don't see why these methods couldn't work for anger in a pinch," Girth commented. Then he met Anakin's gaze again. "If you're willing to try."

It really wasn't difficult to see how distracting himself and trying to take an emotional step back could help him in front of Palpatine, so he nodded. It was better than his method of focusing on his hatred or of how to kill the next Jedi he came across in any case. After all, that was how he'd dealt with Palpatine's presence before. That, or forcing himself to focus on what Palpatine wanted him to focus on and nothing else. That had taken a while to perfect... and it might actually be a plan of action he could still use if necessary.

Alright, so the plan is to go in as calmly as he could and focus on whatever he needed to focus on to keep up his facade. Simple enough and he could work with it if he needed to adjust.

"Let's just walk through it all for now," Master Xio said with a smile. "So, if you find your emotions are getting to be too much to handle, the first thing you do?"

"Count backwards from 20 in a random language, squeeze the stress ball and eat a mint," Anakin answered, glad he'd been able to follow everything until now. "This will help me take an emotional and mental step back so I can analyze the situation better."

"And step 2?"

"Analyze why I feel what I feel."

"Excellent," Healer Girth grinned. "And step 3?"

"If I can analyze my emotions and it calms me down or I feel I can handle it, carry on. If I can't analyze my emotion or it doesn't help, find a way to get out."

Girth nodded, but also held up his paw. "I want to say that normally, we wouldn't want you to get out of most undesirable situations. It encourages avoidance, and while avoiding your triggers can be positive, there are times where you will have to deal with them and can't just get out. At that point, you need to be able to face them."

"However, most such situations don't involve a Sith Lord bent on ruling the universe who is extremely intelligent and who can possibly read your emotions if not your mind," Master Xio said a bit wryly.

The drall snorted softly. "Indeed." He turned to Anakin again. "It's something to keep in mind in the future. If you're in a situation you would usually rather avoid for emotional reasons, try to use these steps to help yourself get through the situation instead."

Anakin blinked. What kinds of situations could he possibly get into that he couldn't otherwise handle?

"Like what?" he asked.

For the first time in a while, Master Yoda spoke up. "Noticed, I have, that speak of your emotions, you do not. Speak of your shortcomings, you do not, although admit that you have them, you do often."

Master Xio looked like she agreed. "We did kind of have to pry it all out of you."

Anakin thought of his old timeline, when he and Obi-wan would dance around issues they had for weeks or months (sometimes years) before a situation would force them to actually say something about it. Hadn't that been one of the reasons why he'd never told his old master about Padmé? It had all been about saving face and keeping up the illusion that he was... well, the best.

"I... think I see what you mean," he finally said slowly. "And I will... endeavor to not allow such things to happen in the future."

Master Xio smiled. "Thank you, Anakin. Now, we'll give you a comm where you can push a button and it will alert one of us. Whoever can get to you first will be the one to respond. After the first two times, we'll try and figure something else out."

"Hopefully it won't get that far," Anakin said. He still wasn't sure this would be a reliable failsafe, but having a general plan in place did help.

"I hope you know that all of this applies if you're out of Palpatine's vicinity too," Girth pointed out, a soft smile on his face. "Although you'll have more options available to you, and again, we'd prefer if you didn't make a habit out of avoiding difficult things."

The room fell silent for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts, until Master Xio spoke up. "We should also set up some code words for Anakin to use depending on the severity of the situation. For instance, we could use colors. You describe something white to mean that you're fine or that there isn't actually a problem – you accidentally hit the button or it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. You mention something blue to indicate that it's something you'll be able to deal with in a few minutes and just need to step out. You mention something yellow to indicate that you might need a break for the day, and something red for us to get you out ASAP."

Obviously Master Xio didn't study codes. But it wasn't like they needed anything elaborate right now, and it was something easy that they could all remember.

"I agree," Girth said with a nod of his head before he turned his beady eyes on Anakin. "But only if you will use that system responsibly. That means being as honest with yourself and with us as you can be. If you press the button and need to get out for a few minutes, no telling us you're fine. You won't trouble us. And it goes just as well in the other direction. If you use the 'red' code once, I think we should reconsider you going back at all. If you use the yellow one several times in a row, that is also a sign that we should reconsider."

"We'll find a way and a reason," Master Xio said to Anakin, stopping him from voicing a protest. "But your mental health comes first here. If you use the red code, that's perfectly fine, but Girth is right. It is likely a sign that you may not be able to go back, for whatever reason. Obviously it will be a case by case basis, but we will reconsider you returning to his presence if it proves to be too much. And considering your history with him, that would be perfectly understandable."

"And finally," Healer Girth said again, "we need a plan for afterwards. Master Xio and I won't always be available, especially if you come back early. But going off on your own is not a good idea."

"Yes, that will be strictly forbidden," Master Xio agreed. "If Healer Girth or myself aren't available, seek out Master Yoda, or Siri, or one of your friends. Find a way to not be alone. That is very important."

Anakin cocked his head, confused. "Why?" Couldn't he just go off and train? That was how he'd dealt with things up until this point.

"Because after being with someone like him, who can twist your words and thoughts and ideas, it's important to counteract that as quickly as possible," Healer Girth said, his voice almost grave. "If you don't, it can lead to the thoughts and ideas festering, tearing down your morale and building up bad habits. It allows those ideas to take root, which can make them even more difficult to talk about."

Master Xio nodded in agreement. "Yes, we need you to find someone to speak with about these things."

"So preferably someone in the know," Anakin muttered.

"Or to a Master, you could go," Master Yoda said thoughtfully. "As long as speak only, you do, about what the Chancellor told you, hmm?"

"As a last resort," Anakin asked a bit dryly.

Master Yoda nodded.

He could already tell how uncomfortable that would be. But again, the mind-healers hadn't steered him wrong yet.

"Very well," he conceded. "Find someone and talk to them about Palpatine as the last step."

"Even if what you spoke of with him doesn't seem too serious, we still need you to do it," Master Xio insisted.

Anakin wanted to sigh. This just seemed like it would be more work he didn't have time for. But this was Palpatine they were talking about. He knew how dangerous that man could be. So he nodded again.

"Excellent," Master Xio stated, exchanging a relieved smile with Healer Girth.

"I think that concludes everything we needed to talk about regarding that," the drall said with a satisfied nod.

"Now," Master Yoda spoke up again, "speak, we should, of the Council summons."

Anakin didn't groan, but it was a near thing. He already felt emotionally drained. But this had to be done. Story of his life, lately.

"Yes, Master."

xXx

It actually didn't turn out to be so badly, especially seeing as neither Master Xio or Healer Girth thought now was a good time to let Anakin be questioned about Palpatine, for which he was incredibly grateful. Master Xio even said she would personally go before the Council and demand they wait until Anakin was ready.

Right as he was leaving, it really hit him how lucky he was for having two therapists who fit so well with him. Somehow he doubted that everyone got their therapists right on the first try.

Or, perhaps it was the will of the Force instead of luck.

He went to bed smiling that night.

xXx

AN: Sorry it might seem a bit rushed, but the chapter was rather long already and next chapter is all about The Meeting *dun dun dun*, so I didn't want to take away from it by putting more therapy stuff in there. I like to keep those to 1 chapter in most cases.

So, apparently some of my amazing readers are people who have actually been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (what I'm calling Emotional Regulation Disorder or ERD in this story) and after consulting them, they suggested to actually map out plans for situations because it's a very common treatment for borderline personality disorder. If Anakin has pre-thought-out things to do when he begins to panic, it will help him remain calm and actually think things through. At least, that's the idea behind it. We'll see if it actually pans out that way. LOL

Thank you again for your support! It means so much to me! I'm looking to get a book published here soon, so if that works, I'll let people know. :) Probably won't be for a few months at best, but yeah.

Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate!

–Thanks to my beta readers, Khalthar, BoyTranscending and Carradee!


	5. Chapter 5

He was back on Tatooine again.

Somehow, he couldn't help but let out a sigh as he dropped to the sand. This was getting tiring.

"So," a voice beside him said. "Tomorrow."

Anakin glanced over at Qui-gon sitting serenely on the sand watching the sunset. He didn't look at Anakin and that in and of itself said quite a lot.

He turned back to look at the sunset himself. "Yeah."

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, watching the wind change the dunes in front of them. It didn't seem to touch the two of them, funnily enough.

"I won't ask you if you're alright or if you're sure," Qui-gon finally said. "It won't do either of us any good. But I will ask that if you feel overwhelmed either before or after you get there, that you do not try to stay out of pride. That is a mistake I made all too often."

Anakin felt a jolt of surprise. "You?"

Qui-gon snorted. "When Obi-wan isn't hurting so much, you should ask him about my legendary stubbornness. Tell him you overheard Mace talking about it." His grin was wry, if a little sad, and he still didn't look over at Anakin.

The former Sith thought about that. The Qui-gon he knew had seemed underhanded and determined, but now that the older man mentioned it, Anakin could see hints of the man's stubborn nature. It just hadn't really occurred to him before.

He almost snorted, but instead lowered it to an emphasized 'hm' instead.

Then the mood sobered again.

"I know you tire of hearing people asking you if you're sure you can do this, but they merely worry."

This time, Anakin did snort although it ended up rather dry. "As well they should." He noted that Qui-gon had finally turned to study him, face blank. The former Sith had to stop himself from shrinking back under the scrutiny. "I am well aware of the risks, Qui-gon. I am in far better of a position to understand than most. But I have to do this. I have to prove – if only to myself – that my fear of the past will not rule me." He felt his gaze harden. "I want to put Darth Vader behind me once and for all, and I think... no, I _know_ this will help."

Anakin tried once again to squash the voice in the back of his head that whispered questions. _What if you're not ready? Are you willing to risk the future of the Galaxy on this? How selfish and reckless can you be? What if he sees right through you? What if you don't even realize he's changing you?_ Again. _Are you sure you'll be able to recognize his manipulations?_

"I can tell that you're questioning yourself," Qui-gon thankfully interrupted that rather destructive line of thinking. "It's understandable that you're worried."

Anakin slumped. "I'd be a fool not to be. He is so good at locating small flaws and working on them until that is all you see, and he does it in a way that still makes him seem benevolent."

"Hmm," Qui-gon said after a moment, contemplative. "Well, would you like me, as a former manipulator, to tell you the two best ways to manipulate one?"

The sands changed. Anakin blinked. That... hadn't been what he'd expected from the other man.

He glanced suspiciously at Qui-gon, curious in spite of himself, then raised an eyebrow deliberately to encourage him to continue.

Qui-gon chuckled and shook his head before once again turning serious. "The first thing you must remember is to choose – create even – your own battlefield by giving him a weakness that isn't a weakness. You say he's good at finding chinks in your mental armor, so place some bait. Make it look as if there is a weakness where there isn't. You will have to put your whole body into the illusion – especially in front of Palpatine. If he is as good as you say he is, then nothing half-hearted will do, but if you can pull it off, it will draw his attention away from your real chinks."

Anakin blinked. That... was brilliant. "Can you give me an example?" he asked slowly. He got the concept, but he always had been a kinetic learner and examples helped.

The dead Jedi nodded and thought for a moment. "Let's take podracing for example. You and I both know that you love it. You have very little negative to associate with it, so it is one of your greatest strengths. Now of course, Palpatine is going to try to find a weakness. He is going to antagonize you and attempt to make you angry or uncertain or even trusting so that you'll slip up and tell him what he wants to know. So, when it's natural to do so, you mention podracing, stating that while you are exceptionally good at it, you don't like doing it because of how dangerous it is or it makes your mother feel. If you can sell it well enough, then he will believe that podracing is a potential weakness of yours, when in fact, it is not. You can present a facade of negative passion about podracing and allow yourself to put effort and energy into maintaining that facade, offering it as a point he can pick at or exploit when in reality, you are in complete control the entire time."

He faded off, contemplating. "Perhaps that isn't the best scenario, but I hope it illustrates my point."

Ah, it did. Not well, but Anakin did feel he grasped the general idea better. "So point out a topic that isn't really an issue with me, but react as if it was. Act."

"Indeed," Qui-gon said, sounding pleased.

"Hmm," Anakin said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. He'd never been particularly good at acting, but perhaps he could look into it?

"The second, and arguably the most important thing you have to remember is to give manipulators what they expect. Show him that you are a Jedi Initiate, with all the flaws and strengths that that implies. It might even be a good idea to model yourself after one of your friends, then just ask yourself what they would do in any given situation that comes up."

That... actually wasn't a bad idea.

"So why are you just telling me this now?" Anakin asked. He would have liked a little time to work through all of this and find ways to help himself implement the suggestions more easily.

"Because this is the first time I've really been able to contact you since that vision."

Anakin blinked. "On Ilum?"

Qui-gon nodded serenely.

"You were... really there?"

Again he nodded. "And you weren't exactly in the right mind set for me to bring this up then."

Well, Anakin couldn't argue with that. Still, the thought of anyone seeing him like that caused him no little embarrassment.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of," Qui-gon said soothingly.

Anakin didn't answer. Because how we he _not_ supposed to be ashamed of that?

The older Jedi seemed to sense that he wouldn't get anywhere with the topic and thankfully dropped it.

"I want you to know, Anakin," he finally said after a couple of silent minutes, "that I will do my best to support you. I can't manifest on the physical plain, not yet, but for that reason he cannot completely stop me from being with you. If it goes sideways, I'll do my best to get you help."

Anakin blinked. Part of him wanted to refuse, to save his pride and say he could do this alone... but most of him knew how that wasn't true. Most of him... couldn't help but be touched.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Qui-gon smile. "You really have come a long way, Anakin."

He didn't know exactly what had brought that on, but he appreciated that too. He just sent a smile at Qui-gon before turning to look at the perpetual sunset. They sat in that comfortable silence until the scene faded away, leaving Anakin to sleep.

xXx

Anakin woke feeling surprisingly refreshed.

Which was good. He'd need all the advantages he could get. His stomach dropped to his ankles when he realized that in only a few short hours, he would be meeting with one Sheev Palpatine. And suddenly his potential good mood went South. Oh, Force.

The morning felt as if it were crawling by, and yet when he met Yoda on the Temple steps, he wondered where the time had gone. He and Yoda rode a taxi to the Senate building in silence, Anakin trying not to be sick the entire time.

He barely noticed himself stepping out of the taxi and onto the steps of their destination until the taxi drove away. He watched it go before swallowing and looking up at the giant, looming structure. He'd never noticed how sinister of an air it had about it before. Then again, Padmé had been there as well, in most of his memories. That probably had a lot to do with how he perceived the entire place. The fact that she wasn't here now and still had at least 6 years to go before her term as Queen was up so she could be even considered as Senator...

A cough from Yoda brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to look at the ancient master. He looked worried.

"Let's go," Anakin said determinedly and walked through the enormous front doors. He knew where to go, but followed Master Yoda as he shuffled along, watching the people coming and going. He even saw a few people he knew and managed a wave and a smile that he hoped didn't look too forced.

It took forever and a blink of an eye to get to the Chancellor's chamber. Anakin was really beginning to hate that dichotomy. He stood there in front of the door, looking at the muted color of the duraplast but unable to move forward.

Again, it was Master Yoda who spoke up.

"Have to do this, you do not. Reminding you, I am. An excuse, we can still make."

Anakin blinked at his companion and for one very long moment, found himself extremely tempted. Just getting away from all of this sounded so desirable... And yet...

He remembered his words to Qui-gon the night before.

'I want to put Darth Vader behind me once and for all, and... I _know_ this will help.'

"You're wrong," Anakin heard himself say softly. "I do have to do this. For me."

Maybe he was being selfish, but he couldn't live with himself if he got this far and ran away now. Force, he already had a hard time living with himself, and he didn't need to make that any worse.

Yoda seemed to study him for several seconds before his ears drooped ever so slightly and he sighed. Then he lifted his cane and used it to hit the button that would open the door to the waiting room. A human woman with dark hair sitting behind a rich, wooden desk looked up as they walked into the opulent room. Anakin could practically feel the luxury dripping off of every chair, every table, every decoration, every light fixture... even the carpet and wall paint.

Not that Sheev Palpatine would have anything less.

The hawkbats in his stomach turned into a Kaminoan storm, but he kept his face firmly blank and tried to release it all to the Force. Yoda still shot a glance at him before approaching the desk. Anakin followed him, feeling himself tense with every step. When Yoda stopped, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, reached into his pocket and felt the stress ball. He squeezed it while counting in his head in Mando'a.

It helped, surprisingly enough.

A clawed hand on his arm brought him back to the present and he looked up to see Yoda.

"I'm fine," he muttered quietly.

Yoda didn't look convinced, but he didn't call Anakin's bluff. "Then follow me, you should," was all he said as he turned towards the door in the back of the room. He also tipped his head in the direction of the secretary and waved. Anakin followed his lead and sent her the widest smile he could manage. It convinced her, apparently because she grinned back and then turned her attention to her work again.

Anakin squeezed and released his stress ball over and over again as they approached the door, forcing his muscles to relax as he reminded himself that he'd already seen Palpatine in this time period. He'd already faced the guy a couple of times. It wasn't perfect, but a padawan meeting the most politically powerful man in the universe should be a little nervous.

They paused in front of the door again and he glanced over at Yoda, nodding his head as it opened. He saw the figure sitting behind the dark-ebony desk and suddenly, he wasn't in the Senate building, but in the Imperial Palace. The Emperor had turned the Senate into his own residence, allowing the Imperial Senate to meet there and discuss things on his terms.

It had gone through some rather major renovations, though. The dark, spacious throne room extruded an elegant menace, somehow making it both desirable and detestable at the same time. How very like the man who had taken over the Republic, turning it into his very own kingdom, and Anakin – Vader – waited to be acknowledged by the Emperor.

He suddenly found it much easier to clamp down on his feelings, knowing if he didn't then there would be pain, if he were lucky. Above all else, the Emperor liked control the most, and so he punished what he could sense that he didn't like – and what he didn't like depended on his mood as often as it didn't. He could only hope that Palpatine wasn't in a good mood today. As odd as it seemed, those were the most painful days. Blanking his face as he always did – it helped with his emotions, even if no one could see his face – he stood at attention, feeling the familiar form and taking what comfort he could from it. He had to make sure the Emperor couldn't read anything off of him – he couldn't afford the weakness.

"Initiate?"

A blink and he was back in the Senate building. Yoda was watching him with an unreadable expression and Palpatine seemed curious and confused.

He'd been acknowledged, so he walked in, making sure his steps were confident and sure, stopping in front of his desk and bowing. He barely stopped himself from asking what his Master's bidding was.

"Well," Palpatine said, glancing from Anakin to Yoda, who hobbled up beside him, "he certainly seems to know how to make one feel... respected."

"Hmm, breaking him of his old habits, we are," Master Yoda said, almost in passing. Anakin took a deep breath but didn't dare let his hands back in his pockets to reach for that stress ball, let alone the mints. He'd thought he would be able to handle this, but now he realized that he'd forgotten what being in this man's presence was really like. Even after his two meetings in this timeline, he'd forgotten. If he showed he'd forgotten, Sidious would make sure he didn't forget again. And it would be painful.

"You can be at ease, young man," Palpatine assured him.

Anakin nodded once and took an at ease military position.

"I meant you can sit down," he said, gesturing to one of the seats in front of the desk.

For a moment, that didn't compute. The former Sith glanced down as if seeing the soft, cream-colored chair for the first time. Then he glanced up at Palpatine as if to be sure, then back at the seat, then at Master Yoda before finally lowering himself, slowly and stiffly, into the chair as if it would attack him for doing so.

"I suppose that meeting the Chancellor like this can be a little overwhelming," Palpatine said in an understanding voice that simultaneously made Anakin want to brace himself and relax.

And Anakin had to go through another hour of this... maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Hmm, indeed," Yoda agreed, obviously taking his cue from Anakin. He was a much better actor than his fellow Jedi, looking far more at ease in the presence of the Sith Lord. Again, it didn't seem to compute in Anakin's head. How could he just be so _calm_ about this whole thing?

Because he had to be to not draw suspicion. Right.

Anakin closed his eyes, reminded himself that he wasn't in the future, Sidious didn't know him or anything about him, they had no history. He counted backwards from 10 in Bothan and forced himself to relax.

When he opened his eyes, he felt a little more like a Jedi Initiate instead of an apprentice Sith Lord. It wasn't much, but he'd take what he could get.

"What is your name, my boy?" Palpatine asked him kindly, setting his current work aside.

Anakin wanted to swallow but didn't dare. He glanced at Yoda again before opening his mouth.

"Anakin Skywalker, sir." The words came out far calmer than he would have imagined they could and he mentally patted his back.

"Excellent. I'm pleased to have both you and Master Yoda here today. Although I will admit, I didn't expect the Grandmaster to come himself."

"Nervous to meet the Chancellor, Initiate Skywalker was. Some time, I could make."

"Ah, yes. Well, now that you're here, I'm not so bad, am I?" he turned back to Anakin with a welcoming, grandfatherly smile. There was no malice in it, and yet it made Anakin's heart sink and his stomach tie into knots. He hoped he wasn't visibly sweating.

"I... suppose not, sir," Anakin said hesitantly, forcing the words out and hating how bitter they tasted on his tongue.

The older man's smile widened and he sat back in his chair. Anakin had to look away. That pose reminded him far too much of how the Emperor preferred to sit.

Oh, this was so much harder than he thought it would be.

They were right. He wasn't ready.

He was right. He'd never be ready.

Kriff.

"Well, why don't you tell me about yourself. I know I've met you before. You were at Naboo, right?"

And he couldn't back down now.

He forced himself to put his hand in his pocket and reach for the stress ball, whether Palpatine could see or not. He wasn't Vader anymore. This wasn't Sidious... well, his Sidious. Ugh. He squeezed the thing as tightly as he could, took a deep breath and nodded. He hoped the smile he gave didn't look too forced.

"I was. I come from an outer rim planet fairly near there," the less information he could give the better, so no names. "Master Qui-gon Jinn and his Padawan, Obi-wan Kenobi, landed there with the Queen and her entourage after escaping the blockade."

"Ah, yes, I remember that. Please continue."

"Master Qui-gon secured my help in obtaining the parts he needed and in turn he freed me—"

"Freed?"

Anakin felt his mouth go dry. He'd said too much... no, wait, he was supposed to tell Palpatine that he was a slave. It would make his strained actions far more explainable. Didn't mean he had to like it.

"Yes, sir," he replied, focusing on keeping his voice steady. "I was a slave."

"That's... terrible! I... didn't know that things like that still happened in the universe. The Republic's laws should counter all of that!"

"It was Hutt territory," the blond boy muttered. That was too much information too. He'd already given Palpatine anything he'd need to track down Anakin's origin. Kriff.

"Your... master must have run you ragged. You speak very well for a child your age, let alone a slave. That's quite the accomplishment."

"He... was very strict," Anakin said, mentally kicking himself. He'd gotten past this months – over a year – ago. He needed to stop talking like the second in command of the Imperial Army and more like the child he currently was.

"You poor child," Palpatine said, just the right amount of worry and sadness injected into his voice.

Anakin had known his former master was good. He hadn't realized just _how_ good. Honest-looking smiles weren't supposed to be faked, but each one of Palpatine's looked genuine. Of course, it had been years – decades – since the Sidious he'd known had been required to act or put on a front of any kind, but still, this was another level altogether than he'd been expecting.

And he hated himself for that spark of respect he felt. This was Sidious! The Sith Lord who had brought the universe to its knees and destroyed so many lives! He shouldn't be feeling any respect for him at all!

He squeezed his stress ball harder.

"I... don't need your pity," he managed to get out, allowing the real resentment he felt at the expression to show through. Misdirection. Give him exactly what he expects. Qui-gon's words rang through his head and his determination hardened.

"Of course not," Palpatine said with a nod of his head. "My apologies."

Lies.

Palpatine wouldn't ever apologize and mean it.

"In any case, please, continue."

"I... was brought to the Jedi Temple."

"Yes, I remember. How old were you?"

"... Nine, My Lord."

The Chancellor waved his hand dismissively, eyes darting to Yoda for the barest moment – if Anakin had blinked, he would have missed it. "Please, just Chancellor will do."

"... Yes, Chancellor."

"You were nine? I was under the impression that that was too old to begin training to become a Jedi."

At that, Anakin looked over at Yoda. Palpatine, thankfully, followed his gaze and Anakin felt himself relax ever so slightly.

"Considering some changes, we are. Spoken about this before, the Council has. An opportunity we saw when presented Initiate Skywalker was."

"Ah, so you might be the first of many new Jedi your age," the Sith-in-disguise said with a thoughtful nod.

"If it goes well, sir," Anakin responded quietly.

"Oh, I'm sure it will. You seem like a bright young lad."

Anakin squeezed his ball again and forced a small smile onto his face. "Thank you, sir." He didn't squeak, but it was a near thing. This wasn't getting easier.

"Well, let me tell you what I expect of you, Initiate Skywalker. I will likely have several errands I need you to run when you're here, and honestly, that will be your main duty. My secretary, Mrs. Meddion*, may also have errands and the odd chore for you to do. I understand that you've been in the program for a while, so I'm sure that you'll find my office to be just like those you've served in before."

Another swallow. Anakin nodded but didn't trust himself to speak.

"Also," Palpatine went on, "I want you to know that if you have any questions about what's going on, I'd like you to ask me or Mrs. Meddion. If we can tell you, we'll gladly explain."

Anakin nodded again, knowing he had to say something and mentally forced his throat to relax. "Thank you, sir." Well, his response had been passable, at least.

He forced himself to smile again, just a soft, small one, before looking away as if he were embarrassed or overwhelmed, but getting over it.

That's what he would expect, right?

"Excellent. Now, I have some holopads for you to deliver, and then you can report to Mrs. Meddion for anything else. If you forget which place each holopad goes to, you can simply turn it on and it will tell you. This first holopad goes to the Chandrilla delegate. This next one..."

He continued on, and Anakin made sure to memorize each one. Sidious wouldn't expect any less, and despite himself, he couldn't bring himself to dare get something wrong. He wondered if that was his old habits talking or if it were his new fear... or both?

When he was finished, Anakin nodded, stood and bowed before taking the holopads and turning to the door without a word.

"I hope to see you before you leave today, Initiate Skywalker, and thank you for coming Master Yoda."

"Hmm. No trouble, it was. Good day, Chancellor."

Anakin walked steadily out the door and through the lobby, his mind already on the assignments he would have to get done as efficiently as possible. At least he wasn't told to track down a very elusive rebellion and eliminate it this time.

"Initiate Skywalker," a voice called out to him and he paused, noting that Yoda was shuffling along as calmly as ever.

Oh, right.

The door closed behind the old Jedi as he hobbled into the room, nodding politely to Mrs. Meddion before continuing to where Anakin was standing. "At least see me out, you can," the troll admonished.

Anakin took a deep breath and tried for a sheepish smile (although he was pretty sure it just came off as a grimace). "My apologies, Master." He held the door open for the smaller being before following him out and into the hall. Once he pressed the button to have the door close behind them, he almost collapsed, staggering to the side and leaning against the wall.

"Knew this was a bad idea, I did," Yoda said.

Anakin's hands were shaking and he had to sit down. There was a small corner nearby and he put his back into it before dropping to the ground and putting his hands over his head. He hated how weak he must seem, but couldn't bring himself to care enough to actually move or put on a face. He felt like each of his nerves had been rubbed raw, as if his whole body had been wrung out and then set out to dry in the sun on some planet with no actual atmosphere – exposed to the radiation rays and the elements of space.

And he hated it.

He didn't have _time_ for this! He had things he had to get done! He knew if he didn't that Palpatine wouldn't punish him now, but that didn't alleviate his fear or his natural instincts.

The noise of rustling fabric by his side had him glancing over at Master Yoda now sitting beside him. Anakin blinked.

"Well, you did," he finally said. "Nervous and wary and tense, you were, but no more than one would have expected. One such as he, even." Anakin read the subtext of the vague statement. _Even to a Force Sensitive._

"Then why do I feel as if I have just given everything away?" he muttered. He honestly felt like he'd completely and utterly failed. Then again, he usually felt that way after meeting with Palpatine.

Yoda sighed. "See now, do you, why too soon, this was?"

Anakin shut his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. "But it wouldn't have ever been better," he muttered. "I never would have been ready."

The old master didn't respond, but Anakin could feel his disapproval, even if he seemed to have conceded for now.

"Do you know the worst part?" he asked softly. "I still want to please him. I still want his praise and his approval. Even knowing..." he thought of where he was and realized there might be listening devices. It was just like Palpatine to bug the entire corridor outside his place. Had his paranoia reached those types of heights yet? "Even knowing what I do," he finally said, hoping that was vague enough.

"Not unexpected, that is."

"But it is unacceptable." He couldn't – shouldn't – think like that! He knew better! He _knew_ better!

Yoda sighed again. "Expect too much of yourself, you do."

Anakin couldn't really argue with that. That didn't stop the fact that they didn't really have much of another choice at the moment.

"I have to do this," he finally said. "Even if it destroys me... I have to." That, at least, hadn't changed.

"Hmm," the smaller being replied in a tone that said he didn't agree or disagree. Then, after a moment, he spoke again. "Tell him the truth, you should."

Anakin's head whipped over so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. He couldn't say anything, just staring in a sort of uncomprehending betrayal at the being beside him.

"That remind you of a former master, he does."

They both sat there as the younger boy blinked at the ancient creature next to him. That... that could work. He'll exploit the kriff out of it, but that was something Anakin could plan for, and it would explain his nervousness around the man.

"I... hate the idea of telling him anything remotely true."

Yoda frowned. "Then withdraw you from the program, I will. Too dangerous, this is."

Anakin sighed. "No, that would only make everything worse. I can tell him that. I will tell him. I promise. And I won't leave things out in the future just because they might be true. I'll... I'll think about what I say and consider... the larger picture before I speak." Even though he hated doing that. Even though he felt that that's what Vader would do and not Anakin. Even though he almost felt as if he were betraying any morals he had.

And Yoda could tell. He could still practically feel the small Master's reluctance, but he hid it behind a very convincing facade.

"Good. Now," Master Yoda used his gimmer stick to lever himself up, "have errands to run, you do. Have a temple to get back to, I do."

Anakin was tempted to ask him to stay... but he knew that would be too suspicious. So he nodded and rose to his own feet. He took a deep breath, released everything he could to the Force and felt it embrace him back. Warm and comforting, it bolstered him more than anything else could.

Even this close to a Sith Lord, the Force – the light – was still there. He glanced at the old Jedi Master beginning to shuffle out into the hallway and reminded himself that he would still have allies and could still call on the light for strength.

He also realized he'd gone face-to-face with Palpatine, had a discussion with him, even, and come out in the most positive position they could expect at this point. They had plans in place, they had contingencies to those plans, and he had the support he needed. He could do this.

For the first time, he actually began to believe that, even if it was only the barest sliver of that belief.

"Honest with me, you should be: Alright will you be?" Yoda asked, looking up at Anakin in concern.

Anakin took another breath and nodded. "Yeah, I will be."

"Hmm," Yoda responded, rubbing his chin a little with his clawed hand. Then he turned and began to shuffle away. "See me out, you can."

A real, if watery smile came to the boy's lips, just for an instant. "Yes, Master Yoda," he said as he caught up.

xXx

AN: I'd like to thank Khalthar and Carradee for their fabulous help in beta reading. Luv you guys! Also thank you to everyone who has read this and everyone who has commented!

Sorry this took so long. The next one shouldn't take nearly so long to get up.


	6. Chapter 6

Sheev Palpatine was a paranoid person. He had no problems admitting this as paranoid people tended to stay alive. So, the moment that another strong Sith had made themselves known, he'd rewritten almost all of his plans to include this new development. The following months had been both frustrating and anti-climactic at the same time, but as he'd been too busy focusing on the election and then planning for the future war and setting that up, along with looking for Vader and trying to obtain a new apprentice, well he hadn't had a lot of time to actually look into just _who_ Vader could be.

Once Dooku had finally come to his senses (well, somewhat, the man was proving to be rather resilient, even if he was mostly compliant) it had freed up enough time for Palpatine to begin looking through his Master's records and plans. It had taken him a while to track down some of this information, but he wasn't the greatest Sith Master in history for nothing.

In all honesty, he'd expected to find at least a mention of the other Sith, and with the time constraints, it had taken him _months_ to go through it all with a fine-toothed comb. He'd found a lot of interesting tid-bits that could definitely come in useful in the future, but – to his consternation – not a single hint of Darth Vader.

That worried him, and he'd been forced to consider the conclusion that Plageus didn't actually _know_ about this Vader. But it still didn't sit right with him.

After that, he'd come up with three working theories:

First, his master's success in crafting life from the Force yielded better results than expected. And it would have had to be one of the earlier experiments for Vader to fit the mental image he'd taken from the mind of the assassin who had encountered the Sith. Perhaps his master had actually _succeeded_ in influencing the Force to create a birth before he'd taken Palpatine on and their experiments together was him passing the technique on? Or him looking for an even stronger child? A Force Vergence could be taught and harnessed, and Plageus had said he needed Sidious to make one, but what if it had just been a cover up? Had Plageus already somehow made his masterpiece?

There were more than a few holes in that theory, but it wasn't inconceivable.

Second, the idea that Plageus – Mister Play-By-The-Book himself – had taken on another apprentice, whether that be the vergence he had created (?) or someone else, behind Sidious' back. Likely even before Sidious had come into the picture. That was... a disturbing idea. If that were the case, did the previous apprentice simply not meet standards and so Plageus found Palpatine? Or did that mean that Plageus had intended the first to be the true heir to the Sith and Sidious was the backup? Not that it mattered, Sidious had killed his master, and that made him the true Sith Lord, but what could have been left out of his training were that the case? What was he missing? That thought angered him greatly. He hated going up against someone who had a potential advantage like that.

The last theory, and the one he both liked the least but found the most plausible, was that Vader was somehow an awakened Sith from the past. Either a spirit who had taken a host, or a Sith that was thought to have been killed but who was merely put into a stasis of some kind, only to be recently awakened. It couldn't be a truly ancient Sith, if that were the case, as his tactics tended to fall more in line with Sidious' own, staying hidden and sending out subtle messages as warnings while setting things up in the background. A Sith from before Darth Bane would have likely been far easier to spot and track as they would have amassed a following before making any power play, and likely would not have outed themselves as Vader had. Other than Luke Lars (and the next time he appeared on the radar, Palpatine was going to confront him himself), Palpatine couldn't find a single person who followed this new Sith. Either the followers were that good at hiding – unlikely – or there weren't any. Yes, Vader's tactics seemed to be far more in line with Darth Bane's way of thinking than a truly ancient Sith, so there was that at least.

The biggest problem with each of his theories was that he just couldn't. Find. _Proof_. He could speculate all he wanted, but every one of the theories could be applied at this point and he couldn't, in good conscience, dismiss any one of them. Nor could he fine-tune without more information. There was _nothing_ in Plageus' materials to indicate another apprentice _or_ any successful vergence. Ultimately, that didn't mean a whole lot as Palpatine _knew_ he hadn't found everything his Master had left behind, but there should at least be _something_ indicating what was going on.

Which was why he was leaning towards that third option.

Ugh. Either way, as he had predicted, Vader had thrown his entire operation into question and he had to respond in kind. With as little information as he'd found and his Master's possible betrayal, he couldn't afford any more slips. No, what he needed was information and his own followers. He needed acolytes – well, more of them. More competent acolytes that he could pit against Vader. His current acolytes wouldn't do well as much more than guards for his person. They would put up a good show and little more. None of them were remotely apprentice material.

Hence why he was looking forward to meeting his Young Jedi Ambassador. And he would have three months to test where the younglings in the Temple were and just how far he could bend them at this point.

Almost as if his thoughts had summoned them, his secretary informed him that his new ambassador and Master Yoda were here.

Sitting in his office behind his personal desk, he couldn't help but stare at the holocom for a moment, a little taken back. Why would Master Yoda of all people accompany his new ambassador? Unless it was to show respect to the Chancellor. He just hadn't expected the Jedi to care that much at this point. Of course, he was a new Chancellor, and this was his first Jedi Ambassador.

Explainable, but still something he should explore.

A couple of rather long minutes later, Yoda finally shuffled through the door followed by a blank-faced boy with sandy colored hair. He looked awfully familiar... Oh, right. He'd been that boy who had accompanied Jinn and his apprentice on the older Jedi's last journey. He'd also been on Naboo during the 'Battle for Freedom' as the natives had taken to calling it (Palpatine wondered where his own intelligence came from if the general population of Naboo was really that idiotically idealistic). There hadn't been much news on him, though. He'd even spoken to Panaka, but didn't have the man firmly enough under his grasp to really get anything out of him yet. It wouldn't take too much more time, he was sure, but that was for the future, not now, and he still found it frustrating.

No, wait, there had been one rumor about the boy, that something horrible had happened to him while everyone had been trapped in the Throne Room, but no one seemed to know what that 'horrible' thing was. Palpatine guessed it was some kind of trauma at seeing the Sith Lord. And due to his Force-Sensitivity, he could have retained the memories when the Sith had wiped them from everyone else. After all, no one else had mentioned anything about another figure from that throne room, but the image he'd gotten from the assassin had simply matched what he'd sensed too well to be dismissed – and Palpatine didn't believe in coincidences.

Although that brought another thought to mind that he hadn't quite realized before: Just when had the Sith Lord arrived? Few others had spoken of what had happened in the Throne Room (hence why he'd had to torture it out of his assassin), but where had Vader been hiding? He couldn't figure everything out without more details. Hmm. Something to get out of Panaka later, once he finally won the man over completely.

"Chancellor," Master Yoda said with a nod of respect. "Good it is to meet you."

"And you as well, Master Yoda. I've heard so many things about you." He had to stand and bow for decorum. That didn't mean he had to like it. He hoarded the anger he drew from it though. Master Yoda shuffled forward. The boy didn't, standing in the doorway rigidly. Palpatine frowned.

"Initiate?" he asked. The boy blinked as if coming out of his thoughts (or a vision? But there hadn't been any indication with the Force? He'd have to think on that).

A couple of seconds later, the boy walked confidently forward, his steps long and firm as he strode in, made a sharp turn as if he'd been in the military, and then (much to Sidious' pleasure) he bowed. He never said a word, simply waiting to be acknowledged.

This was such un-Jedi-like behavior that Palpatine wasn't exactly sure what to do with this... yet. He'd figure it out soon enough.

"Well," Palpatine said as he turned his gaze to Yoda, who hobbled up beside the boy, "he certainly seems to know how to make one feel... respected."

"Hmm, breaking him of his old habits, we are," Master Yoda said nonchalantly. Huh. What kind of habits? The implications from this were so wide-spread, Palpatine almost didn't know where to start. Almost.

He plastered a kind smile on his face, making sure to include his eyes in the gesture. "You can be at ease, young man." He expected the boy to slump and relax. Instead, he simply nodded, stood straight and went into a military at-ease position. So it wasn't a fluke, he had some kind of military training. At his age? Something Palpatine approved of, but he was one of the few who did (not that he let anyone know that). Just where did this boy come from?

"I meant you can sit down," he clarified, gesturing to the disgustingly comfortable and lovely chair in the room. Those were going to change the moment he could justify it.

For a couple of seconds, the boy hesitated as if confused. He looked down at the chair, then back at Palpatine, then at Yoda... for permission? Palpatine would have to work on that. Then, as if he were some kind of mannequin, the boy stiffly lowered himself to the seat and sat on the very edge. Jumpy little thing, wasn't he?

Part of Palpatine was annoyed and disappointed because this child would likely not give him an accurate read on the rest of the younglings from the Temple simply due to the shorter amount of time he'd been there. Another part of Palpatine, though, couldn't help but be intrigued in the boy himself. That part of him itched to begin figuring this boy out. But the boy was so rigid and closed... so the Chancellor decided to throw the child a bone as his first 'attack'. "I suppose that meeting the Chancellor like this can be a little overwhelming," he commented, making sure to sound as kind and understanding as he could.

The boy didn't even look up and Palpatine couldn't get a read on him through the Force except for nervousness and worry. He couldn't really tell in regards to what though. Hmm...

Almost as if mirroring his thoughts (what a dreadful idea), the little troll spoke instead. "Mmm, indeed." The boy did look over at Yoda then, and as if taking a cue from the little Jedi, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and relaxed.

If they'd taught him this quickly to rely on their teachers and the Jedi Masters, just how ingrained would it be with the youngings who had been there longer? Sadly, it seemed like the Jedi hadn't gotten quite as lax as he would have liked to think. Good to know. He made a mental note to get started on undermining the Order with the public asap because that looked like it would be his best option at the moment.

Not that he couldn't work with this either. He was Darth Sidious. There wasn't a wall he couldn't tear down, physical, mental or political.

He continued his inner critique of the Jedi Order as he encouraged the boy to introduce himself.

"What is your name, my boy?" He made sure to visibly set aside anything in front of him so as to fully pay attention to the child.

Nervously, the boy's eyes flicked over to Yoda again. Really, Palpatine would have to do something about that reliance quickly. Maybe try to build on the boy's confidence while pointing out (subtly of course) the flaws in the Jedi? Valid but simple. He'd have to think on it some more.

The boy seemed to gain a bit of confidence as he said, "Anakin Skywalker, sir."

Palpatine smiled warmly. "Excellent. I'm pleased to have both you and Master Yoda here today." He made sure to address the boy over the Jedi Council member sitting in the room. Let the boy think that he valued his opinion first. That would definitely be something he could build on. "Although," he added on, glancing over at Yoda for a moment before turning his eyes back to Anakin, "I will admit, I didn't expect the Grandmaster to come himself."

And the confidence left the boy as he looked down again. Palpatine almost let his eyes narrow in thought. Almost. There was a story there, one that hinted at a darker past. He'd have to ferret that out of them. The sooner the better.

Before he could prod the boy into speaking, Master Yoda spoke again, cutting in smoothly. Maybe that was why the boy trusted him? Because the Grandmaster protected him? Plausible but he'd have to get more evidence to support the idea.

"Nervous to meet the Chancellor, Initiate Skywalker was. Some time, I could make."

Palpatine turned his focus back on the boy sitting in front of him. "Ah, yes. Well, now that you're here, I'm not so bad, am I?"

Unfortunately, the boy didn't respond to his smile, simply looking down again. Hmm, so he didn't trust easily. Palpatine could appreciate that, but he figured the attribute came from the boy's past outside the temple. Which he was getting rather curious about.

"I... suppose not, sir," Anakin said quietly, looking back up at Palpatine with a neutral expression that would be more at home on a man three times his age. So a hard history then?

He made sure his smile widened and he sat back to give an air of relaxation. The boy looked away again. A very hard history. Now the question was, did he not trust people in power (he doubted it with how he seemed to cling to Yoda)? Older males in general? Older humans in general? Or some combination thereof?

Thinking carefully, he realized that he could ask without seeming too intrusive.

"Well, why don't you tell me more about yourself. I know I've met you before. You were at Naboo, right?"

Stiffly, the boy moved his hand and put it into the pocket of his robe where he grasped something. Palpatine wondered what but decided not to press right now. Then he gave a smile that, while it wasn't bad, was obviously forced.

"I was," he confirmed. Hmm, mature despite his obviously distrustful nature. This was starting to paint a very useful picture. "I come from an outer rim planet fairly near there," the boy continued. Funny he didn't mention the specific planet. Was that deliberate? He could chalk it up to maturity or trauma, or the boy could be hiding something. Didn't kids love to brag about where they came from? "Master Qui-gon Jinn and his Padawan, Obi-wan Kenobi, landed there with the Queen and her entourage after escaping the blockade."

The desert planet. Tatooine, if he recalled correctly. At least, that's where Maul's tracker had led him. "Ah, yes, I remember that. Please continue."

The boy nodded firmly once. "Master Qui-gon secured my help in obtaining the parts he needed and in turn he freed me—"

And there it was. "Freed?"

The boy paled and his fear shot up before he managed to get ahold of his emotions. It was frustrating how far he'd come in only two years if he could control his emotions even that well. Palpatine also noted that the boy did not glance at the Jedi Master in this case, simply staring down at Palpatine's desk. Hmm, maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as he initially thought if he decided to choose this particular youngling to pursue.

"Yes, sir," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I was a slave."

Well, that certainly fit the picture Palpatine had been getting. Sometimes confident because he was learning to leave his slave past behind him, but still unable to really shake off the ingrained habits. Yes, Palpatine could work with this.

He made sure to put on a suitably horrified face and sent out a pulse of revulsion through the Force, one that would be expected from a civilian non-sensitive.

He had to admit, he was proud of his control. Most Sith didn't care about control, but it was what would finally bring the Jedi down.

"That's... terrible! I... didn't know things like that still happened in the universe. The Republic's laws should counter all of that!" Ha! What could a broken republic even hope to do?

"It was hutt territory," the blond boy muttered. Inwardly, Sidious frowned. There would be no 'hutt' space when he was done with his plans... at least, not like it was today. Outwardly he kept his sympathetic face on.

"Your..." he paused as if looking for the right word, "master must have run you ragged." With how the boy reacted, he had no doubt. Although there was one thing that didn't quite fit the 'hutt-space slave'. "You speak very well for a child your age, let alone a slave. That's quite the accomplishment."

An expression he couldn't read crossed the boy's face. "He... was very strict," Anakin said, then looked away again.

"You poor child," Palpatine said, sympathetic without sounding too pitying.

Again, the boy didn't respond. The boy had been opening and closing his hand around something in his pocket, and now he'd seemed to stop on 'closed'. Some sort of comfort item, perhaps?

"I.. don't need your pity," the boy said in a harsh voice that was music to Sidious' ears. He could hear and feel the resentment, and the boy had quite the well of such a negative feeling... how delightful. Now if only it could be turned correctly...

Palpatine glanced at Yoda before turning back to Anakin apologetically. "Of course not," he said with a nod of his head. "My apologies."

The child searched his face for a couple of seconds before looking away again. Hmm. Yes, this would take a bit of work. But it would be so amusing. Something about this boy...

"In any case, please, continue," he said after a couple of moments that the boy should feel awkward or resentful in. From what Palpatine could sense, it was working.

The boy's eyes met his again. "I... was brought back to the Jedi Temple," he said simply.

Hmm, uncomfortable. Well, Palpatine wouldn't pry... for now. "Yes, I remember. How old were you?"

The boy glanced at Yoda again. "... Nine, My Lord."

Oh, Sidious _liked_ the sound of that... but he couldn't allow it. He couldn't raise suspicions. His own gaze darted over to the green Jedi who seemed to have fallen asleep. The old troll. Still, better to be safe than sorry.

"Please, just Chancellor will do."

The boy paused for a couple of seconds before nodding slowly. "Yes, Chancellor."

"You were nine? I was under the impression that that was too old to begin training to become a Jedi." May as well get some more questions answered.

This time, the boy turned deliberately to Yoda. Palpatine decided to follow his lead in this case and did the same. Yoda, whose eyes had been closed not moments before, was not watching Palpatine. Once the two Jedis' gazes met, the old troll shrugged nonchalantly.

"Considering some changes, we are. Spoken about this before, the Council has. An opportunity we saw when presented Initiate Skywalker was." Oh, that was _not_ good... no, he needed to stop or undermine any reform the Jedi were going through. He mentally cursed at not having a spy (unwitting or not) on the Council anymore... he'd have to change that. He hadn't heard anything about this before.

As of this point in the conversation, the best way to play this would be thoughtful. He could brainstorm on ways to stop anything from happening later. But better to play to placation for the moment. It would be detrimental to burn bridges right now. "Ah, so you might be the first of many new Jedi your age."

"If it goes well, sir," Anakin responded quietly.

Another grandfatherly smile. "Oh, I'm sure it will. You seem like a bright young lad."

A small smile appeared on the boy's face. So he did respond well to praise and other such stimulation if enough was heaped on. Good to know.

"Thank you, sir," he said softly.

Well, that could be the end of that particular conversation, and Palpatine had gotten plenty out of it, so he decided to move on.

"Well," he leaned forward on his desk towards Anakin again, folding his hands in front of him, "let me tell you what I expect of you, Initiate Skywalker." He went on with a short summary about running errands and emphasized how Anakin could come to him or his secretary (whom he hadn't gotten a chance to replace yet, but he wanted to find just the right person before he did) if he had any problems or questions. He didn't expect the boy to take him up on his offer initially, but Sidious could be very patient.

When he finished, the boy nodded and bowed a little. "Thank you, sir." The boy looked a little embarrassed. Perhaps he was getting over how worried he'd been? Either that, or the boy was a decent actor. He'd try and figure out which it was later.

"Excellent. Now, I have some holopads for you to deliver..." he said as he took out a stack of data pads and explained where each one went. Anakin had a look of extreme concentration on his face, as if he knew he'd be punished if he failed. A slave background, huh? He'd definitely have to look into that.

When he was finished, the boy nodded, stood and bowed before taking the holopads and turning to the door without a word. Funny, he didn't wait for Master Yoda, who had already gotten down from his chair and bowed at the Chancellor.

"I hope to see you before you leave today, Initiate Skywalker," he called out after the child's retreating back. The boy froze for a couple of seconds. "And thank you for coming Master Yoda," he said to the shuffling master.

"Hmm. No trouble, it was," Yoda said pleasantly. "Good day, Chancellor."

Palpatine watched the two of them leave, with Master Yoda calling out after the boy, who finally seemed to realize whom he'd left behind. The door shut behind Master Yoda and Palpatine sat back, contemplating.

How fortunate that he got the slave boy as his first ambassador. Which brought up the question, why would the Jedi choose him of all children? Were they trying to make something up to the child somehow? That didn't seem like the Jedi he'd known of. Even now Dooku could go on an hour-long rant about the Jedi Order and how inattentive (and stagnant) it was. He would have to ask exactly why Anakin was chosen. He doubted the boy had asked for this, unless he was some sort of masochist. He obviously didn't like being here – did he like being in the program at all? Hmm, there were quite a few ways to approach this...

He wondered if he could break the boy in only three months... or if it would take even that long.

xXx

Not an hour later, Initiate Skywalker came back. Sidious could sense him, but he didn't enter the office. A couple of minutes after that, the boy left, apparently having gotten something from Mrs. Meddion. It went on like that for the next couple of hours, making it rather obvious that the boy was nervous about coming in to talk to the Chancellor.

That was acceptable for now, but something Palpatine wanted to fix.

Finally, it was time for young Skywalker to leave. He felt the boy approach the door and made sure to keep doing his own work until his secretary called in. "Chancellor, Initiate Skywalker is ready to leave. Would you still like to see him before he goes?"

"Oh, yes," he replied, "of course. Please, send him in."

It took the child a little longer to come in than it really should have, but Palpatine pretended not to notice.

"Ah, there you are, my boy. Why don't you come in and talk with me for a minute before you leave."

The boy's face remained blank as he bowed and shook his head. "Please forgive me, Chancellor, but if I stay any later, I will miss an appointment myself. I... just wanted to thank you for this opportunity."

"You are more than welcome," Palpatine said warmly. "Can you at least tell me if you enjoyed your day, or learned something?"

"I did enjoy today," the boy said, although he didn't look it. "It kept me busy."

"You like to be busy then."

A slight pause. "Yes, sir."

"I will keep that in mind, but I want you to know that you are not here to be worked to the bone. You are more than welcome to take your time. I would like to get to know you as well, so don't be a stranger when you're here."

"I will... keep that in mind, sir. May I have your leave?"

Palpatine cocked his head to one side. He would _not_ let this boy go without getting some answers. "Were you some kind of host before you came to the Jedi? I'm just curious as to how you speak so well."

He saw the boy stiffen ever so slightly. "I... often ran a shop for my master. I dealt with customers on a regular basis."

"Is that when you learned to speak basic?"

"Yes, sir. I have had to know both basic and Huttese for as long as I can remember, although Huttese is my native language."

"I can't believe you were worked so hard, especially at your age," he tutted quietly. "Utterly criminal. I'm terribly glad you were chosen to come here."

"As am I, sir," the boy responded mechanically. "Thank you. May I go?"

Well, if he was that dead-set on leaving, Palpatine figured pushing him was probably not his best option right now.

"Of course, of course. Thank you again for your hard work, Anakin. I will see you again next week, yes?"

"Yes, of course, Chancellor," the boy said with a picture-perfect bow before turning and leaving. Palpatine watched the door after he left for several seconds, unable to keep a grin off of his face. This was going to be amusing.

xXx

Anakin fled from the Senate building. Well, he didn't run out. He made sure to walk calmly down to catch an air-taxi that would take him and a couple of his fellow initiates back to the Temple. He did, however, take the most direct route and did not stop for anyone, putting the hood of his robe up and over his head before walking firmly out. If anyone noticed him or called his way, he didn't acknowledge them, despite being hyper aware of those around him.

He barely acknowledged the other initiates (thankfully Hik'te wasn't among them, apparently he had a different ambassador schedule than Anakin) and sat quietly in the back with his arms folded into his robes.

Walking calmly off of the taxi, he paused for a moment and allowed himself to _think_ for the first time since he'd left the Chancellor's office and just allow himself to revel in the fact that the presence of the man who had oppressed him for years was no longer in the immediate vicinity. He didn't feel safe at the Jedi Temple, per se, but it was better. Right now he had to cling to 'better' because otherwise he would shatter... and he couldn't afford to do that.

"Anakin?"

The former Sith blinked and glanced up to see Siri Tachi standing there worriedly. He glanced around, and yes, he hadn't moved from the stairs of the Jedi Temple.

"What... are you doing out here?" he asked.

Her gaze flattened ever so slightly as if to wonder why he'd asked that. "We know that picking you up at the Senate Building would have been suspicious. That doesn't mean someone couldn't be here to meet you and make sure you're alright."

Oh. Well, he supposed that made sense.

So he bowed. "I am fine, Knight Tachi. Your concern is... appreciated."

With that, he strode past her and into the temple.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she fell into step beside him.

"I require sustenance. I wished to obtain what I could before going to speak with Master Xio."

"Anakin, wait." An arm on his shoulder stopped him. His first thought was that _no one_ should touch him and it took a great deal of effort to not simply turn around and...

He blinked and realized where his mind had just gone. He shied away from the uncomfortable thought. Had he really just had the idea to try and hurt – maybe even kill Siri?

"What is it?" he asked, his voice as emotionless as he could get it.

Siri's eyebrow furrowed worriedly. "Anakin, what did he do to you?"

Anakin frowned ever so slightly. "Nothing."

She looked highly skeptical. "Then why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like..." she paused and glanced around, making sure they were alone. She had to wait a few moments and that alone raised Anakin's hackles. "Like Vader."

His eyes widened and he took a step back from her as if she'd slapped him, despite the fact that she'd delivered the words in a soft, concerned tone. "What?" he practically hissed, hoping that his face hadn't gone too pale.

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I realize that you're not going around killing people, and I doubt you're about to—" he carefully avoided thinking about the thought he'd just had as she continued, "–but do you really think that's all there was to Vader? In the last couple of years, you've learned to relax and be ready, more focused on growing than putting on a mask. You've been far more open and honest with both yourself and everyone around you and you... you seemed happier. Now, it's like all of that is gone. Your stance is stiff and formal, like you're about to present something or be presented – like you're being scrutinized. Have you noticed how you lock your arms behind you back or put them on your hips when you're upset? Well, I have."

Anakin looked down and indeed found that she was correct. Part of him wanted to move out of the stance immediately, distancing himself from that time in his life, while another part wanted to pretend that this was normal, just to try and maintain some of his dignity.

Before he could really do anything else, though, Siri went on.

"You haven't called me 'Knight Tachi' in over a year and you're speaking far more formally than you have since you came to the Temple initially. So don't tell me he didn't do anything." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him, a mixture of anger, disappointment and worry causing him to want to shuffle in place.

Slowly, he moved his arms down to hang by his side and relaxed his body as best he could, looking away from her.

"It's true."

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes as if praying for patience. "What is?"

His hands clenched into fists. "That he didn't do anything. He greeted me, with Master Yoda there, he gave me some instructions and then he let me go."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her anger melt to puzzlement. "Really? He didn't get you to give away any information at all? Didn't make you question yourself or anyone around you?"

Well, now that she mentioned it... "I... suppose he did get some information I would have preferred he... didn't." Then he snorted softly. "And it is impossible to come out of a discussion with him without him having tried to plant some sort of suggestion."

"So he didn't do 'nothing' to you. He was his usual nasty self, just hidden behind that warm, welcoming mask."

Anakin felt himself relaxing a little more as she spoke. "Yes... I suppose so. Not that we expected differently... but..."

"It's the experience again," she finished softly. Then she sighed and bent down to put a hand on his shoulder. "Anakin, I know that..." again she paused and glanced around. The hall was large enough, though, that he doubted any Jedi not purposefully trying to overhear them would even notice their discussion. She still dropped her voice down to a lower decibel as she spoke, which he appreciated. "I know that 'Vader' – the mask you put on when you were him – kept you safe from him. Well, the safest you could be. But it isn't keeping you safe now. It's just going to hurt you – and us – if you continue to act like who you used to be when _that man_ isn't around."

Visibly, her words didn't seem to have as much of an impact as before, but the reality couldn't be further from the truth. He sat there for several seconds wondering on what she'd said and why her words seemed to put everything into a perspective he'd only vaguely even been aware of before. Had he really acted as he did when he'd been Vader as a way to keep himself safe? Eventually he came to the conclusion that yes, that was part of it. Towards the end, a large part of it. He had to act the way Sidious had expected so as to not draw too much negative (painful and restricting) attention. And acting in similar ways now was his mind's twisted way of protecting him.

Hadn't Girth and Master Xio both stated that he would be tempted to fall back into old habits? Was this why? Although that particular connection sounded like one of his therapists in particular.

"You've been talking about this to Healer Girth, haven't you."

She scratched at her cheek as her face colored ever so slightly, giving away the answer almost immediately. "Yes." She seemed to realize something and hurried to amend, "But we're not talking about you behind your back."

He shook his head and managed a small smile. It was leaps and bounds of improvement over how he'd just acted and how he'd acted when he'd first come to the Temple. The fact that he could realize and recognize that was probably a big step too and he was finally able to let go of his tension altogether. He knew it wouldn't last, but he could take advantage of it now.

"I know," he assured Siri. "I'm not exactly a subject you can avoid in your sessions."

She returned the smile through her relief at his assurance. "You're really not. Although you're not quite as prominent as some might think."

"Oh? And who else plays parts in these sessions, if I may ask?" He was surprised that he could sound a little teasing right now. It was like night and day to even five minutes before. Siri really was good for him, he suddenly realized.

She rolled her eyes. "Chosen one or not, the universe doesn't revolve around you."

"I'm guessing Obi-wan plays his part then."

Was it just him, or had her blush returned? "And Ferrus, all of my fellow Jedi – we've had some _very_ interesting discussions involving Quinlain Vos."

Anakin snorted.

"And the war, and the clones and... Macro."

Something about how her tone dropped sadly clued him in.

"Was he your clone commander?"

She nodded grimly and turned to walk further into the Temple. Anakin fell into step beside her. "Yes. I know I... died rather early on in the war, but I still had a Clone commander at my side for a couple of battles. He... saved my sorry butt a couple of times."

He noted her pathetic attempt to raise the mood again, but didn't feel like trying to contribute to it as something had occurred to him.

"I... haven't even started to talk about my... death." Of course, a lot of that would probably come after they'd really started to tackle specifics of his life as Vader... which they hadn't yet. Both Girth and Xio insisted that he had to be in a fairly stable, supported and safe place before he could attack that particular monster and that he should do so when he's ready.

He still wasn't sure if he ever really would be.

"Did you see it?" he heard himself asking, suddenly curious. "My death?"

She glanced over at him before looking back ahead of them. "I remember it, yes. Relatively more peaceful than mine."

He blinked in surprise. "A cyborg electrocuted by his dark master?"

She didn't flinch, but he could tell it was a near thing through their Force bond. "Well, you died in your son's arms."

"You... died in Obi-wan's."

"It was still rather hectic."

"And my son dragging me away from a planet-sized space station about to implode wasn't?"

He could feel her rolling her eyes. "Fine. Neither of them were that... pleasant."

They walked for a couple of minutes in silence as both mulled on that.

Finally, Anakin found himself speaking, if softly. "I'm... glad Luke was there. I don't really remember much after that except it being peaceful... and wondering how I'd finally found peace when I didn't deserve it."

Wisely, Siri didn't comment on that, instead nodding with a far-away look in her eyes. "I remember that peace. It... was a bit different for me, though, I think. Everything changed after I died. My perspective, the way I processed information, it's a blur to me now... but I remember just wanting to meet the people I cared for in life. I wonder if how we go has something to do with our state of being after we die." She snorted softly. "I'm glad Obi-wan was there for me."

Another few seconds of quiet before they entered the hallway that would lead them to the cafeteria. Then he felt a wave of amusement and a much louder snort from his companion. He was a little concerned that he hadn't been able to sense her so well before... what did that say about his state of being just now?

Shaking that thought away, Anakin looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. "What, may I ask, do you find so amusing?"

She bit her lips as if holding back laughter for a moment before placing a neutral expression on her face.

"I was just wondering how confused someone would be if they did happen to overhear any part of our conversation."

Anakin blinked at her for several seconds, thinking back on everything they'd discussed before he too found himself chuckling.

"That would be... highly amusing to see," he conceded and then continued to chuckle as Siri broke into a full-on laugh. It didn't last long, but it felt very good.

"Oh," Siri said suddenly, "I just remembered. Apparently Obi-wan is taking Ferus out on a survival training mission."

Anakin felt his smile fade, although he tried to be happy for his old master. He really did. He couldn't help but compare though. "He didn't take me on one of those until I was fourteen."

"Well, to be fair, Ferus has lived in the temple for thirteen years."

He wanted to argue against that, and really, he could. Anakin had been caught up with the temple curriculum two years into his stay the first time, with the exception of a couple of his classes. Even his lightsaber had been at least up to par. He'd really been on his way to excelling by that point.

Still, he had to remember that this Obi-wan had had time to learn and grieve and be on his own before he took a padawan. He had to remember that this Obi-wan wasn't _his_ Obi-wan and the fact that he _could_ have been was irrelevant. It didn't stop him from being a little jealous though.

"Well," he said, trying to keep his tone light, "at least they won't have to worry about what happened when he took me."

She cocked her head, remembering. "That was the first time Granta Omega showed up, wasn't it?"

Anakin nodded.

"How did you get caught up in my slave-trade mission then?" Siri asked.

"That was one of our first missions. A simple escort mission, actually."

"Ah. I guess I just would have expected Obi-wan to do a survival training sooner."

"Well," Anakin returned, "as you said before, I wasn't exactly conventional."

"Point."

"Speaking of, have you heard anything about who took that mission instead of you?" the former Sith asked, mainly out of curiosity.

Siri slowed her gait and looked around. More Jedi were near now that they were so close to the cafeteria, and most of them were children seeing as it was the creche's cafeteria. She jerked her head to one side, motioning for him to follow her towards an alcove where they'd be able to see if anyone approached them.

"Well, no. I haven't really heard of anything, having gone through the knighting trials more traditionally this time." Actually, they were lucky that the Council had allowed her to be knighted with the occasional relapses she still had, but Adi-Gallia, a couple of her contemporaries on the Council and Master Xio had all argued for it. Siri was on probation, for the most part, but she was considered a full-fledged knight.

"I'm hearing a 'but' in there."

"Well, Master Billaba disappeared around the right time."

Anakin frowned. He hadn't had a whole lot of interaction with Depa Billaba in his previous life. He remembered a scandal surrounding her, though. Something about falling and a memory wipe? He couldn't really remember as it hadn't been extremely important to him at the time. He'd been so self involved... ugh.

"But she's on the Council. Wouldn't that defeat the whole idea of sending a padawan or knight in to begin with? For the unknown factor?"

Siri shrugged. "The Galaxy's a big place and she's _very_ good at blending in when she wants to. I suspect that she didn't take the mission initially because the temple was beginning to try out more non-traditional ways of promoting padawans to knights. I volunteered to be a test subject and that was the closest mission they had of sufficient strength to the requirements I had yet to fulfill."

Anakin felt his eyebrows twitch upwards. "Trial by fire, so to speak."

The older blond nodded. "As you can guess, it didn't really catch on until the war broke out."

"Unsurprising," Anakin replied, tone a touch dry. Then he cocked his head. "So you think that Master Billaba is now undercover."

Siri shrugged. "Who's to say? But it does fit her M.O."

"Oh?" the former Sith asked, surprised. "I didn't know her well. Was she a..." he lowered his voice even further, "shadow?"

At that, Siri's expression fell sadly again. "She could have been if... well, her real status ended up being

something a bit more nebulous than that."

"And I suppose that's all you're willing to say."

"My, you're perceptive for a former Sith."

His face fell into a deadpan. "And you're awfully annoying for a former ghost."

She smirked at him. "Not your best comeback, kid."

He rolled his eyes and turned to walk to the cafeteria. "Your immaturity astounds me sometimes. Which one of us is older again?"

"Better," she said after him, and he could hear the smile she still held. "Although the point could be argued. I mean, between the two of us I only have about 45 years... you have what, 47? 48?"

"I'll remember that the next time you try to pull seniority on me."

"Oh, go get your food, old man! And remember, right now, I outrank you."

Anakin snorted and brushed her comment off, but he could still feel her amusement through the bond. Why was it that every time he talked to her she insisted on taking him for an emotional speeder ride. He didn't mind though. As long as he felt those emotions, he felt human still. Not like a ghost or a Sith or a relic of a world that would hopefully never be, and surprisingly, not even a Jedi, but _human_.

He slowed and turned to see her heading off down the hall and recalled his previous thought about how she was good for him. He didn't think he was good for anybody at this point, but if he was remotely close to being good for anyone, it was most likely her.

For several seconds he watched her as she disappeared around the corner of the hall. For the first time, he seriously considered asking her to take him as a 'padawan'. It would solve and even head off a lot of problems. Then he shook his head, because like most changes, it would create as many problems as it solved. That and it didn't really feel... right. Although he wasn't sure if it just wasn't right _yet_ or if it would never be.

xXx

Extra long chapter to make up for the time it took to get it out.

Not gonna lie, I've had this chapter more or less done for a while, but I am of the opinion that if I cannot handle trolls/harsh criticism, I shouldn't post something. Due to some pretty nasty depression, I haven't been able to handle it recently, emotionally and mentally. It has to do with some personal changes, people who have left my life either by choice or by death (Love you and miss you, Grandma) and getting ready to move on top of my husband wanting to go and see his family, you know, states away... 14 hour drive there, another 14 back... yeah. It's been a busy, roller-coaster of a summer and now I'm FINALLY at a point where I feel I can post this and take whatever comes, for good or bad. Since I prefer harsher criticisms, that really should say a lot about how things have improved.

On a side note, one other thing that has taken time out of my life is me writing a screenplay for a pilot to a series. I'm entering it into a contest, so wish me luck! I'm also working on an original epic fantasy book series and I still have my webcomic going (it's on pause for now, but will be back next month). So, my fan-fic writing might not be quite the top of my list, but I promise that I will NOT abandon this fic! I will end it! It will happen! Although I might just summarize the fourth book, I will most definitely finish this one.

In any case, you have my apologies for being so late. I give permission to tear into it!

Thanks to Khalthar and Carradee for being my beta readers! You guys seriously rock!


	7. Chapter 7

Anakin went to see Master Xio right after he got something to eat in the creche's cafeteria. She went through the basics, asking him to replay the conversations he had with Palpatine line by line, what happened with him and Siri (which she highly approved of), and then over how well their plans for his reactions to stress had gone over. He told her the honest truth, that the stress ball had helped some, but not a whole lot. He'd completely forgotten about the mints. She told him that neither she nor Girth had expected much different and asked if he wanted to try other ways to cope. He thought about it, but eventually said he wanted to stick with what they'd already come up with, because while the stress ball may not have helped a lot, it had still helped, and he'd take some over none any day. He'd also try to remember the mints and see if that helped as well. He suspected they would.

Anakin had left her office feeling far more centered than he had when he'd come back to the temple earlier that day. Between his mind-healing session and Siri, he couldn't help but feel that everything had been a huge success.

He still wasn't looking forward to going back next week.

That night, he went racing for the first time since he'd returned from the gathering, happily taking his new lightsaber with him, albeit incognito. What Bleersh didn't know couldn't hurt him, right?

The evening went by without incident (if he didn't count nearly crashing a number of times, but that was fairly normal for this particular racing circuit – he blatantly ignored Master Xio's voice in the back of his head telling him he was falling back on not-so-healthy coping techniques because he didn't have much to actually cope with) and he returned to the temple to sleep the rest of the night off feeling tired, but accomplished.

If only his dreams had gotten the memo that he'd addressed everything he needed to. Despite feeling good about the day, apparently something of his visit to Palpatine had sneaked into his psyche as he found himself walking the halls of the Death Star behind Grand Moff Tarkin. Except he wasn't towering over the man, but looking up at him, as if he were still an initiate. Confused, he looked down but found his hands covered in the black armor, despite his size.

Worried now, he looked around. The sight behind him made him freeze in his tracks. There lay a veritable hoard of bodies, some decapitated, other missing limbs and arms, some just run through, all of them very dead. Despite being no longer among the living, they all still moved, crawling and stumbling forward. Mutilated children lead the mob, reaching towards him and crying out for his blood, their eyes accusing and hurt and so, so sad...

A buzzing, crackling sound in front of him caused him to whip around just in time to see Sidious (not Tarkin? Where did Tarkin go?) electrocuting one Princess Leia Organa. She screamed in pain and then collapsed.

"NO!" Anakin yelled, his voice mechanical as he stretched out toward the fallen body while Sidious cackled. He reached her and fell to his knees, turning her over only to find that instead of Leia, it was Padmé lying there. She wasn't breathing.

Horrified, he scrambled away as if his life depended on it, eyes fixated on the body lying on the floor of the platform of Mustafar. Somehow the Death Star had changed into this hated memory and he _just wanted to get away_. He backed right up into the clutching, grasping hands of the bodies of those he'd killed. They dragged him backwards, pinning him to the ground and looking on with their blank, dead eyes.

"No," he shouted again, shaking his head. "No! They forgave me! They came to help me on Ilum! This is wrong!"

"How could they forgive you?" A voice that sounded awfully like Sidious whispered to him. "They're not even born yet."

Anakin felt his mouth go dry and squirmed to get away. The voice, mercilessly, went on. "And even if they did forgive you, that doesn't mean you _deserved_ it. After all, you were the one who killed them – those souls who were pure enough to forgive even a monster like _you_."

"NO!" Anakin yelled and sat up in his bed, drenched in sweat. His arms shot up to push the grasping hands of the dead away, but he felt nothing and, now that he looked around, saw nothing. After several seconds of frantically searching his initiate's room, he finally realized that it had all been a nightmare.

Forcing himself to take several deep breaths, he lowered his head into his hands. He hadn't had a nightmare that badly in over a year. He hadn't realized that actually speaking with Sidious would affect him this badly. Besides, he'd worked through it, hadn't he? With both Siri and Xio.

Well, everything _today_... but his mind kept whispering to him that he had avoided really going into any serious detail regarding what he'd done as a Sith. The people he'd tortured. The civilizations he'd slaughtered. The planets he'd enslaved. The hope he'd very nearly squelched. The lives he'd ruined...

The voice in his dream had been right. He _didn't_ deserve any forgiveness, and he'd known that. He'd known that for a long time now.

He didn't know how long he sat there in the dark feeling more and more depressed, but he knew he wasn't getting back to sleep again that night.

Eventually, a light tapping on his door brought him out of his trance.

"Who's there?" he croaked, wincing at how broken his voice sounded; like glass shattering.

He didn't get an answer except for another knock. Frowning, he got up and practically stumbled over to the door, palming it open once he'd reached it. To his great surprise, on the other side of it stood a little Togruta who looked like she'd been crying. He blinked at the almost five-year-old and then glanced down the hallways. He saw no one.

"Ahsoka?" he asked, shoving aside his own dilemma for the moment and squatting down in front of her. She was a little taller than him when he did that now. Did children always grow up this quickly?

"S-sky-guy," she said hesitantly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. His clan was at least two hallways up from the Clawmouse clan, and she wasn't supposed to be able to leave her wing without permission. Then again, Anakin knew how easy it was to pick a lock if one really wanted to. And hadn't he taught her class some of the basics a month or two ago?

Oops.

In his defense, he hadn't thought they'd actually, you know, _catch on_. They were _five_ for the Force's sake!

"I... It was cold again. Y-you said if it g-got cold to come and b-beat you up and tell you to st-stop it."

Anakin blinked at the little girl for several seconds before his shoulders slumped and his head dropped. He reached a hand up to rub at his face as he berated himself. How could he keep forgetting that he couldn't let himself fall into traps like that because it dragged others down with him. He was actually kind of surprised Siri wasn't right there with Ahsoka, lightsaber in hand.

"I did say that, didn't I," he said, looking back up at her and then opening his arms. "I'm sorry, Snips."

"Y-you better be!" she said as she ran forward and threw her arms around his neck.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It was so cold and you were so sad and... and... don't do it again! Understand?!"

He couldn't help but snort. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'll do my best, alright?"

He felt her nod.

After a few seconds like that, he stood up, picking her up with him. "How about we get you back to your clan, huh? And maybe we won't let them know that I taught you to pick the lock."

She giggled into his shoulder. It was strange, but every moment having her there seemed to drive the doubt and depression further and further away. It wasn't gone, and he could practically feel it at the edge of his psyche, ready to pounce the moment he let his guard down, but he refused to focus on that. Instead he chose to focus on the warm body in his arms as he hacked his own way out of his hallway (seriously, why could padawans and knights enter and exit at will without setting off any alarms, but not the initiates?) and carried the younger initiate to the nearest lift and down to her own hallway.

As he started down towards her room, he felt her arms tighten around his neck and stopped.

"Snips?" he asked quietly.

"Can... you stay with me? For a little while?"

He blinked into the dim light of the hall for a few seconds before a small smile made its way onto his face.

"Sure," he said. "But let's stay out in the common area." He'd rather not be caught in her room. Taking her in to tuck her in was one thing, but actually staying there, well staying in the room of a member of the opposite gender, no matter how young, was strictly forbidden. The initiates learned this at a very young age and realized there were dire consequences for disobeying. Anakin agreed with those consequences too. Besides, he really didn't want to give the wrong idea here. But just sitting with her until she calmed down enough to go to bed was something he could do in one of the softer cushions in the common area.

He didn't expect to find two other children Ahsoka's age sitting on one of the couches, slumped in sleep and illuminated only by the window looking over Coruscant.

"Did they follow you?" Anakin asked Ahsoka, who turned around and blinked.

"I don't know..." she said slowly.

"I'm going to set you down now, okay," he said to her. She nodded and he set her on the other end of the couch. Then he walked over and gently shook the two initiates awake. He'd gotten to know the other members of her clan fairly well when he'd volunteered to teach them as Yoda had suggested he do. The girl was a zultran named Hala. She had dark pink skin and hair just a couple of shades darker and had become rather good friends with Ahsoka. The other was a Mon Calamari boy named Raekar who had been far shier than both of the other girls on their worst days, combined.

"Hey," Anakin said softly as he gently shook them awake. "What are you two doing out here."

"'Soka?" Hala asked wearily, rubbing at her eyes.

"Sky Guy!" Raekar said, although Anakin couldn't tell if it was out of relief or fear.

"Sky Guy!" Hala repeated, even more excitedly, "you gotta help us! 'Soka's gone and we're not good enough with the doors to follow! She was so sad and—"

Anakin held up a hand, cutting the girl off with a small smirk. "You mean her?" he asked, pointing to the end of the couch.

"'Soka!" they both exclaimed, jumping off the couch and racing towards her.

"'Soka! Are you okay?" Hala asked worriedly.

"You just left," Raekar said softly, practically hiding behind Hala.

Ahsoka looked between the two children, not knowing exactly what to do. Then she just pointed at Anakin.

"It was cold so I had to go kick Sky Guy's butt."

Well, at least they hadn't picked up on the harsher language Anakin had let slip once or twice in their presence. Thank the Force for small favors.

Raekar's eyes went even rounder than normal. "Did you?" he asked.

Anakin managed a laugh. It was a little forced, but he did it. "Yeah, she did. I was going to sit with her until she felt good enough to go back to bed."

Hala's eyes practically lit up. "Can we sit with you too?"

Anakin hesitated. He didn't exactly feel like he was worthy of even touching these kids right now (to be honest, he never did, but it was particularly bad right now). Ahsoka was an exception because she was his padawan and family and somehow that mattered, but with these two...

"Um," he said slowly, then looked over at Ahsoka. He couldn't say no to them, so maybe she could? "Is that okay?"

The torgruta seemed to study them all for several (incredibly long) seconds before smiling brightly and nodding.

"Yeah, that's fine."

Which is how Anakin found himself sitting in a cushion with three squirming 4 and 5-year-olds snuggling next to him, wondering just how he'd gotten into this situation. Eventually they coerced him into telling them a story. So he thought back to his days on Tatooine and picked up a myth from the legends his mother had told him. This one was about the goddess Leia.

Five minutes later, they were all asleep and Anakin had no idea how he was ever going to get them all off of him. He could use the Force, but it always became more difficult with sentients and while he was sure he could do it, it could also wake them up seeing as they were Force Sensitive themselves.

So he took a moment to revel in these bright, innocent souls who still, for some reason he could not fathom, wanted to be around him – who trusted him.

He'd betrayed that trust once in another life.

Never again, he vowed.

The next morning, the caretaker was surprised to find all four of them peacefully sleeping in a pile on the cushion. She didn't have the heart to wake them.

xXx

"Ah, Siri," a familiar voice that would normally have Siri brightening up instead made her wince ever so slightly. Still, she pasted on a smile, not entirely faked. She did like seeing her Master. She just... didn't care for their conversations as of late.

"Master!" she turned around and said it brightly.

"Former Master," the dark-skinned woman replied. "How many times do I have to ask you to call me Adi?"

Siri snorted a little, although her smile had begun to feel more genuine. "It feels weird. It sounds weird. It _is_ weird. You'll always be my Master, you know?"

Adi's smiled warmly. "And you will always be my Padawan. But you are still a knight and one I consider a friend, so please, call me Adi?"

Could the blond help it if she was practically beaming now? "Fine," she conceded, "Adi. But it's still weird."

Her mentor laughed heartily and Siri savored the moment. It wasn't something that happened often.

"How are you feeling?" Adi asked as she began to walk down the hall. Siri fell into step beside her (which also felt weird, she should be just behind, flanking and protecting her back).

"I am well, Mas—er, Adi," that was going to take some getting used to, but the approval she felt through their bond was like the sun peeking out from behind the clouds. She couldn't help but feel grateful that they'd decided not to separate the training bond yet (on account of her mental health, but still). "Getting stronger every day, and I haven't had a relapse in... months now." Well, not a true relapse. She still tended to have issues when Anakin was in a darker mood, but she was getting better at resisting the void that she could still almost feel – that wanted to pull her back.

"Excellent," Adi said with a smile, then she stopped and turned to Siri with her hands on her hips. "I hate to bring this up again, but are you going to tell me about your bond with the boy and the future now?"

And there went the good mood. Then again, her Master had never been known for beating around the bush.

Siri sighed. "Please, Master, I keep telling you, it isn't my place."

She expected Adi to get angry – in that calm, disapproving way that she did. Instead, though, Siri was surprised to see (and feel) genuine hurt.

"I'm... sorry you can't trust me."

"No, that's not it! It isn't my secret! I promise, if my feelings and pride were the only thing at stake, I'd tell you in a heartbeat but... " she sighed again, fading off before restarting. "Look, I'll speak with Master Yoda," and everyone else involved, "and try to persuade him to let me tell you, but that's the best I can promise right now."

Thankfully, the hurt faded to worry. "What could be so dreadful that Master Yoda has kept it from the council?"

Unwittingly, a series of images – of people (especially Jedi) dying – flashed across her eyes and she had to repress a shudder. "Whatever you're thinking... it isn't nearly bad enough," she whispered.

Naturally, that only increased Adi's worry, but Siri couldn't do much else to alleviate that. She did manage a thin smile though, as she reached out and touched her master's arm. "We're working on it, Master. We'll prevent it, and when the Force says it's alright, we'll speak of it."

Apparently it was Adi's turn to sigh. "I don't like this, Siri. I worry that the more you keep hidden, the worse the effect it will have on you."

Despite her stern, often no-nonsense demeanor, Siri knew that this was only her master worrying about her. She tried to push her gratefulness across their bond. She was glad they'd been allowed to keep it. They hadn't the first time, but apparently the healers wanted a contingency in case she did have a relapse. As annoying as she found it, she couldn't say she really minded.

"Thank you, Master."

Adi sent an equally weak smile back at her. "What was that?"

Siri rolled her eyes. "I mean Adi."

The older woman's smile became that much firmer, and she turned to continue walking.

"In any case, I'm sure you will be happy to know that the Council has seen fit to assign you a mission."

Siri nearly stumbled. "Wait, what?"

"Well, you are a knight, and they need to see if you can handle the rigors of solo missions."

"Really?" she asked, almost thinking that this was too good to be true.

"It's a simple mission," Adi continued regally, "and you won't leave the core, but... I figured I should be the one to tell you."

Siri grinned. "Thank you, Master! I won't let you down. When do I leave?"

"In an hour. They've even cleared a personal ship for you to use. This won't be a luxury you will always have, so I suggest you take advantage of it."

"Yes, Master! I'll go pack! Thank you, Master!" With that, she ran off, hearing the woman call from behind her:

"Adi!"

Siri just snickered.

xXx

Count Dooku had long since realized that Lars had been right; he'd gotten in over his head.

Palpatine had seen through his deception in moments and their interactions had become, more or less, a sort of stalemate between them. As long as Dooku did as he was supposed to, Palpatine would supposedly 'teach' him what he needed to know about the Sith. Most of the time, the 'teaching' involved the Sith Lord showing off to entice Dooku to 'truly' join him.

He'd been bordering on the brink for months now and they both knew it. It had become a war of attrition, and Dooku knew he'd lose if it went on like this. The problem was, he saw no real way out of this. He was actually rather pleased with himself for hanging onto the light for as long as he had. Palpatine would speak against using only the light, and Dooku would remind him that he was there to learn, not to become. That he would help the man, but he would do it in his own way and dark theories should still be applicable to the light. Palpatine wasn't happy and their discussions were getting more and more heated, even if they both still hid their vitriol behind pleasant smiles and cups of tea.

It was getting harder to resist. Between Dooku's natural curiosity and his desire to get onto Sidious' side, he'd considered letting himself fall almost daily since he'd 'joined' Palpatine. But he couldn't help remembering what Lars had said, about how addicting the dark side was and how it wasn't really more powerful. He didn't want his own mind to be twisted by the darkness... but he was beginning to realize that there was really no other way to gain the Sith's trust.

He couldn't find the information he needed without falling. He couldn't fall and keep his same goals, thus rendering his need to gain the information – and any sacrifices thereof – moot.

It wasn't quite a catch 22, but it was pretty close.

"Unknown ship, this is _The_ _Mercurial,_ over?" Dooku said into the dashboard of his personal yacht as he approached the origin of a distress signal he sincerely hoped wasn't what he was looking for. Unfortunately, it was the right class of ship, matching one he'd been tracking for almost a month now.

A couple of days before he'd left, Sidious had received a vision about a future war coming and then something about Sifo-Dyas. After that, he'd assigned Dooku to track the Jedi Master down.

With liberal use of the Force and his own ability to research and track, Dooku had found his old friend's trail on the outer rim (which was strange enough in and of itself, Sifo rarely left the Jedi Temple these days). He'd been on route to the next destination he'd tracked the Jedi Master to, when he'd picked up a distress signal, which led him here.

No response came from the craft, barely larger than a shuttle, drifting and obviously dead in space. That did nothing to calm his worries.

Taking a deep breath, he glanced at the nearby gas giant that had caught the little ship in its orbit. Or the ship had been left there. He couldn't be sure without doing some serious equations that would honestly waste his time more than anything else. Then he looked back at the ship. It looked like he would have to board and see if Sifo had ditched his tail yet again (which was, in all honesty, the best-case scenario as he couldn't sense any life-forms aboard the ship).

He set the calculations into the nav-computer and then let it do the rest, allowing the machines to perfectly align hatches while he went into the back and prepared for whatever he could. He made sure he had a first aid kit and lightsaber while leaving his robe behind. On his way back to the cockpit to check on the ship's progress, he spotted a little, brown, draw-string sack sitting on one of the shelves. For several seconds he contemplated it before reaching up, reverently taking it and putting it in the pocket of a pouch on his belt. Then he continued walking back to the front. Just as he stepped back in the cockpit, a slight jarring let him know that the ships had coupled. He quickly updated his personal log as he scanned the ship inside for anything amiss (for about the fifth time).

It looked like the life support systems were long-dead, but there was air aboard. He decided to take a collapsible re-breather helmet just in case, and slipped some warm gloves on. The temperature inside would be rather cold, but at least temporarily survivable according to the data he'd received. He was sorry to leave his robe behind, but in case he needed to fight a droid or something, he wanted to make sure he could move.

In all honesty, he just felt uneasy about the whole thing and his instincts had saved his life many-a-time before this. He wasn't about to start ignoring them now.

Carefully, he walked to the hatch and opened it. A wash of icy, stale air hit him, and his hand hovered above his lightsaber as he searched with his senses for something – anything – in the cold darkness on the other side.

Nothing. No lights, no noise. Only a tiny, square meter or so of space with two doors, one leading to the engine, the other to the cockpit. So this hadn't even been the size of a shuttle. There must have been some major modifications done to it judging from the size of the ship he'd seen from the outside.

What made his blood run cold, though, were the blaster marks he could see with the light from his own ship shining into the space beyond. They littered the walls, but more importantly the locks to the doors. The slab that was supposed to be keeping the engine away from the rest of the ship had been forced open and now sat half closed, the space behind it a silent, gaping maw of blackness. The door to the cockpit was nearly as black with blaster marks and... yes, lightsaber holes littering it here and there.

So this wasn't a rendezvous point where he'd jumped ship. Dooku's stomach lurched.

Slowly, the former Jedi approached the door, part of him knowing what he would find behind it, the other part of him berating himself for his lack of dignity. He mostly didn't care. No one was here to see him now and this was Sifo-Dyas... his best ally among the Jedi. His friend, even.

Dooku didn't have many people he'd call 'friend'.

 _Stop acting like a newly minted knight,_ he told himself firmly. Then he swallowed and used the Force to shove the door open. It took significant effort, but he managed.

The sight on the other side of the doors shattered any hope he'd had.

There, sprawled in the pilot's chair, was his old friend. His chest was riddled with blaster holes and his eyes stared blankly at the ceiling. Frostbite had crept up his fingers and the nose, leaving his skin looking splotchy and too-pale.

Dooku stared at him for several seconds as his hand continued to tighten around his lightsaber and his breath, fogging before him, came out in shorter, quicker gasps.

He'd known what he would likely find. He'd _known_... but he'd hoped...

The idea of never meeting with his friend again, of the life that had been robbed of the Jedi Master in something so senseless as a pirate raid... or a deal gone wrong, seeing as the planet being a meeting point of some sort was still the most plausible scenario he could come up with.

Dooku was no stranger to death. That didn't make it any easier when things like _this_ happened. And he hated it. He _despised_ seeing friend after friend, comrade after comrade, innocent after innocent mercilessly slaughtered for _no kriffing reason_.

He took a deep breath, but it only seemed to fuel the rage that boiled beneath his skin. And for the first time, he seriously considered joining Sidious. So what if it would destroy him? As long as he could stop _things_ like this from happening. As long as he could make the universe a better place – even if it took bloodshed to get there, because how was that different from where the galaxy was now? They needed a better government, something that would crack down on atrocities like this. Make people so afraid of doing things like this that—

A warmth at his side pulled him out of his progressively spiraling thoughts and he looked down to his side where he'd put...

Eyes widening a little, he lifted the pocket flap, took out the brown pouch and opened the draw string, tipping the contents of the bag onto his hand. A small, smooth but otherwise unremarkable stone fell into his palm. It was a brown-red color, opaque, with small cracks of lighter browns running through it.

Qui-gon had given it to him as a thank you gift when he'd been knighted. Most padawans sought out great presents to give to their masters in thanks upon knighthood – a tradition that had fallen out of practice lately, from what he could tell – and yet, all Qui-gon had given him was this river stone.

And wasn't that so like him? Something anyone else would find useless or pointless, unremarkable and common, Qui-gon found joy in, and had assumed that that joy would transfer over.

In all honesty, Dooku had been beyond disappointed at the gift initially. Alright, for years after Qui-gon had been knighted. And then he'd forgotten he had the blasted thing until he'd cleared out his quarters at the Jedi Temple. Of course, very few things had actually been _his_ to keep. Jedi didn't keep things. This had been one of the few things that had come with him, and he only really appreciated it now, after Qui-gon had died.

Because it was from Qui-gon, and it was Dooku's.

And apparently it was Force-sensitive... or something like that.

In all honesty, Dooku had brought the stone with him specifically as a reminder. Deep-cover agents, which he'd been trained to be, tended to immerse themselves so much in their role, that they needed a physical reminder of who they were, their goals and their reasons.

Truthfully, he hadn't been sure that Qui-gon's rock would work, especially against the dark side, but he'd had little else.

He hadn't expected it to somehow reach out to him through the living Force. Just as Qui-gon himself would have had he been there to see that sad display. He'd been within a hair's breath of falling... and how terrifying was that? Even with everything he now knew, he had gone past a point of caring...

Already Dooku could feel his anger receding and helped it along by releasing it to the Force. It left behind only sadness and loss; a longing for both his friend and his former padawan and their presences in his life. He reveled in the heartbreak, allowing himself to really _feel_ it for a minute before he took a deep breath and released it to the Force as well.

He would never be truly rid of this sorrow, he knew. As much as he could release, it would always come back to him because the holes they left in his life could never close. He could only work around their absences... and the fact that he hadn't wanted to outlive either of them.

Dooku was an old man. Old and tired and sick of people leaving his life.

Funny, he'd always thought he'd been good at avoiding attachments. Did it take losing those closest to him – at least one of whom he'd tried to push away for years – to realize that attachments weren't avoidable? Not to humans at least. Maybe other species could do it, but not him, and not any human he knew of.

He stood there for several minutes, cradling the now cool stone to his chest as he continued to breathe out his sorrow and anger until he felt more level-headed again.

Then he reached out his hand and used the Force to lift his friend's body up before backtracking into his ship. He still had to check the computers for more information, trace Syfo's path back to where he'd been initially and/or figure out where he'd been headed.

Once he had his friend laid out, he clipped his lightsaber to his belt, knelt and closed the eyes. The skin was stiff and cold, but not too cold to resist too much. Then he took off his cloak, laying it carefully over the pale face of his friend.

After a couple more seconds, he slowly rose and looked at the river stone he still held in his hand.

"Qui-gon," he whispered to the stone, "thank you."

Then he put it back in the pouch and then the pocket on his belt. Even if his apprentice was one with the Force now, he had still given Dooku this.

And the former Jedi had begun to truly realize how precious of a gift it was.

xXx

AN: I kind of see Qui-Gon as being this strange, oblivious type of guy who goes around giving stones to people because he things they look pretty. You know, I almost see him as a high-functioning autistic... kind of like me. Without the toxicity, of course... (for me)... I hope. *ahem* I mean, it just makes so much sense. His fixations, his difficulty in understanding what is important to others, his difficulty getting over problems, his bluntness and complete lack of tact when it comes to those he's closest to... Yet something else that was never really addressed by the Jedi. *shrug*

In any case, thanks again to Khalthar and Carradee for beta reading this and being there to bounce ideas. You guys are amazing!


	8. Chapter 8

Anakin stirred when something warm on top of him shifted. He'd curled up on his side on a cushion of some kind (it didn't feel like his usual bed) and the heavy thing lay draped across his arms and the side of his chest. There was something else warm pressed against his back and yet another against his leg. Was it the same thing... person? He frowned. He never slept near people. There were a couple of people in whose presence he could sleep, but they were few and far between.

He reached out with the Force and relaxed a little when he felt Ahsoka's Force signature. Then he sighed fondly. Hadn't they talked about this? When they were forced to share sleeping spaces and tents, she needed to try to be a little more conscientious about where her extremities ended up. It wouldn't be the first time he'd woken with an arm across his, or a foot very near his face. Although, now that he brought his sleepy mind to think about it, that didn't seem right. It had been a while since he and Ahsoka had shared a space, hadn't it? Come to think of it, he didn't often sleep so deeply that he had problems waking up.

That's when the warm spot by his back shifted too. Was Obi-wan here? That seemed very wrong too. Then who...?

He reached out and found a presence nowhere nearly as familiar as his old master's, but still one he knew. A youngling Zeltron and...

Wait... what?

His eyes snapped open. Surely enough, Ahsoka had somehow ended up with arms and legs akimbo as she sprawled on top of him. But he could also see another small form down by his knees.

It took a minute for his mind to catch up with him, but thankfully, it did so quickly. It flashed before his eyes in seconds: his trip to the past, speaking to Palpatine for the first time in years and then the nightmares and Ahsoka and her two friends... Blinking the fogginess out of his eyes, he finally realized how he was still surrounded by younglings, but not just the three he remembered from the previous night. No, at least seven more sat or knelt on the rugs splayed across the floor around him, struggling to begin their morning meditation. Most of them would periodically peek at him and giggle or chuckle quietly before attempting to go back to their exercises.

Anakin felt his cheeks warm and cursed his puberty-ridden body.

"Skyguy?" Ahsoka asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes and looking up at him.

"Umm," came Anakin's articulate answer. He fought down a mild panic as he felt the other two begin to sit up.

Thankfully, the crèche master seemed to notice them at that point and came to rescue him.

"Ah, good, I was just about to wake you. Why don't you three go get yourselves ready and join us back here. I can speak to you then."

The three sleepy children all nodded obediently and slid down off of the large cushion.

"Thanks, Skyguy," Ahsoka said happily, waving at him. The other two followed her lead before disappearing down the hall.

At that point, Anakin stood awkwardly before the crèche master, a human named Master Kobola. She just stared at him patiently, with one eyebrow raised.

"Um... I had a bad dream and Ahsoka may have sensed it and, er... sliced out of the Clawmouse crèche hall to come and comfort me."

Master Kobola's light brown eyes widened in surprise. "She sliced her way out of the crèche?"

Anakin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly (Force, it had been years since he'd felt this shamefaced). "I may have... accidentally taught them how to slice minor locks a couple of weeks back. In my defense, I didn't think they'd actually remember anything! They're five!" Or younger.

He knew he wouldn't be getting out of this easily and had to keep reminding himself that whatever punishment he got, it would be a fitting punishment that he truly deserved, not the half-beatings that tended to be on the nicer end of the scale of what Palpatine had seen fit to give him. It had been a while since he'd really expected (or even thought about ) something like that, but again, meeting the Sith Master yesterday had apparently screwed over his subconscious.

Thankfully, and much to Anakin's relief, Master Kobola just rolled her eyes in fond exasperation and shook her head, making the short, red curls that around her face bounce. "Children are young and inexperienced, not stupid. You have to be very careful what you teach them, because they tend to be more observant than you realize.

"I could also ask what you were doing slicing the temple locks..." she said reprovingly.

Anakin felt his cheeks heat up again. Why did he have to return to the past just before puberty again? He was a former Jedi Knight who had fought a war, a former Sith Lord who had fought several wars and commanded armies, and he still got embarrassed by a scolding from a crèche master. What the kriff?

"I was just... practicing," he muttered.

The woman sighed and leaned down, putting a hand on his shoulder. "The locks are there for your safety, you know. Your crèche master needs to know where you are at all times to properly care for you. That especially applies to the younger ages."

"Yes ma'am," he said quietly, wondering how she'd gotten him to revert to his more childlike tendencies. Usually only his mother could really do that.

He quickly pushed that thought aside.

Master Kobola sighed, but still didn't sound angry or upset. "So what happened after that?"

Anakin swallowed, reminding himself that he'd done far worse than teaching kids to slice a simple door before he continued. "Well, I brought her back here, where her friends were waiting for her. She'd apparently had a nightmare too because she seemed worried asked me to stay for a little bit. I didn't want to take her to her room if I was staying..."

She nodded, "That would have been inappropriate. You made a good call."

He forced himself to smile at her. "I... guess we just fell asleep after that."

"Yes," she replied, sounding more amused than anything. "Well, I'd prefer you didn't make this a habit, and I'm going to be speaking to both your crèche master and the crèche council. We'll likely change the codes and upgrade the security on the doors. Please don't teach the children how to slice this one."

"Yes, ma'am." Anakin nodded, hoping it didn't look like he'd complied too hurriedly. At least she had no delusion that it would work on him.

She smiled before reaching up and ruffling his hair. Still embarrassed, he let her (what else was he supposed to do, break her arm? Yes, that would go over wonderfully). Then she straightened.

"Now, it's likely time that you get back to your floor before you get into more trouble."

Anakin was only too happy to comply. The sooner he got out of there the better. So he nodded, bowed to the woman and walked as regally as he could out of the room to hide any more of his ridiculous embarrassment that he still could not explain.

Part of him wanted to ask Girth or Master Xio about it... but most of him just wanted to forget it ever happened. This wasn't a big deal, and he kind of wanted to keep it private anyway, both for the embarrassment he could save and the memory in general.

After all, he hadn't woken feeling that well rested in a very long time.

xXx

Yoda watched the young pair of Jedi presenting their findings to the Jedi Council. It had only been a couple of weeks since they had been assigned their task, and they had already put together a rather worrying presentation.

It started with a general survey that the presenting knights had asked a couple of worlds to put on their census reports and some holoweb commercials. The questions had been mostly about the Jedi and what the people of each world thought of them. The results were... not what the Jedi had expected.

Most Non-Jedi seemed to think of the Jedi as either a religion with too much favored bias from the Senate, or an elite class of warriors (or a strange, somewhat nebulous combination thereof) on the Senate/Republic/Chancellor's payroll. A much smaller portion of those who had taken the test saw them as what they were: a peace-keeping order. Very few had actually _met_ Jedi, and most of the survey takers seemed to think that they likely never would (at least, that was the implication the presenters took from the results).

The conclusion Yoda had drawn was that the Jedi were indeed far too removed from the public they were supposed to serve. Both of the presenting Jedi were in agreement on that as well, to an extent. Their structured arguments revolved more around whether they should change that fact or not.

On the one hand, the results stated that Jedi support was on the decline. Jedi needed their sanctuary and refuge from an increasingly more hostile universe. Inevitably, duty would call for them brave the world outside the temple, but keeping the Order apart from the rest of the galaxy did offer that refuge. Also, there were only so many Jedi. Approximately one to every million sapients in the Galaxy were born with force-sensitivity, in general terms, and not all of them (not even _half_ of them) ended up joining the Order at all. Then the age limit and the corps took even more away (although the Order still counted them as Jedi, and it was likely the people who met them did as well) so at any given point, there simply weren't enough Jedi to really begin intense new projects and initiatives. Even working out the logistics of somehow trying to meet the public at large would be difficult to say the least.

And yet, as the current Jedi presenter, Knight Ranhoran, outright argued that they had to do something. Jedi, as they currently were, could not understand the public without ever interacting with them, and thus, the public could not understand Jedi. By extension, they also couldn't truly trust Jedi and based their knowledge of the Order on ancient legends or holovids that most likely weren't even remotely accurate to begin with. The Galaxy's population just didn't know anything concrete or true about them. And people tend to fear what they do not understand.

It was Knight Ranhoran's opinion that they should try and get some true information out to the galaxy; make some documentaries about the Jedi, give some interviews, have padawans give presentations to local schools. He argued that they needed to let the universe see and understand more of what went on in a Jedi's life. They could do so without giving away too many hints on how to infiltrate the Jedi temple or spot Jedi on missions.

The argument to this, of course, centered around how that would be giving information to people who could potentially damage the Jedi Order. People who could read in between the lines and who could parse together a great deal of information on simple hints and an in-depth analysis.

But was that worth the risks that came of being so removed from the Galaxy? Was that defense their best defense? And was it truly that difficult to work around or find solutions to? It was true that many cultures still looked favorably on the Order, but there were far more cultures who were openly neutral or critical of the Jedi – sometimes to a point of outright hatred – than anyone had expected. There wasn't a way to really avoid offending someone in diplomatic situations, but Yoda didn't think anyone had realized just how many worlds had developed negative opinions about the Order. The Grandmaster only knew because he'd seen the unfiltered results. He'd given the two Jedi who had been tasked with filtering and taking out the useless or "trolling" (the connotation still made him a little grumpy) comments out two weeks of vacation to recuperate. He hoped it was enough.

The conclusions had been sobering and made the future Anakin and Siri had described far more believable than it had seemed before.

Once the two knights had finished presenting what they'd uncovered as well as their arguments, they both bowed and stood silently, waiting to answer questions. A couple of masters spoke up, but Yoda didn't listen closely, too focused on closing his eyes and asking the Force.

The cloudiness that had been popping up lately came with the otherwise warm, familiar sensation, making Yoda frown. But he still got a positive sense from it regarding this topic. He wondered if everyone else would.

"Discuss this topic, we will," Yoda finally said once a long enough pause in the noise registered.

Beside him, Mace nodded at the two presenters. "Thank you for reporting your findings today. You may leave now."

Both of the knights bowed again before retreating, leaving the Council in silence.

Once the large doors closed, the debate began.

"They bring up some very good points," Plo Koon said softly.

"Indeed," Ki-Adi-Mundi agreed. "But the question does come down to this: Do we give up our secrets for a chance to connect with the people of the galaxy?"

"Why give up our best form of defense?" Oppo Rancisis asked. "Because our enemies do not know of our ways, they cannot corrupt or pervert them."

Yoda frowned at him. "Many enemies, have we?"

"According to the presentation we just witnessed, Yes," Eeth Koth commented, looking troubled. Beside him, Saesee Tiin nodded calmly.

Oppo Rancisis decided to take up the argument again. "I may not agree personally that the Sith have returned, but that does not mean we should throw caution to the wind. We lose too many Jedi on missions as it is. Giving criminals a view into our culture..." he faded off, shaking his head.

"We can still share more about the Jedi without completely cutting ourselves off from the people," the surprising voice of Evan Piell objected. Yoda and Yaddle hadn't expected he would be initially for this change when they'd discussed it earlier. "And we are not anonymous enough to truly hide behind secrecy. People will simply make up stories about Jedi based on rumors, which can – and have – led to disastrous effects and opinions. I know I am not the only one who has run across a citizen ignorant of our ways who has already judged the Order and made my mission that much harder. We have already lost many to that pitfall."

"The more knowledge enemies have of us, the more likely it is they will find weaknesses to exploit," Saesee Tiin insisted.

"Our duty is to the people of the Republic," Oppo added on. "But do we not have a duty to protect our younglings and our way of life – those traditions laid down by the Jedi of Old – also?"

"But is cutting ourselves off from everyone else the way to protect them? And even then, there are ways we could overcome or work around that," Yaerel Poof commented, tipping his head a little. With his long neck, the position made him look strange, as it always did. He seemed to enjoy making people a little uncomfortable, in good fun of course. His eccentricities had become so common place that most of the Council brushed it off, but some of the newer members still gave him wary looks.

"Who has the time to figure out how to work around it?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked.

"It does sound like it would take up a lot of time," Adi-Gallia said, although she looked more troubled than Eeth Koth.

"The small suggestions, we could try. Difficult, it would not be," Yaddle said.

"I don't think this issue can be resolved by a couple of presentations and a documentary, even if their ideas are a good start," Evan commented.

"The Jedi have thrived for a thousand years as we are now. There are reasons we do as we do," Oppo insisted.

"Know them, do you?" Yaddle asked.

That stopped him short. "Master Yaddle?"

"Know all the reasons for all of the rules, do you? Made from times of old, many of them were. Different times, they were." Yoda couldn't help but agree with that. Sometimes, it all felt the same, but sometimes the different periods were so distinct it was difficult to mentally place them on the same world or in the universe at the same times.

"That doesn't stop the fact that these rules have worked," Mace said, seeming a little surprised at Yaddle's comment, but regaining his what little composure he'd lost quickly. "The code has guided us for so long. Why should it stop working?"

"Hmm, change, everything does," Yoda spoke up, resting his head on the top of his gimmer stick. "Stop change, we cannot. Only direct it."

"This is changing the Jedi way, and I cannot approve," Oppo said firmly.

Yoda frowned. He'd known that Oppo Rancisis and Saesee Tiin would likely be the most difficult to sway. And honestly, he knew that they'd have to come up with some sort of compromise before either one of them would approve of it. They were both traditionalists and would need time to see any benefits. Unfortunately, benefits from something like this would likely not be seen for years if not decades.

Perhaps it was time to bring the deeper matter up then.

Yoda frowned at him, and then at the Council in general. Before anyone could speak, he tapped his gimmer stick. It wasn't loud, but it did stop some more comments for a moment.

"Listen to ourselves, we should. Jedi, we are, yet ask the Force, we have not. Listen to the Force, we do not. Noticed, I have, that make decisions out of fear, we do."

A general sense of denial swept over the room. Disappointing. Not surprising, sadly. Honestly, if Yoda didn't have some of the future knowledge he did, he'd be in a similar boat... what a terrifying thought.

"Master Yoda, there is a difference between fear and wariness," Saesee Tiin objected.

Yoda turned and faced the iktochi with a hard stare. Did he honestly think the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order didn't know that? After a couple of seconds, Saesee shifted and looked away. Youngsters these days.

"Have you seen something, Master?" Plo Koon asked softly, speaking for the first time.

The old master sighed. "Yes. Clouded, the Force has been of late. But not completely. If continue as we have, the Jedi Order does, consumed by darkness we will be."

Silence met his words.

Then, finally, Mace spoke hesitantly. "You have... seen this?"

Yoda chose his words carefully. "By the will of the Force has this reached me." Technically true, as it was the will of the Force to send Anakin back in time.

"Do you know what this darkness is?" Eeth Koth asked.

Yes, he did. But he couldn't exactly say that aloud right now. Not if he wanted them to believe him... not if he wanted to save them all. Slow and steady, that would be how he had to present this.

Ugh, it had been centuries since he'd had to think something like that. Maybe he'd gotten soft in his old age? Or more complacent than even he'd realized?

Finally, he shook his head. "See that, I did not." Again, still true. He refused to outright lie to them.

The Council members all exchanged glances. "Nevertheless, keep that in mind, you should, when meditating on this, you are," Yoda finally said. "Wariness; a bad trait to have, it is not. Complacency is. Make decisions out of fear, we should not. Have faith in the Force, we should. Jedi, we are. Rely on ourselves – even our code – alone, we cannot."

No one answered him. He chose to take that as a good sign, even if he could only truly hope they were listening.

The future of the Order and all the Jedi in it depended on it.

xXx

Anakin couldn't help but be a bit frustrated when he found out that Siri had been called on a mission earlier that morning. She hadn't told him anything... not that she needed to, mind, neither one of them answered to the other, but still. He would have liked to have known.

She had left him a message though, so it could have been worse. And in all honesty, he was happy for her. He knew she hated just sitting around as much as he and Obi-wan did. In his younger years, he thought it was a Jedi thing. Now he just thought it was a sapient thing.

He spent the next couple of days going to class, racing and preparing for his next session with Girth, which would come the day before he would be returning to the Senate. At least he didn't have to go with a partner this time, as he had when he'd been assigned to Senators the first time. They'd decided against that with the second 'shuffling', and he couldn't help but be grateful. He had enough to worry about without deflecting Palpatine's manipulation on another youngling.

The day before he was supposed to see Girth, Anakin went to meet Siri as she returned, whole and hale, all of three days after she'd left. Part of him just wanted to be there for her (as she'd been for him), part of him wanted to show her the message he'd just received that morning, and still another part was desperate for a good sparring partner he could battle daily (although he did appreciate the break, as it looked like he'd been developing bad-habits from fighting only her – they'd have to fix that).

"I see you ran into no bad luck," he said as she disembarked from the transport ship that had been so kind as to drop her off directly at the Temple.

"Don't jinx it," she replied, aiming for a light smack on his head, which he ducked. "I haven't actually turned my report in yet. Just because I'm back at the temple doesn't mean nothing will happen. Especially with you around."

He appreciated the good-natured ribbing, even if she was only half joking.

"I'll walk with you to the Council chamber," he informed her as he fell into step beside her.

She raised an eyebrow as she looked down at him. "That's a bit unusual of you."

"It'll give me a chance to show you this," he replied casually, handing over his comm.

Warily, Siri took it and opened the file Anakin had brought up. At which point she froze, staring at the footage on screen. She could see smoke rising into the atmosphere of a dreary, hard-looking world she knew was Nar Shadda. Then it switched to footage of bodies inside the building and aurobesh scrolled across the scene, informing the viewers that the 'workers' once housed there had most definitely escaped. And while the leader of the company (a slavery ring, Anakin knew, even if the news didn't acknowledge it) had been confirmed dead, several of his officers seemed to have escaped as well.

It was a link that had been sent via comm, and the caption to the message read: " _Ah, yes. Jedi believe in such peace. These are the people you're determined to defend?_ "

She sighed and handed the comm back to Anakin. "Jango?" she asked.

He nodded.

They walked on again, the only sound being the tapping of their feet against the floor for several seconds before Anakin spoke up.

"That was the Nar Shadda mission you were supposed to go on, wasn't it." He recognized the face of the dead slaver as he and Obi-wan had accidentally stumbled into Siri's mission the first time around. Siri nodded and Anakin looked back at the image again. "Is... that Master Billaba's M.O. too?"

Siri didn't really want to say yes, he could tell. "Well," she said slowly, "it's not exactly outside of her M.O. Remember what I said about her blending in?"

Anakin blinked at her and then looked back at the footage. "This is her 'blending in'?"

"What's the official story?" Siri asked. She must have missed some of the scrolling info. To be fair, it changed to Huttese about half-way through.

"A technical malfunction with some unspecified equipment – I'm pretty sure it was the slave collars from what I was able to pick up through the subtext – and a revolt from the factory... 'workers'."

"Sounds like the government of Nar Shadda's really trying to cover it up."

"That's what they did the first time with us too."

"True."

"But there was a lot of collateral damage. It's all over the news stations out there, even if they don't seem to know who started it." Although Jango did. How many other people did? And what kind of repercussions would this have? If this was the work of a Council member... "Tell me again what the difference between Jedi and Sith are?"

Siri sighed. "Depa... has a pretty simple outlook in that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. She's good at what she does, tries to follow the letter of the law, goes out of her way to avoid collateral damage, and she's pretty phenomenal at finding loopholes to exploit, but if she cannot see any work around, she'll most likely strive to eliminate the threat where someone else would most likely wait for something better to present itself... like I did."

Well... this was certainly painting the Jedi in an... interesting light. Somehow, he doubted Depa Billaba was the only one who didn't quite fit the Jedi mold Anakin had thought everyone else in the Temple had the first time around. He actually seemed to fit into the Temple a lot better than he'd initially thought... at least now. And how sad was that?

"Pragmatic," he commented. "If a little impatient."

Siri nodded, although she didn't look like she approved. "I really hate to say that I don't know if I disagree, although I think that's the soldier in me coming out. "

Anakin stopped and watched her walk on for a couple of minutes, surprised. "You don't know if you disagree with her?"

The older woman shrugged. "I get why she doesn't just wait once she's exhausted everything else she can think of. In the clone wars, waiting for a better opening would get someone killed nine times out of ten. I suppose it's a matter of opinion what that remaining one time would be."

"True, but I must still admit that I did not expect that from you."

Siri paused and turned to him as he began to walk again and then fell into step beside him when he caught up. "Well, think about it. I chose the long-term infiltration the first time. I did whatever I could, helped everyone I could as much as I could get away with, but didn't really act against him until I was in a better position…and then the circumstances _made_ me. That took me years to do. How many slaves did she stop from getting processed by acting now? From even being captured? All because she was willing to take out who she needed to as soon as she possibly could. I don't feel like my infiltration actually helped any more in the end. It may have actually made the situation worse."

The former Sith snorted. "I never said I disagreed with you. Or her."

"I... think that actually scares me."

"Good. It probably should."

She glanced over at Anakin. "I didn't see any evidence of a lightsaber. How does Jango know it's a Jedi who infiltrated the slavery ring?"

Anakin shook his head. "I could never figure out all of his contacts."

That surprised the taller blonde. "Even as the second in command of the Galactic Empire?"

He shot her a pointed look. "There's a reason I wanted to hire this particular man."

Siri whistled, long and low and obviously impressed despite herself.

"So, nothing else from him then?" she asked.

Anakin shook his head.

"Kriff," Siri muttered. Anakin nodded in agreement. It looked like they'd be playing the waiting game... and any contact with Jango would likely come from the bounty hunter or be met with... resistance.

Anakin hated games and he hated waiting, but most of all, he hated that he didn't really have a choice about what to do about Jango at this point.

"When I'm done with my report, would you like to head to the training salles? You look like you could use a good spar." Siri's voice broke through his darkening thoughts, drawing him back to reality.

"Force, please," Anakin responded, not caring that he may have sounded a little desperate and more than a little relieved.

Siri shot him a smile. It wavered a little, but he appreciated the effort. "Alright. Then, on to the Council Chamber. The sooner I get this over with, the better."

"Agreed," Anakin replied.

xXx

AN: Some people have commented that Anakin isn't seeing many changes in the Jedi Order. Truthfully, he probably won't for a bit. Once the Council starts pulling heads and sticks out of backsides, that may start to change, but until then... What is done in the Council Room stays in the Council Room.

I would like to thank a couple of people for this: Carradee, Quathis and Everyone who has read this story up to this point. Seriously, thank you. You guys keep me going. So, to you, dear reader, a chapter much sooner than some others. I hope to be a bit more regular for the next few chapters at least. :)


	9. Chapter 9

Anakin and Siri hadn't been able to spar for as long as he would have liked as Siri said she had an engagement to get to. That left Anakin alone to practice his katas and then against droids as everyone else had gone to dinner. He wasn't hungry, so he'd sent a comm text to Hik'te and Coira that he wouldn't be there and to not worry about him.

Eventually, he realized that he was acting out on his frustration and anxiety about the upcoming trip to the Senate again and that he still had some classwork he had to do, so he decided to stop for the night. As he was exiting the room, though, Anakin stumbled across the last person he'd expected to – and one of the last people he'd wanted to. He'd just finished cleaning up when he felt a familiar twinge in the Force. A little surprised, he'd turned just in time to see one Ferus Olin more or less storm into a training room across the hall and down a couple of doors.

At first he found himself surprised that Obi-wan and Ferus had returned after only a week or so. Then his surprise grew when he noticed just how upset the boy looked. Part of Anakin just wanted to walk away. Vader would have wanted to know what was going on, but more to keep awareness and control of the situation than anything else. Clone Wars Anakin wouldn't have had the time, energy or self-awareness to want to do anything. But a young, fresh-from-slavery Anakin would have wanted to help, even if he had no idea how. More importantly, as a young padawan, under a new knight like Obi-wan, Anakin could have really used some help... and now Ferus was in a similar situation. If anyone knew how difficult learning under 'Knight Kenobi the Sith Killer' could be, it would be Anakin.

That, and the Force nudged him in that direction.

Also, if Siri were here, she'd have been over there in a heartbeat. She'd helped Anakin out so much recently, and this felt like something he could actually _do_ to pay her back for following him back in time.

Didn't mean he wanted to do it.

Anakin internally groaned, but called out before the door to the other's salle had closed.

"Hey, Ferus Olin, right?"

The boy froze and slowly turned, eyes suspicious and a little red. Anakin pretended not to notice.

"Yeah," he said, defensive.

"I'm Anakin Skywaker, from the Thranta Clan, remember?" Anakin asked, holding his hand out.

Ferus blinked at him, then looked down at the appendage before glancing back up. Did he expect a trap or something? After a moment, he took Anakin's proffered hand and shook it.

"Yes," he said finally. "I... don't remember being introduced to you before."

"Well, we were only in the same combined groups for a couple of months before you became a padawan," Anakin replied with a nonchalant wave of his hand. "In any case, are you here to practice?"

The dark-haired boy (except for that one blond streak) blinked at Anakin, surprised at the question. "Yes."

"Mind if I practice with you?" the 'younger' boy asked. "My sparring partner had to leave early."

Ferus wanted to be alone, Anakin could tell, and part of him wanted to gracefully back out, but the Force was still nudging him... Perhaps Ferus needed just the opposite of what he wanted? Anakin could relate.

"Um... sure, I guess."

"Thanks!" Anakin said, turning up his grin to eleven (and his childishness too, he'd been working on that). "I've been working _really_ hard to try and get better at lightsaber fighting."

Ferus frowned. "Why?"

Because he had a Sith Lord to battle.

Anakin shrugged. "Why not? I want to be able to protect the people around me when I become a padawan."

"Oh." Ferus didn't look convinced, but he didn't press the subject. He always had been too sharp for his own good.

"So, what form do you use?" the time-traveler asked.

"My master has been teaching me form IV."

That... was different. Obi-wan had drilled Anakin on form III when he'd been apprenticed. He'd had to ask Obi-wan to teach him form V, although the knight had capitulated fairly easily.

"Because you wanted to learn that form?" Anakin asked as he shut the door.

Ferus didn't answer, just shrugging and looking away. The initiate frowned. That... wasn't like the calm, confident Ferus he remembered, either from his memories or from the initiates' combined clans. But he also didn't seem like he was ready – or willing – to talk, so Anakin just walked to the other side of the room, stretching a bit, and then taking his lightsaber out. He was still a little tired from his own recent practice, but he was sure he could give the padawan a run for his money. Actually, if he couldn't control this entire fight, he'd give up on the lightsaber altogether and go ask Plo Koon to teach him Emerald Lightning.

"What form do you use?" Ferus asked.

Anakin frowned again. It should be obvious from his stance. "Form V."

The other boy nodded. "I thought so. Whenever you're ready."

They sat there for another few seconds, starting to circle each other, before they shot forward, igniting their blades, Anakin just a hair faster than Ferus. It was over far faster than former Sith would have thought, ending up with the older boy on his back and Anakin's blade at his throat.

"A... purple blade?" Ferus asked, looking a little overwhelmed.

Anakin looked down at the amethyst blade emanating from his lightsaber hilt.

"I... came to the Temple a little late and had some training before I came," he said carefully.

"Oh," Ferus replied. Then he took a deep breath. "I yield," he finally said through gritted teeth.

Anakin turned his blade off and held out his hand for Ferus to take. The boy frowned at it as if it were a snake of some kind before he reached up and took it. Anakin could tell he was frustrated at having lost to a younger student, but Ferus had never been one to make allowances or excuses, especially for himself. He just pushed himself harder.

And, exactly as Anakin had expected, Ferus went into his form IV stance again.

The time-traveler felt a small grin tug at the side of his mouth. He seemed more focused this time than he had before. Good.

Their exchange lasted much longer this time, but ended when Anakin hit the back of Ferus' head with the butt of his hilt. It wouldn't be hard enough to really hurt (let alone concuss) him, but it was enough to trip him up and knock him down. When he looked up, Anakin's blade rested right next to his neck.

"I yield," he said, sounding even more frustrated. "Again!"

Anakin was fine with that. They went back into their stances, and went at it again.

Ferus never won a fight, and Anakin could tell it was really getting to him, but he refused to go too easy on the boy. He'd actually had to hold back a little to make the fight remotely fair, but doubted the other would appreciate knowing that. He wondered why the Force had nudged him over here if his sparring with the older boy would just make everything worse.

"You're getting sloppy," Anakin warned, when Ferus started getting too upset to focus.

Ferus' response was to launch himself forward again. Yeah, Anakin wasn't fighting him like that. So he turned his lightsaber off and lowered it to one side. He watched calmly as Ferus' lightsaber slowed and came to a halt inches away from his face. Well, at least the boy had managed to stop himself. Anakin just waited patiently for the other boy's expression of shock to melt away.

It did. Right back into an expression of calm solemnity that had always been Ferus Olin's default. It was a better expression than the frustrated anger just a couple of moments before.

"Are you... tired?" Ferus asked. There was the boy Anakin remembered. He still had a long way to go before he grew into the man he would eventually become, or even the padawan a younger Anakin had counted as his rival, but the foundation was there. The boy wasn't nearly as unreadable as he obviously wanted to be, it would take a while before he learned that level of calm, but his self control was still impressive for his age. The former Sith could still feel the other boy's frustration (and something deeper, but he hadn't had a chance to really look yet), but here he sat with a face that could have been carved from stone for all the emotion it showed, even if it had taken a bit to get there.

"A little," Anakin said truthfully. "But that isn't why I stopped. You... don't seem happy." He wasn't quite sure how else to say it. He wanted to ask why, when he had Obi-wan to teach him, he seemed so frustrated and angry... but then, Anakin really wasn't one to talk. Pot meet kettle and all that.

"I'm... a little frustrated," Ferus conceded, but didn't go any further.

"If I may, it doesn't seem like some temporary frustration. It seems... deeper." Why did Anakin feel so awkward?

The boy with the single blond lock in his hair finally shut off his lightsaber and looked to the side. "I... don't want to discuss it."

The Force said otherwise.

"Does it have to do with the training trip you just took with your master?" Ferus tensed up. Right on the credits.

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Funny, I don't think that's it at all," Anakin observed. "You don't know who to talk to about it and you don't want to _admit_ to whatever it is."

Ferus rounded on him, trying to look threatening, but the vulnerability there undermined his glare. "How could you _possibly_ know that?!"

"The Force," Anakin replied, then sighed. He was _not_ the right person for this. Siri was. But the padawan wouldn't have any reason to trust her either. Force take it. "I'm particularly attuned to it," Anakin said, rubbing the back of his neck. This would either blow up spectacularly or... well, he wasn't sure what the other option was, but Master Yaddle wanted him to trust the Force more, so he'd do his best.

Maybe he should approach it like Girth would? Ugh... did that make him an amateur therapist? Somehow that did _not_ strike him as a good thing... Still, he didn't really have any other option he wanted to entertain at this point.

"Whatever you say, it won't leave this room, if you want to tell me what happened."

Ferus still looked like an angry, lost puppy: one of those adorable little pets that Padmé had shown him on Naboo once. Thing was, even those could be vicious when backed into a corner. Anakin knew he'd have to approach this carefully...

Or maybe he should just drag him to his therapy session tomorrow and have Girth take care of it. Yeah, that seemed like a decent idea. Ferus hadn't spoken for several seconds now. They'd be approaching measurements in minutes soon. That couldn't be a good sign.

He was just about to suggest that Ferus come to meet Girth the next day when the boy spoke.

"I... failed."

That looked like it had been painful to say... but was a little too vague for Anakin to work with.

"Failed at what?" he asked cautiously. Was that the right thing to say? Oh, he was _so_ not a mind-healer.

" _Everything_!" Ferus practically exploded. Anakin blinked. He'd never known the boy to be the exploding type. Could he get angry? Certainly. Frustrated and upset, annoyed as well, but he'd always tended to get _quieter_ when he was dealing with negative emotion. Quieter, but more dangerous, more determined, and more focused. He'd always been the exact opposite of Anakin. It was... strange to see the boy like this. Of course, Anakin hadn't known Ferus until he'd been a little older. Maybe this was how he'd reacted as a child?

Ferus threw his hands in the air angrily. "My master took me on a training mission. It was supposed to be... well different to what it was. He _set me up to fail!_ There was no way for me to succeed. What kind of a master does that to their student? And it wasn't just that! Everything I did was just wrong! How could... how could he? And if there's no right way for me to choose, how can I even learn?!"

And Anakin went from having nothing to work with to having far too much. Where to start? Ugh... he didn't really know. He may as well go with the most obvious.

"He set you up to fail?" he asked.

Ferus, while apparently being the exploding type after all, also seemed to burn out quickly because he suddenly slumped against the nearest wall. "I was supposed to rescue some dummies with vital signs to signify their state of life. Apparently, they'd been 'dead' before my master and I even went in. I was in charge of every decision and it made getting to them take even longer and... if they would have been real people..." he cut off.

Anakin frowned. That sounded like something an older padawan would be subject to, not a younger one. Unless Obi-wan thought he was mature enough to handle it... Which sounded like something Obi-wan would do if he'd had someone with a more traditional Jedi background to work with. Oh, the irony that the boy didn't realize his master thought he was ahead of the curve if he'd given him that lesson. But would he understand that if Anakin explained it to him? He could easily see many of the lessons Obi-wan would want to teach his padawan with that situation, but would explaining them help him or hurt him? Somehow, Anakin felt like he was at a far larger loss here than Ferus.

He walked over and sat near the boy, not right next to him – they weren't that close yet, and may never be (they never had been before) – but hopefully his closer presence would help.

What would Girth do? Hmm, make it personal perhaps? Or at least give an example. An analogy? Well, why not? "I was a slave before I came to the temple, you know," he said quietly, realizing that he'd have to give some context if he wanted to explain how he knew what he was about to talk about. "I grew up on a hutt-owned world and was lucky to be gambled away only once before my first decade."

Ferus had looked over at him with undisguised horror. Well, getting his train of thought away from his own problems would definitely help, Anakin supposed. He hadn't gone into this with that goal in mind, but he'd take happy accidents.

"Death was a very real part of my life... and believe me when I say that sometimes, you start out to save someone and they're already gone. It happens. But the point is to still try. If you don't, then you let the darkness win. I... learned that the hard way." He took his lightsaber off of his belt and held it in his hand. With its purple crystals symbolizing that he walked the fine line between the light and the dark.

"I think your master wanted you to learn that now, in a controlled environment so you wouldn't have to some time in the future in the field where such a distraction can kill you. In his own way, he was trying to protect you. And he wouldn't have given you such a hard lesson to learn if he didn't think you could handle it. From what I understand, most padawans don't get similar lessons until they're almost ready to become a senior padawan."

"But... I _couldn't_ handle it! Every decision... I couldn't seem to make a right choice! Nothing I did was remotely useful to us or the mission! He only had criticism for _every single thing I did_."

Anakin took a deep breath. "That's... well, that's on him." Because Obi-wan had acted very similarly towards Anakin until later on in his apprenticeship as well. The new knight been determined to make the 'Chosen One' into the best Jedi he could be, and would constantly point out what his padawan needed to work on. If he didn't say anything about a subject, then it was acceptable – or even _good_. Anakin had rarely gotten an outright, genuine 'good job', let alone any other praise for the first few years of his Jedi training.

"Your master is the Jedi who found me and brought me back to the Temple. Well, him and his master. Obi-wan... isn't very good at pointing out what someone did right. But, you have to realize that that's because so few people pointed out what he did right to him when he was a padawan. I... think that might be all he knows."

Ferus was staring at him with a similar expression to the horror he'd had before. Anakin could see the realization in his wide eyes just before he slumped back against the wall. They sat like that for several seconds before the dark-haired boy finally spoke.

"That doesn't make it right," he muttered.

"No, it doesn't," Anakin agreed. "But, he isn't some perfect person because he's a Jedi Knight. He's still human. Merely sapient, and he makes mistakes." Many, _many_ mistakes. "So... maybe we could point it out to him. He might listen, he might not, but knowing where his intentions lie can help. Also, when you become a Jedi Knight and take on a padawan of your own, you can know what not to do – you can break the cycle."

There, that sounded like the something that Girth would say.

"That still doesn't change the fact that I did almost everything wrong."

Anakin shrugged. "You're a padawan. A new padawan. You're there to learn from your master. You're not there because you're perfect. You'll fail at times, just like every other padawan out there."

Feruse grumbled, a little petulant now. "I didn't used to fail."

It was Anakin's turn to stare at him. Was that what this was about? His _pride_? It took every ounce of will for him not to burst into laughter right then and there. Anakin and Ferus were more alike than he'd like to admit in that case.

"That's part of becoming a padawan," he finally answered when he could trust himself to speak. "The real world isn't like the pretty, sheltered life here at the Temple. You have a solid foundation and know what it's like to succeed. That's a lot more than far too many other sapients get. Now you need to learn that you can't succeed at everything." Even if he'd been introduced to that a little too early for Anakin's taste.

"It... hurts."

Anakin's mirth faded at that. "Yeah, it does. It never stops hurting. You just get used to it and learn to deal with it better."

Ferus turned to look at him again, this time studying Anakin with a furrowed brow. "You know, you don't seem like you're my age. You seem a lot... older."

Anakin wanted to kick himself, but instead he shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. "I told you, I was a slave. Had to grow up a lot faster than other kids. Most slave kids do." He hoped that would cover it. Apparently, it did, because Ferus nodded a little sadly. No pity though. That was one thing he could count on and appreciate about Ferus.

They sat in silence for several seconds before Anakin decided that enough was enough.

"Come on. We'll go find your master and explain things to him." And if Obi-wan didn't know he'd done something wrong already, Anakin was going to give him a piece of his mind. He may not like Ferus all that much, but he identified with the boy too much to not try and help him out.

Huh. He never thought he'd say that about Ferus Olin.

The dark-haired boy looked at Anakin's hand, contemplating again. Well, at least he wasn't looking at it like it would bite him this time. Then reached out and grabbed it, pulling himself to his feet with Anakin's help.

"Yeah. Um... thanks." He said it awkwardly, like he wasn't used to voicing such things. Anakin just grinned at him.

"No problem."

And surprisingly, really it wasn't.

xXx

They'd just turned down the hall to Ferus' and Obi-wan's apartment when they ran into none other than Obi-wan and Siri. Anakin frowned, wondering if those two had spent so much time around each other the first time around or if that was a new development. Was it a good thing? He wasn't entirely sure...

Obi-wan didn't have eyes for anyone other than his padawan, though.

"Ferus," he said, blinking and taking a step back. Then he breathed out, relieved. "There you are. I'm glad we found you. I..." he glanced over at Siri, who raised an eyebrow at him and nodded, motioning him on. "I... well, I owe you an apology."

Ferus seemed taken back and Anakin felt his own eyebrows approach his hairline. This was new.

"I've been talking to Siri who helped me realize that the lesson I was trying to help you learn... it wasn't appropriate for your skill and mental development right now. You're so mature I thought that it... would be a good lesson for you. I was obviously wrong and I am sorry."

Anakin looked away from them for a moment. Obi-wan had apologized to him, but rarely. And, despite knowing that he needed to move past it, he still felt resentment towards the fact that no one had butted in for him like this when he didn't understand something.

Still, seeing Ferus relax and perk up as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders did feel... good. It still hurt because it was Ferus there, and not Anakin, but knowing that he'd helped Obi-wan by helping his padawan seemed to lift some of Anakin's own emotional burden. Not all of it – not even close – but he'd take what he could get at this point.

"I... have been talking with Initiate Skywalker, too. He... helped me understand some of your... perspective. I know you were just trying to help me. But, Master," he paused and took a deep breath, then said quickly, as if trying to get it all out, "that doesn't make it right."

Another pause. Then a soft sigh. "No, no it doesn't. I am going to be going over some of my training methods with Siri, here, and likely Master Yoda or another Master. I... would also like to prepare for a _real_ training outing – one that's more traditional and focused on us learning each other's styles and fighting abilities. It won't be for a little while so we can prepare for it, but we'll only go if that is alright with you."

Ferus had stiffened at the idea of the training outing, but he relaxed again when Obi-wan explained.

"I... I think I would like that," the dark-haired boy said softly. "I'm... sorry I'm not strong enough for your more advanced lessons yet."

"That isn't it at all!" Obi-wan protested at the same time Siri said: "You _are_ strong!"

They exchanged glances and Siri backed away, looking apologetic. Obi-wan just looked grateful for the reinforcement. Then he turned back to Ferus.

"It isn't that you aren't strong, Ferus, but that you're a learner and it is unreasonable – unhealthy even – to expect more." Anakin would bet credits that he'd gotten that from Siri who had gotten that from Master Xio (who would never admit that she'd likely gotten it from Girth). "Your life is like a building, and the stability of the higher, more advanced floors are dependent on the lower, more basic floors. I tried to have you build a level 70 floor, when you're only on level 50 or so. It was entirely my fault, not yours."

Funny, Obi-wan hadn't used metaphors like that with Anakin. Maybe because Anakin liked to take those metaphors and pick them apart to try and prove the original point wrong. He didn't do well with allegories and such, being a more hands-on person who had to learn by experience.

"You're actually very advanced for your age," Obi-wan said with a growing smile on his face.

Ferus scoffed and glanced at Anakin. "Then why can't I win a lightsaber fight against an initiate?"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "You also don't spend every free moment you can practicing with a lightsaber. And likely for good reason. You don't _want_ to be as paranoid as I am."

"Besides, he usually fights against me," Siri said, looking more amused than anything, although Anakin could tell (likely through their bond) that all of her worry hadn't been alleviated. "And, even though he's an initiate, he's on a Senior Padawan level at least." Actually, it was probably much closer to senior knight level... but that would be his instincts and reflexes finally adjusting to Anakin's new body. He hadn't ever really lost his battle senses, even if they'd gotten rusty, and it did give him an edge over the other initiates and padawans.

"A lot of that is due to my background and the fact that I used to have to fight to survive," the former slave pointed out.

"In any case," Obi-wan said, a little annoyed that they'd gotten off topic, "I promise you're advanced for your age. And even if you weren't you need to grow at your own speed. I thought I was pushing you, but I was rushing you. I will try to not be so harsh in the future."

"You also can't just tell him what's wrong," Anakin heard himself speak up and had to force himself to not cringe when all the attention turned to him again. "I mean, I get that he has to know what's wrong to work on it and improve, but you also have to tell him what he did _right_ , because that's just as important."

He wanted to take it all back with how much Ferus seemed to be blushing in embarrassment and how Siri had put her face in her hand. Yeah... Anakin should have kept his mouth shut. Blast it. He never had been good at tact.

Still, Obi-wan – being Obi-wan – took the criticism with grace and nodded. "I'll... keep that in mind."

He looked between Anakin and Ferus as if he'd just realized something, one eyebrow raised in surprise. "I didn't know the two of you knew each other."

"Our clans had common time together for the last couple of months before he became a padawan," Anakin answered truthfully.

"I... see," Obi-wan said. Ferus just nodded in agreement, still looking embarrassed, but far more relaxed than he had earlier.

"Well, I'll take Anakin back to his clan now. Good night, Obi-wan. Ferus," Siri cut in, bustling forward and ushering the initiate down the hall.

"Oh, yes. Good night Siri, Anakin," Obi-wan called after them, sounding a bit surprised (and was that disappointment?).

"Good night," Ferus repeated.

"Come on," Siri said as she set a brisk pace down the hall.

Anakin looked back at Obi-wan, who was talking with Ferus some more. Then he looked up at Siri. "Wait, was that why you left practice? To go and meet him?"

Was it just him, or was there a faint blush on her cheeks.

"Hurry up," was all she said.

Anakin looked back at Obi-wan one final time before they turned the corner. Then a particularly large grin found its way onto his face. Oh, that was _priceless_. So she and Obi-wan were more or less an item? Very hush-hush, of course, but still. He decided not to press it right now, no... he'd have to wait for the perfect moment. But somehow, that knowledge lifted his own heart just a little.

He didn't say anything until he bid her goodnight when she dropped him off.

xXx

Jango Fett ignored the sweat dripping down his back as he looked through his binoculars at the farm in the distance. Yes, it looked like the family was coming in for the night. Now was the perfect time to implement his plan.

Turning, he quickly hurried down the rocky slope towards the crash at the bottom. That had been fun, sending the hunk of junk he'd bought specifically for this into a large, fairly sheer rock. It was even smoking a bit. Now he just needed to send up some flares. If he attracted some Tuskans, all the better for his story.

He pointed the gun towards the darkening sky and pulled the trigger. The flare shot into the sky and exploded in a show of lights. He'd wait ten or so minutes and send up another one. He also activated his distress beacon.

Then he set to keeping a lookout for the locals.

None of the Tuskans came, unfortunately, but he'd deal.

About half an hour later, he heard the sound of an engine and smiled. Then he got down behind the wreck with his guns out. Three people in an old speeder came over the ledge and, once they spotted him, slowed to a stop several feet away. The youngest, a boy, hopped out of the speeder first, looking towards him warily. The other two got out more slowly. The woman joined the boy as the man stepped forward cautiously. Not cautiously enough. If Jango had wanted to, he could have shot the guy dead at least three times by now. At least the farmer was armed.

"Hello?" he called out in basic.

Jango peeked over the top of the crash. "Who are you?" he asked.

The guy held up his hands in a show of peace. Were all farmers like this? "My name is Cleigg Lars," he said. "Were you the one who shot the flares?"

"So what if I am?" Jango asked.

"We're farmers who live near here, friend, and it looks like you might need a little help."

Jango didn't answer. This was too easy.

"What happened?" Cleigg asked, obviously wanting to keep him talking.

"I'm a bounty hunter," he finally said, because the best lies had a lot of truth in them. "I heard about some... bounty out this way, but ran into some of the locals. They damaged my speeder, but I managed to get away. Lost control of it when it over-heated."

"And then you decided to send up flares?"

Jango shrugged, even though Cliegg could barely see him. "If I gotta go out, I'd rather go out fighting. But I figured _someone_ might see the emergency signal. Then I'd at least have a fighting chance."

"I see. Who... was your bounty?"

So he wasn't stupid. Of course, one didn't survive on a planet like Tatooine for long if they were stupid.

"Another bounty hunter named Tam. Doesn't really matter. They're probably long gone by now." He injected as much annoyance and frustration into his voice as he could. It should sell the lie.

"I see. Well, our farm is near here. I can offer you a ride in the morning. Can take you as far as Anchorhead if you would like. Can't go tonight unless we want to run into more Tuskan Raiders."

Jango paused. "You... would trust me?" He didn't have to fake his skepticism.

"Well, we can offer you dinner and a place to sleep, but it's in one of our sheds. And we'll have to lock you in for the night. For your own safety as well as ours. I can guarantee you that it'll be better than staying out here all night."

Psh, if Jango really wanted, he could escape anything these back-water people could cook up. But he appreciated their hospitality, and the fact that they weren't being stupid about it.

"All... right," he said, slowly standing up and raising his own hands to either side. Then he walked around the crash cautiously.

"I'd have your name, friend," Cleigg said as he came forward.

"Jango Fett."

"Jango. You're lucky you crashed around here. Another league in either direction, and we wouldn't have seen you."

The bounty hunter snorted. "I just went through one of the most unlucky sequences in my life, and you call it lucky?"

"Well," Cleigg said with a shrug, "you'll live through it."

A pause. "Point," he said, making a show of putting his blaster away and holding his hand out. Cleigg took it and shook it firmly. So he knew some Republic traditions. Although Jango would bet he was just as well versed in Hutt-space traditions too.

"We'd best get inside. Once first sunset passes, the Tuskans will be out in full force. If there are any near here..." he faded off.

"Right," Jango said with a nod. "Lead the way."

"This is my wife, Shmi, and my son, Owen," Cleigg introduced as they strode back to the car. "Why don't you sit up front?" So the other two could keep an eye on him. Jango could get to like this man.

"It is a pleasure to meet you both," Jango said with a nod of his head.

"Shmi, Owen, this is Jango Fett."

"Pleasure," they both returned with nods of their own. He noted the blasters in holsters on each of their hips.

Funny, of the three of them, the woman seemed the most wary. She also happened to be his target. How interesting.

"Well, we should get going. Is there anything in the crash you need?"

Jango shook his head. "No. I already got everything. If you want to look it over for scrap, it's all yours."

Well, if they managed to get to it before the Jawas did.

"Thank you, friend," Cliegg said with a smile that was just a little too bright. He knew that they didn't have time now and that if other scavengers got here first, there wouldn't be much left. Well, Jango was planning on paying them a bit anyway. Just in case he had to come back, he wanted to be on good terms with them.

They all got into the speeder and immediately started off over the desert, back the way the speeder had come. Good, maybe now Jango would get some answers.

xXx

A note about Shmi since a lot of people were asking: She isn't an actual bounty, more of a personal project. Jango wants to know how she's connected to Luke Lars and the Jedi (since he knows there's a connection) and he's bound and determined to find out. He's not the type to just leave well enough alone if he isn't forced to. If you want more information or a refresher, check out the beginning scene of Chapter 3. Basically, he wants his answers and since he now has the Clone project he's technically a part of, and the children are too young to really train, he has the time to follow those answers.

Oh, and thanks again to Khalthar and Carradee! You guys are always so helpful!


	10. Chapter 10

AN: There will be some important notes at the end regarding the last couple of chapters. FYI

xXx

Anakin sat down in the armchair across from Girth and looked over the confections he'd brought for Anakin to try this time. They were cookies. Very nicely decorated cookies.

"You know, you do not have to bring such... extravagant food to my sessions. I have never particularly cared as to whether what I put in my mouth looks pleasing or not." Came from living as a slave where you were lucky to get all the food you needed, to living as a Jedi where you got all the food you needed but little else, and then living as a cripple who could only eat through tubes. If it tasted good, he was fine. It could look terrible for all he cared.

Girth raised an eyebrow and smirked a little. "You find these look pleasing, then?"

Anakin shot him a dry, if fond, look. "Not particularly."

The mind-healer snickered a little. It sounded like chittering coming from the rodent-like being. "Do you like the taste of them?" he asked.

The former Sith looked down at the cookie he'd picked up, then raised it to his lips and bit down on it. "I find very few things unappealing," he confessed once he'd swallowed.

"Good," Girth responded with a smile. "I actually have an accord with a local bakery. They give me a good discount on some very high-end products."

"I see," Anakin replied. "If these are easier, then I suppose I have no problem."

"Alright. Let me know if you want something different, though."

Anakin nodded, but doubted he'd really ever have an issue. The initiates didn't often get sweets, but they had a rather large spread to choose from otherwise. Truthfully, the sweets here worked out just fine for him. He just hadn't wanted Girth to go out of his way to get things that were more expensive when Anakin was honestly just fine with nothing too. Whatever the drall brought didn't have to be works of art to please the initiate.

"So... about last week..." Girth said cautiously.

The former Sith sighed and launched right into it. He went over what had happened, what he'd royally kriffed up on, what had worked to help calm him down, what he'd forgotten, etc.

"Hmm," the mind-healer said once Anakin had finished. "It sounds like it was difficult, but it also sounds like you did a lot right. I mean, he didn't seem to really suspect anything, did he?"

"I honestly don't know," the initiate responded with a shake of his head. "I'd like to think not, but I'm not that naive."

"Still, you should focus just as much on what you did well as what you can improve on. You didn't outright give yourself away and you didn't fall apart in front of him. From what I understand, you actually held it together really well. That is to be commended. Not everyone can face their abuser with such aplomb."

Anakin snorted. "It doesn't feel as if I had much 'aplomb'." Still, hadn't he just told Obi-wan the same thing? That he needed to focus on the good as well as the bad? It was just… it really didn't feel as if he'd done anything right. This wasn't a padawan and his well-meaning master, this was _Palpatine_. Anakin _had_ to be hard on himself because they couldn't afford mistakes.

Girth shook his head. "But you did. Perhaps your performance wasn't perfect, and perhaps some things will come back to bite us later, but for _now_ , you did better than you thought you could and better than a lot of people do when facing their abusers."

"Most people who face their abusers have both parties on the same page with the similar amounts of information and memories," Anakin pointed out.

The drall sighed. "Perhaps, but you still faced him, and you still did so with calmness on the exterior, if not the interior. You did what you felt you had to, and that is nothing to scoff at, Anakin."

He was feeling a little uncomfortable with all the praise the other was heaping on him. Anakin always hated getting praised for something that he didn't feel he deserved. Of course, he hadn't felt like he deserved much praise since he'd fallen. Was that something else Palpatine had taken from him? The ability to actually feel pride in himself instead of just relief that he'd finally avoided screwing up altogether? Not that Vader had let that insecurity show either, but now that he thought about it... As Vader, if something succeeded, then it was business as usual. If something failed, then he was a failure and needed to fix it. There was no 'well done', even if the Emperor had spoken those words. 'Well done' meant he wouldn't get tortured or degraded or leashed in some way.

He hadn't grown up like that. His mother had heaped praise on him when he'd done something well. Obi-wan's praise had been much sparser, but it had still been there. He could remember a couple of times... although not much else. Certainly nowhere near as much as his mother. Was that where this mind-set had started?

Maybe he needed to change it. And maybe he could start by accepting that Girth might have a point...

"Thank you," he heard himself say, and it somehow felt just as hard as learning to express his emotions.

"You are welcome, Anakin. I would not speak so if I did not mean it."

"I know." He refrained from flinching away from the idea that Palpatine had been an abuser. He'd asked Girth not to call him that, but the mind-healer had very gently refused, stating that it was truth, and needed to be stated so. Avoiding it wouldn't change that fact. Anakin could see where he was coming from, so he'd dropped it, but it still made him a little uncomfortable. It was getting better, though.

"Well, you've gone over what happened last week, and you seem to be handling it well. Are you having any problems because of this?"

Anakin shifted a little. "Well, I did have some pretty bad nightmares." Although, none as bad as the first one that night Ahsoka had come for him.

Girth seemed to slump a little, his ears drooping. "I was afraid of that. It was one of the reasons why I was against this. You're opening up your psyche to some pretty deep trauma that you may not be ready for.

"But," he raised a paw to forestall Anakin's protest, "as you said, you may never be entirely "ready" for it, so I understand. Fortunately, you're doing what you need to treat your nightmares. Therapy and talking about them, trying to understand why your psyche is bringing them up, can help you understand more about yourself. Would... you like to share your dreams?"

Anakin felt himself shut down because no, he really didn't want to talk about those nightmares. He'd have to explain an awful lot that he'd prefer to never even think about again... but then, that was likely part of the issue. He'd come to realize that ignoring his problems wouldn't help... and he was definitely trying to ignore these now. He couldn't _afford_ to keep doing that, not with Palpatine and his machinations to 'look forward' to.

"No," he said emotionlessly. "But I will."

"Only if you feel you can," Girth said quickly.

Anakin took a deep, calming breath and tried to release all of his anger and fear and worry to the Force. "I... will likely have to if I am to continue to... face _him_."

The drall didn't look terribly convinced, but he did motion for Anakin to continue. "If you're sure..."

The former Sith forced himself to think back on what he could remember of the dream. "To start, I was walking down the halls of the Death Star—"

"The what?" Girth asked, sounding alarmed. Whatever he was thinking, it wasn't bad enough.

Anakin sighed. This would take some explaining. "In the future, the Emperor commissioned a battle station. Initial specs had it larger than some major moons. Eventually it was cut back to the size of a small moon."

Girth's eyes went wide. "A _movable_ battle station that large?"

Anakin nodded. "It... could destroy an entire planet." The flesh on Girth's lips lightened, signifying the drall had just gone pale. Anakin decided that he needed to drive the point home and that yes, this was an operational station. "I watched it destroy Alderaan myself."

The mind-healer swallowed and looked away as he tried to wrap his head around that. Meanwhile, Anakin tried very hard not to remember how he'd held the Princess – his own _daughter –_ back while she watched her entire world explode.

Perhaps that was why she'd been in the dream on the Death Star? How nice of his subconscious.

"In any case, I was my current age," Anakin went on, "but was wearing the suit."

"The life-support suit you told us about?" Girth asked.

Anakin gave a single nod of affirmation. "That suit... it defined me. It kept me alive, but kept me a slave to the Emperor. I doubt there was a single sapient being who did not know it by sight or by sound."

"Sound?" the drall seemed to be regaining his composure rather quickly. Impressive. Although, he'd come to expect such from his mind-healers.

"Yes. My respirator gave off a very... unique sound."

"I see," Girth said, then sat back, waiting for Anakin to go on. He also reached over and picked up a datapad from the table at his side.

Anakin watched him for a moment before going on. "I... have never been that size in my dreams before while wearing it." Girth glanced up and nodded at Anakin to show he was still listening.

"I was following one of the Grand Moffs. He was initially in charge of the Death Star."

Girth cocked his head to one side. "Why him and not you? Weren't you second-in-command?"

It had been a sore point that the Emperor had given control of the station to Tarkin over Vader. Anakin hated that that fact still bothered him. He understood why everything had worked out that way, but it still annoyed him. Just as the Emperor had wanted it to, undoubtedly.

"I had made my general... distaste for the project rather well known. Thus, he was to be in charge of the station, and I was to answer to him." That, and he'd let the plans for the station get stolen to begin with. It had been a punishment. Pure and simple. "I am sure at least part of the reason the Emperor did that to me because the plans to the Death Star had been stolen under my watch."

"He punished you like that often?"

Anakin looked to the side. "When I was lucky."

More silence and the former Sith decided to continue. "In any case, in the dream, we in turn were followed by a host of... the undead. I recognized them as people I had... killed."

Girth frowned. "You haven't spoken much of what you were forced to do under that man." What he'd been forced to do... what he'd chosen to do... what had happened... and he had to go through it? Anakin swallowed and realized that the mind-healer had been right. He hadn't been ready for this. He still wasn't. He probably never would be. Seemed to be a recurring theme in his life.

Still, Anakin scoffed at the comment, deciding to set the drall straight. "I chose to do just as much as I was forced to do. Do not delude yourself. I was not a good person, and while some of it came about because I was tricked and groomed, I still chose. In the end, I knew the right choice, and I chose the opposite anyway. I chose to kill the Jedi. All the Jedi... even the..." he stopped for a moment, gathered himself as best he could and finished the sentence. "Even the younglings. They were... leading the hoard of the dead."

The mind-healer just stared at him for several seconds.

"Do... they appear in your nightmares often?"

Anakin looked straight at him. "Yes."

"Do you regret your actions?"

The former Sith took a deep, slow breath again. "It... took me a long time to admit to myself that I regretted my actions from the very moment I took them."

"That is a good sign, Anakin."

He shook his head. "Regret or not, I still did it. I took those innocent lives who trusted me and..." His voice cut off, strangled.

 _Master Skywalker... what do we do?_

Gah! Hadn't he gotten over this?!

Ha! Who was he kidding. You don't just get over something like that. You don't just get over being a monster. Once a monster always a monster. Once a killer, always a killer. Once a Sith—

"Anakin!"

Girth was standing right in front of him. Not touching him, not even very close (smart drall), but Anakin still found himself jumping and only barely stopped himself from throwing out a Force push.

"Listen to me, okay? This is part of learning how to heal," Girth said softly, sadly. "You have to learn to recognize when you will just push yourself too hard and go too far. If this is too much for you, _that's okay_. Not everyone can be strong all the time, and expecting you to be so is not only ridiculous but unhealthy. Sometimes it's after you've broken down that you can rebuild yourself better and stronger. Once you realize that you've made terrible choices and you vow to never make those choices again, that is when you will find your truest strength.

"It doesn't come all at once, and so if you can't go over something because you are not strong enough right now, _tell me, please_. I won't think less of you if you can't handle something."

Anakin swallowed and shrunk back a little. Girth was treating him far better than he should. More than a monster like him...

"I deserve it," he heard himself say. He felt sick remembering the eyes of those children, screaming and horrified and betrayed and so, _so_ disappointed. He remembered the lights fading out of those eyes. He was rubbing his hands on his pants and shirt, trying to get the smell off of him, but he still could sense it – the scent of burnt skin...

"Anakin!" Girth said again, firmer but just as gentle somehow. His paws were on the arms of the chair. "You've hurt yourself enough over this."

He shook his head. "There _is_ no enough! They trusted me – they _knew_ me – and I still slaughtered them _in cold blood._ I took my lightsaber and..." His voice cut off again. Then he was leaning over the edge of the chair before he knew it, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the ground. He hadn't really revisited that memory since he'd come back in time. He'd remembered, and he knew, he hadn't _blocked_ it, per se, but he hadn't _gone through_ it. For good reason.

 _How can they forgive you?_

Sidious' voice rang through his mind.

A soft, tentative paw was rubbing circles on his back. He didn't want to be touched – didn't want to hurt the one who would risk touching him. Part of him wanted to lash out, because old habits died hard, but he refrained because he craved it too; the comfort. He craved something he did not deserve and should not receive.

Girth spoke again, almost in a whisper, as if speaking any louder would hurt Anakin. He wasn't entirely incorrect. "I'm not going to lie, Anakin. What you did was horrible. Beyond horrible. It was a despicable act."

Well, at least he'd finally realized the truth.

"That doesn't eliminate your own self worth."

He was still shaking and clinging to the side of the chair like his life depended on it, but he managed to look over at Girth. "What?" he asked.

"All life has worth. Even those who do the most horrendous things. All souls are precious."

That... made no sense. "I... take it you don't believe in capital punishment." Anakin couldn't accept that because Palpatine was too dangerous to live.

Girth sighed. "I... didn't used to. But now, yes, actually, I do. In extreme cases only. If it is ruled by one who has the authority to do so that a murderer is too dangerous, either to themselves or to others, to live free – or if their network would mean they're too dangerous to even live captive, and if their crimes are particularly heinous, then I will – very reluctantly – agree. I hate it. I despise it. But, sometimes, it has to happen. That doesn't mean they don't have worth, and I will try to their – or my – dying breath to help them find that worth if I think I have even a chance.

"But back to the matter at hand, Anakin, you are a good person who has made some monumentally bad decisions. Do you know why those decisions hurt you?"

Anakin frowned. "Yes..."

"Would you ever hurt those children again?"

He felt mortified. He'd barely survived doing that once. The idea of even attempting it a second time made him want to sick up again. "Never," he hissed, ignoring how his shaking increased. Then he took a deep breath, struggling to release his negative emotions – there were so many of them – to the Force.

"Then you understand something that few people will ever truly grasp: the weight of depravity. You know what it does to the soul, how it weighs down and tears down and what kind of damage it does to the offender."

Anakin just blinked at him for several seconds, feeling the truth of that down to his very core. "Far more than the act of being murdered can ever do to the victims." Which really said so much...

Girth nodded, still smiling sadly. "Exactly."

Silence between them for several seconds as Anakin slowly felt himself calm. "I... wish I had never learned that lesson, valuable as it may be."

The drall nodded in agreement. "I wish you hadn't as well. I wish no one had to learn that, not in the least because it is a difficult lesson to grasp, not just hard to swallow."

"Something that only monsters will understand."

"No," Girth's voice caused him to look over at the rodent again. His nose twitched in agitation. "It is something no true 'monster' can ever understand. They don't have the capacity or the strength to do so. If you understand it, then you are not a monster," his voice quieted again, "even if you've done monstrous things."

And he had. He'd done monstrous things. He'd actively tried to become a monster in the truest sense of the word.

But he did understand. He could grasp how horrible his actions had been. He could understand that he'd never fully heal because of it. It would always stain his soul... It could destroy him if he let it – it almost had. If not for Luke...

Luke, who _somehow_ believed in him still. Who always had and always would, despite the fact that he didn't exist in this universe.

He felt tears come to his eyes and tried to hold them back, but they wouldn't stay. He couldn't keep them in. It felt like an overflowing dam about to burst inside of him, in more ways than one.

He wasn't a monster. He'd almost become one, but he wasn't. And that... that made him feel freer than anything else ever could. Not knowing what else to do, he leaned forward and rested his head on the drall's shoulder.

Then he cried. He cried in mourning for the children – for all their lost potential and their lost days and their lost joys and their lost choices. He cried for all they had been robbed of. He mourned for the other Jedi, shot down and betrayed by those they trusted most – framed and coerced and corralled into corners they had no idea how to get themselves out of. They hadn't been perfect. Some of them hadn't even been truly good, but they'd had their own worth and he'd taken it from them. So he mourned.

He mourned for the clones who had done the betraying, but had literally had no choice in the matter. Slaves until the end.

He mourned for himself – for the shining beacon he could have been had he just learned to _let go_. Had he learned how to not be a slave. Had he learned and realized and understood what the price for his power had really been. Had he just trusted the right person instead of the wrong person. He could have been great, but that was gone, stolen from him, and he mourned.

He even mourned for Palpatine, not because he deserved it – he still didn't – but because of what he _could_ have been. The lives he could have saved and improved – the good he could have spread had he so chosen to do so. The loss would be felt for generations.

He mourned for Padmé, who had her own vices and dangerous attractions, but who was still so pure and strong. He mourned for the woman who could honestly and truly rise above the evil of the universe and not let it drag her down. A woman who had been the epitome of what a good person was; who had been his anchor and he'd known it. He'd been set adrift when he'd lost her.

He mourned for his children and the lost days he could have – _should_ have – had with them. All of those times he could have told them how proud he was of them or how much he loved them that had never happened – would never happen (which was somehow even sadder).

He mourned for all of the love and happiness lost through his choices.

It _hurt_. So much... and yet, it was a different kind of pain. Like something had been shoved in his soul and left to rot and fester, and he'd just reached in and torn it out, let all of the built up fluid and pus bleed away, leaving the hole open and gaping, but _cleaner_ than it had been for more than two decades. It hurt... but it also felt good.

He didn't realize that he and Girth both received three separate calls; one from Siri, Yoda and Obi-wan respectively. Yoda called on behalf of the crèche, where a young Togruta had suddenly broken down crying and couldn't seem to stop. Obi-wan called because he got the feeling Anakin was hurting right now and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help. Siri's only said seven words: "What do you need me to do?"

From the look on his face, Girth hadn't known now to respond because he hadn't known what Anakin would be alright with sharing. Instead, he'd sat there, patting the poor boy who was also a man who was also a murderer on the back while said boy allowed himself to feel the depths of his sorrow for the first time in almost a quarter of a century. There was a lot to let out.

Anakin didn't know how long he sat there, crying. All he really knew was that when he was done, he felt wrung out and gritty – like he'd been left in a proverbial sandstorm overnight. He felt rough and old and worn, but he also felt lighter than he ever thought he would.

Than he ever thought he should.

But wasn't that the point?

He finally lifted his head, feeling more than a little embarrassed and very childish – silly child body – but he felt... stronger somehow. He knew it wasn't some sort of miracle breakthrough, and it would take time to really rebuild, but now he felt he _could_.

It was a good feeling.

"Better?" Girth asked.

Anakin sent him a watery smile and nodded.

"I think that you've had enough for one day. Do you think you'll be able to handle the Senate tomorrow? It won't be difficult to falsify your illness for a day if not."

Part of Anakin still wanted to say 'yes', that he could handle it. But he'd just seen what happened when he pushed himself too hard and too far and was all too aware that right now, really _couldn't_ handle it. Admitting that he couldn't didn't do any favors for his pride, but he couldn't afford to baby his pride. If he walked into that Senate tomorrow, he'd very likely collapse, and he couldn't do that.

Saying it aloud was even harder.

So he didn't. He just shook his head. Girth put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm proud of you, Anakin. So very proud."

He didn't feel like someone who anyone should be proud of. He felt weak and vulnerable... but still stronger than he had been before, somehow.

It was a strange dichotomy.

He was seeing a recurring theme there too. Was all healing some kind of dichotomy? Or maybe just the acknowledgment of the conflicts within oneself?

"We'll call in to the Senate and apologize. Let him know that you came down with a bug and we're treating you. You may have to stay in the hospital wing overnight, though. Is that alright?"

If it meant he didn't have to go back to face Sidious, absolutely. So he nodded.

"Would you like me to call Siri? She can help you get checked into the wing."

He thought about it for a moment, realized that he really would like her company right about now and nodded again.

"Alright. Here," he handed Anakin a cookie. "I think you might need this."

He didn't laugh – he still felt too fragile to even try, but he did manage a smile as he took it with a nod of his head and bit into it while Girth sent a comm call.

"She's on her way. I'm guessing you're not up to talking?"

Anakin shook his head.

"Okay," Girth said softly. "Do you mind if I write a few more notes while this is still fresh on my mind and update Master Xio as to what happened this session?"

The former Sith paused in his chewing and thought about that. Then he shook his head.

"No, you don't mind?"

He shook his head again.

"Would you like me to sit near you or away?"

Anakin looked down. He didn't know why, but he felt that if he opened his mouth, the tentative calm he'd somehow managed to find would burst apart, and he wasn't ready to face that just yet.

"Near you?" Girth must have sensed that, because he was asking 'yes' or 'no' questions, thankfully.

The initiate nodded. That would be difficult, though, because while he didn't fill out the entire armchair, there certainly wasn't enough space for himself and the drall to fit comfortably. He went to get up, because while he didn't really want to move, he wanted the closer contact. He could sit on the floor while Girth took the chair.

"No, no, don't get up," the mind-healer said, holding out a paw. "I don't mind sitting on the ground. It's actually very comfortable for me."

Anakin frowned.

"I promise I'm not exaggerating. Drall rarely have furniture to sit on in our homes. Even the elderly tend to prefer the ground."

The former Sith's frown didn't lessen any, but he did sit back in the chair again, nursing what was left of his cookie. The drall came and sat in front of the chair. Anakin felt himself relaxing against the soft fabric of the furniture piece.

He wouldn't have to go see Sidious tomorrow. He wouldn't have to uphold his facade and try to pretend he was stronger than he could ever truly be. Just for a little while, he could look at the broken remains of his life not try to force it into a shape of some kind - he could let it be.

For the next several minutes he just sat there, contentedly in quiet, while waiting for Siri.

xXx

Sheev Palpatine stood staring out the window and into the Coruscant evening. He had the evening off, and had initially meant to go train, but then he'd gotten the vision. It had been vague, but without question, there.

 _A room, round and dark, but somehow out of focus. Children, speaking, even if he couldn't quite make them out – either their words or their faces. But they trusted the figure from whom the vision stemmed._

 _And then a lightsaber – a_ blue _lightsaber – ignited. The blade flashed again and again as the children, now trying to get away – running in fear to no avail as they were cut down in cold blood. Then, the figure turned and left their cooling bodies behind._

It hadn't been Palpatine in the vision, and the whole thing had seemed to come to him as if through the Force's equivalent of static.

He didn't know who it was, although he suspected Vader. That felt right, but made little sense. Why would he get something like that from Vader? Was it a vision? A memory? It felt like a memory.

But that, too, made no sense because the children had most definitely been Jedi. As much as that pleased him, he knew that no single Jedi had fallen to a point where they would have killed those younglings without the rest of the galaxy knowing. The most logical conclusion was that it had to be a vision of events yet to take place.

Or it was a memory of the distant past.

That theory was looking more and more likely.

A Sith displaced in time should not be difficult to find... and yet, he was almost _impossible_ to track down.

Had techniques that kept one hidden been lost to the modern Sith? With the rule of two, it wasn't that unlikely. How frustrating. Especially because he couldn't seem to track down a single Sith in history who fit the bill who wasn't accounted for.

Maybe he needed to send Dooku to check on those remains that did fit the bill – once the man fell, of course. Because that was only a matter of time.

But there was still something off here. Something he was missing... and he _hated_ missing things. It happened so rarely these days. If only the vision/memory had been clearer. If only he could have seen the room more clearly, or even the children's faces. If only he could have heard what they said when they spoke to the figure with such trust...

He would have to go back through the Sith artifacts and archives and look for a techniques that would explain this – that would answer questions instead of bringing more up.

And he would find them.

After all, he was Darth Sidious, and Darth Sidious doesn't lose.

AN: A couple of things: People wanted to know why Shmi was being targeted by Fett in the last chapter. She isn't an actual bounty, more of a personal project. Jango wants to know how she's connected to Luke Lars and the Jedi and he's bound and determined to find out. He's not the type to just leave well enough alone if he isn't forced to. If you want more information or a refresher, check out the beginning scene of Chapter 3. Basically, he wants his answers and since he now has the Clone project he's technically a part of, and the children are too young to really train, he has the time to follow them

Also, some people were saying that Anakin never met Jango, so why would he want Jango of all people? A. He knew the clones. He put his lives in their hands almost every day during the clone wars. B. He knew Boba. No, that doesn't mean he knew Jango, but it gives him a very good idea as to what Jango would do. He wanted a Fett for this job because he knew he could trust the true Mandalor (yes, I know that's spelled wrong, I was sick when I wrote this, deal please).

As always, thank you SO MUCH to my amazing Beta Readers, Khalthar and Carradee. You guys are amazing!


	11. Chapter 11

Count Dooku watched as his friend's body burned. He'd sent word back to the Temple via a network he'd set up years ago, so there would at least be record of Syfo's death. Now, all he could do was bear witness of the Jedi Master's passing. The former Jedi clutched Qui-gon's rock in one hand and just looked on, letting the flames overtake his vision. The darkness of Serenno's beautiful forest grew around him, the noises of the evening rising and falling like a symphony of sorrow.

He'd gone over everything that had happened again... and had come to one major conclusion – Palpatine was more involved in this than he wanted Dooku to know about. It wasn't terribly surprising, but it was rather terrifying. He had no proof, only his gut to tell him that something wasn't what it seemed here. Not with how the dark side worked according to Lars. Not with how neatly the Count had been set up to find Syfo... and he had been set up. He could see it now. It was just too coincidental, too convenient and too vague to be anything other than a planned occurrence.

And if Palpatine could plan this far ahead...

Dooku could see the writing on the wall. He'd Fall. There was no way around it now. Not unless he was willing to fake his own death and just get out of all of it... and he wasn't. He couldn't. In all honesty, he could see himself Falling after abandoning his self-appointed task just as easily as if he stayed. But, while he'd resisted so far, if he remained, well, Palpatine had something else set up – probably several things, and there really was only so much Dooku could do to fight it. He was already losing... he could feel it.

So he had two choices: he could resist it and crash down _hard_... or he could embrace it and see if he could control it somehow.

A controlled Fall... was that even possible?

In the morning, he'd send out his request and beg for help if he had to, because it was a matter of his pride and his soul in exchange for the rest of the universe. And he knew what he would choose... what he'd already chosen.

Taking a deep breath, he walked up to the pyre, watching the dying embers as the hastily gathered wood crumbled and fell.

"I will do it, my friend. I will save the universe... or as much of it as I can. I will not let your sacrifice go to waste. I am just... sorry," if his voice cracked a little, there was no one around to hear it, "you got dragged into the middle of this. I will miss you, my friend."

He placed the flowers he'd had in the hand not clutching Qui-gon's rock on the pyre. It was a local custom to honor the dead, and one he found very fitting.

For a moment, he almost felt as if Syfo's hand rested on his shoulder and he closed his eyes, thanking his friend before bidding him goodbye. Then he nodded to the two people standing at the edge of the clearing. Servants of his household who would take care of the fire, see that it got properly extinguished and buried.

Then he turned to head back to his mansion. He had a lot to prepare before he returned to Coruscant.

xXx

Anakin spent the night in the healer's wing, and honestly, he wasn't upset at being there for once. Siri sat with him for a while, just doing some of her own research and work. Anakin made some attempts at classwork, but ended up just lying on the bed, not really seeing anything. Siri didn't speak, but he was grateful for that because he wasn't sure he could bring himself to talk yet.

It had been so simple. Just a little thing (albeit of a very monumental memory). Just a couple of seconds to take him right back almost to where he'd come from. Maybe not anger wise, but depression wise... most definitely.

After dinner, Aakin went back to laying and staring, just letting his mind lethargically come to its own conclusions about everything that had happened, processing and trying to figure out what was and wasn't true.

Not a half-hour later, a padawan healer came in carefully, knocking on the door and peeking in.

"Initiate Skywalker? You have some guests who would like to see you. Are you up for them?"

Anakin blinked at him, wondered if he could speak yet, decided that he probably could but didn't want to, so he looked over to Siri. She got what he'd wanted to ask and nodded to him before turning to the padawan.

"Who is it?" she asked.

The padawan looked a little confused.

"Some of his... er, your fellow initiates."

Anakin appreciated the padawan continuing to try and address him instead of Siri. So he smiled at the padawan, then thought for a few moments. Then he nodded, turning to Siri again.

"As long as it isn't for more than a couple of minutes," she said. "Would you mind coming in and checking after fifteen or twenty minutes and ushering them out if necessary?"

The padawan blinked, looked between the two of them and smiled. "Of course. I'll show them in."

The initiate nodded while Siri said, "Thank you."

As soon as he left, Siri turned to Anakin, expression serious. "Are you sure you're up for this?" she asked.

Anakin opened his mouth, but then closed it and shrugged. _I don't know,_ he thought, hoping that the two of them were close enough that she'd understand through their bond. He'd be lucky if she could really get the nuances at all. He was sure it couldn't happen if she was more than a couple of feet away.

Thankfully, again, she must have gotten the jist, because she sighed. "Anakin, it's okay if you don't want to see them."

He shook his head. _But I do. And I know they worry, and this will help them know I'm alright..._

She didn't look convinced. "You can't even speak to them."

 _I can_ , he protested. She raised a skeptical eyebrow. _I... just don't... I don't know._

She rolled her eyes upwards, as if praying for patience. "Fine, I'll help you out. But you realize this will perpetuate the 'master/padawan' rumor around us."

Anakin actually scoffed. _As if you just being here hasn't done that already._

She conceded the point with a quick tilt of her head and went to put her things away. Anakin thought about asking her what she was doing, but ultimately decided that he didn't really care at the moment.

A couple of minutes later, the door opened and a familiar group of initiates hesitantly walked in, led, of course, by Hik'te. Maelee, as usual, was on his right followed by Tru, Darra, Thorran, Hale and Coira, the only padawan currently (although Anakin gave it a couple of months, maximum, before Tru and Darra were picked) in their little group.

"Anakin!" Hik'te said as he ran up to the bed. Everyone gathered around and Anakin had to back away a little. They were initiates, but there were a lot of them, and for a moment he felt some panic rise.

"Alright," Siri said sternly, "back away, and give him some room." A little shamefaced, they did so, shooting him apologetic glances.

Siri's expression softened and she smiled at them. "I am Knight Siri Tachi, for those of you who don't know." Several of the children looked as if they'd just made a connection. Of course, Anakin made it no secret that he knew this particular knight. This was the first time most of them had met her, though. "Anakin's lost his voice, but we have a communication system going. So, speak to him, and I'll speak for him, alright?"

More than a few pairs of eyes widened, but they nodded obediently.

"So, you're sick?" Coira asked worriedly.

Anakin nodded, although he gave her a significant look.

"He lost his voice while in his healing session today," Siri explained. "He should be getting it back soon, but just in case we're keeping him here tomorrow."

Coira looked relieved and Maelee looked suspicious at that. If the others knew there was something going on between them (likely Hale had noticed) no one said anything.

"Is there anything we can do for you, Ani?" Tru asked. "Get your schoolwork? Get you something you would need to sleep? Anything from your room?"

Anakin thought about that for a moment, then he looked at Siri.

She nodded. "The schoolwork will be great," she said. "His teachers will likely ask you to bring him some things anyway."

"I'll be in charge of that," Maelee said, voice full of cool confidence.

"Other than that, just coming here to visit him helps," Siri said to them, offering them a smile. Anakin did as well, nodding emphatically.

"We were really worried when you didn't come to dinner – this is the second night in a row, and you didn't even text us," Hik'te said, almost reprovingly.

Anakin's smile turned apologetic.

"He didn't mean to make you worry, Hik'te," the knight said.

"Then he should take better care of himself," the blue-skinned boy said back to her.

Siri raised an eyebrow at him before turning her look onto Anakin. "I agree."

Anakin frowned at her. He did not pout. He didn't. The kids did snicker though.

"How about we all try and poke him into taking better care of himself, huh?" Siri asked the initiates.

"Yeah," they said together.

Anakin just sighed. _How is this my life?_ Children _are trying to take care of me. I'd like to remind you that I'm a former Jedi General._

"Oh, you were never that highly ranked and you know it," Siri responded.

The former Sith's eyebrows shot up. Had she just...?

"Ranked in what?" Darra asked curiously.

Siri smiled at her. "Lightsaber training."

Anakin rolled his eyes again. Good save though.

"But I thought he was the best," True said.

"For his age group."

That seemed to work for them as they nodded. Anakin still sent Siri the stink eye. She just shrugged.

 _You're getting reckless again._

"Am I?" she asked aloud. "Master... er, Adi will be happy to hear that."

Before they could do anything else, though, the padawan from before came in. A little earlier than they'd asked, but Anakin was fine with that. "Alright, that's enough for now. Initiate Skywalker needs his rest."

Aw," the initiates (and one padawan) said simultaneously.

"You can come and see him again tomorrow."

They agreed, albeit reluctantly, and Anakin couldn't help but feel a little warmer for their care.

"Night, Ani!" they said as they left.

"See you tomorrow," Coira promised before being herded out the door.

Then he and Siri sat in the suddenly very quiet room – it seemed almost too still after all the hubbub, even if it hadn't been for very long.

"Well," Siri said ruefully, "you seem to have quite the following this time around."

 _They didn't know me as 'The Chosen One' or 'the apprentice to the Sith Killer'. I was just the late-comer. That helped._

Siri frowned. "Was it really that bad, the first time around?"

 _I'd like to say definitively either way, but I'm not sure my memories are... reliable. To be fair, I also had to deal with all the grooming and poisoning from Sidious, plus my duties as a padawan..._

Siri sighed. "You really were just set up for failure, weren't you."

Anakin smiled grimly.

"Anyway, you're supposed to take tomorrow easy."

The former Sith groaned aloud.

"Oh, look! You said something."

Anakin shot her a glare.

She held up her hands. "Sorry, sorry. Do you want me to stay?"

He sighed. _You can if you want, but don't feel obligated._

Siri nodded, studying him for a bit. "How about I go run some errands and come back before bed to check on you?"

Anakin nodded and waved her off with his hand.

"See you in a few," she said as she walked out the door.

xXx

Obi-wan and Ferus stopped by after that. It was awkward, they couldn't seem to understand everything he was saying, though Obi-wan did far better than Ferus. They both wished him well and let him know they were going on a mission and didn't know how long they'd be gone for.

Anakin nodded and thanked them mentally.

"You're welcome," Obi-wan had said as he ushered his padawan out the door. "May the Force be with you."

 _You as well_ , Anakin thought to them, hoping Obi-wan got the gist of it at least. He doubted it would be as clear as it would have been in the other timeline, or even as clear as he and Siri seemed to be able to think when in close enough proximity, but if Obi-wan understood at all, it would be enough.

His last visitor was a very tired, very grumpy torgruta youngling.

"I thought you said you wouldn't do that anymore," she said angrily when her escort, another padawan, showed her in.

He sighed. _Sorry, Snips. I thought I could handle it... and I did, but..._

"It didn't feel like you did," she objected. The escort blinked, having not been privy to his thought-speech. Anakin was a little surprised himself, but figured he shouldn't be once he thought about it.

 _I know. But I promise, I did._

She still frowned at him, huffing as she walked up to his bed and reached for him to help her up. He did so. It took her a few seconds to get situated, but then she sat down in front of him and studied him intensely.

For the first time in a while, she seemed hesitant. "Did... did you really kill them all?" she asked, voice so quiet he could barely hear her.

Anakin's heart stuttered to a stop as he looked into her disappointed, blue eyes.

"You saw that?" he breathed, horrified. And, as he had feared, the tentative, fragile peace he had gained broke that fast. As soon as he spoke, he felt as if he'd shattered yet again.

She bit her lip and nodded.

He found himself scooting away from her desperately, trying not to panic as he backed up against the wall. "How... how can you be near me?" he asked.

"Oh, you're speaking," the padawan at the door said, sounding uncomfortable. "I'll go let the healers know."

Right, just leave the completely unstable kid alone with the five-year-old. Great idea. And yet, he couldn't seem to make himself say anything.

Ahsoka looked confused. "But you won't hurt me. Not like you did them."

Anakin drew his knees up to his chest, still hating his prepubescent body and its ridiculous reactions. Because that's what it had to be. There was no way a grown adult would act like this... right?

He couldn't look at her as he clutched his knees to his chest, trying not to shake and failing miserably.

"But I did," he whispered. "I did... and I... I am _so sorry_ , Ahsoka. I'm a terrible master."

The betrayal in her eyes returned. "You hurt me?" she asked.

Anakin nodded. "That's... that's what the cold does if I don't take care of it. It hurts other people... other people I care for a great deal. And... I cannot apologize enough. I know you can't remember, but if I could take it back, Ahsoka, I would. I _promise_ I would."

She frowned at him, looking at him as if she didn't know what to make of him. He didn't blame her.

But then, she got up and crawled over to him. He blinked.

"Ahsoka... what ar—"

He cut off as she threw her arms around him. "Then I'll keep you warm."

He didn't initially know how to react to that. He sat there in shock before relaxing into the embrace. It felt as if the broken pieces of his soul were softening, melting together and finally beginning to reform again. It wasn't perfect – not even close – but it was better than it had been. Her blind faith in him, her utter belief in him, and even her love for him – he could feel it. She'd adopted him as an older brother and that very realization was a balm to his soul.

Trying not to cry again, he turned and put his arms around her, burying his head into her shoulder.

"Yeah," he whispered, his voice harsh but happier than it had any right to be. "Yeah, you will."

He didn't know if she could, but she was definitely helping.

His life was blessed because he had her in it. This little miracle of a girl. She just patted his back like she'd probably been patted, letting him know it would be alright.

When Siri came back a few moments later, looking worried and confused, she found the two of them like that. It just about melted her heart.

So she took out her comm and snapped a holo-picture really quickly. Then a couple more for good measure.

It wasn't blackmail if she was going to use it to help pull him out of his personal pits.

xXx

He spent the next day wanting to get out of the healer's wing. It was nice to know that things had returned to normal, for the most part. Hik'te and Maelee had dropped off all of his classwork earlier that morning. He finished it quickly and was just about as bored as he possibly could be when Healer Che finally stopped by and brusquely released him. She let him go with a stern warning that if he relapsed, he needed to come back, and if he even _thought_ about skipping out or trying to get through it on his own... She didn't have to finish the sentence.

She could be scarier than Sidious at times.

He thanked her, assured her he would if he did (a lie, no matter how scary she was) and booked it out of there like the Emperor himself was on his tail. His friends seemed awfully glad to see him and he thanked them for all their help and support.

Of course, he sneaked out that night to go racing. He could only take so much calm.

He and Bleersh decided that he should race every circuit that night, seeing as he'd missed so many racing nights recently. Anain had happily agreed, even if he did have to lose a couple to keep people off of his tail.

Getting back to the Temple was no longer an issue, and it didn't look like anyone was after him, so he happily got back to his clan very early in the morning, but seeing as he'd been sleeping on and off all day, he figured there shouldn't be an issue.

He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

xXx

Jango sat on the _Slave I_ and glared at the picture before him. It had not been easy to get the picture without everyone knowing, but he'd managed. It was the picture of a little boy holding a small animal in one hand and a wrench in the other with grease stains all over his face. It was a cute picture of a child about eight standard years old or so. It was also the picture of a boy who had been taken to the Jedi Temple, at an age far older than normal.

No one in the family had heard of a 'Luke Lars', even if their last name was 'Lars'. So what was the connection between Luke Lars and Anakin Skywalker? Shmi had been more than happy to speak of her son. She was proud of him, and while wary of Jango, she also didn't think there could be much harm in a mother being happy for her son. She'd spoken vaguely, but it had been enough. Or it should have... if he could only figure out the blasted connection.

The only thing he could really think of was that Luke Lars knew Anakin Skywalker, and once he'd found out (somehow) that she didn't really want to leave Tatooine, Luke Lars had changed his list. Except, there were too many coincidences. The names, the backgrounds... two former slaves brought in at an age where they were old enough to remember, both related to the 'Lars'...

He just couldn't see how else they could be related. But his gut told him there was _something_ there. Something he was missing.

Frustrated, Jango brought up a picture he'd taken of Luke Lars, sitting at a cafe table and drinking something from under his mask. Then he put the two holopics up next to each other, not knowing what good that would...

Wait.

He enlarged Luke Lars' image. Jango knew of at least four species off the top of his head who had proportions like that... but... what if...

Could it be?

Could it really be?

Would a kid be that intelligent? That cunning? That manipulative?

He looked back and forth between the photos, then let out a string of curses in mando'a.

Shutting off the coms, he set his course for Coruscant. He had a Jedi trainee to confront.

xXx

*AN: I'd like to point out that I haven't seen season 3 or 4 of Rebels. I know Ahsoka survives, but I never quite knew how and just... don't have the time to watch it and figure it out. Sorry. I also think that it lends more credence to Anakin right now if he really did kill her, so think of this as mildly AU.

As a side note, Obi-wan also saw Anakin's memory as a dream... and 'dreams pass'. He really passed it off as a nightmare and didn't think much about it, other than that he found it very disturbing and disquieting.

So, someone complained that the story was dragging. Well, while this should pick up soon, I'll warn you that this work is one of those that has to have everything in place, and once it goes, it'll go fast. The pace isn't going to change any time soon. SorryNotSorry.

I still appreciate the feedback, though. Merry Christmas (or whatever you choose to celebrate, I hope it's great)!

Thank you again to Carradee and Khalthar!


	12. Chapter 12

Master Yaddle had a private lesson with Anakin right before his session with Master Xio the day after he'd initially been scheduled to go back to the senate. She hadn't lost her interest in Anakin's new way of meditation. Or perhaps it was an old way, re-imagined? He wasn't sure, but he couldn't have been the only one to try and meditate like this.

In all honesty, learning to meditate using his lighter emotions, while not necessarily as easy as using his darker emotions, had helped him when it came to regular Jedi meditation, and he'd been able to get to medium levels of trances in recent months. He still couldn't achieve a large-scale battle meditation or a healing trance, but he was finding his ability to use the Force growing once again.

Or at least it had been. That particular session had been nothing but a series of failures. Of course, after Anakin's mental and emotional regression over the last few days, he was probably pretty lucky he was able to reach any trances at all with normal Jedi meditation.

Even his ability to focus with lighter emotions had been compromised, which he found particularly frustrating because after last week he'd actually been making leaps and bounds of improvement. Having to go back to where he'd been over a year before went beyond disheartening. And, naturally, he wasn't taking that calmly.

Kriffing Sith tendencies.

"Hmm, stop we should," Yaddle finally said after a half-an-hour of almost no progress. "Frustrated, you are. Little more good can we do today."

Anakin let out a grunt, half to show his agreement, half to show his frustration.

Yaddle raised an eyebrow at him, frowning. "Much you have gone through recently, yes? Be so hard on yourself, you should not. Patience, young one."

The former Sith Lord scoffed as he slouched and put his head in his hands. "Because I have all the time in the world. There's only a psychopathic Sith Lord who has far too much power that just keeps growing bent on controlling and subjugating and destroying the galaxy as we know it. Not to mention, the Jedi." He was glad they'd let her in on the secret for the most part. Keeping all of this from her would not have helped him at the moment, especially as he was really trying not to just throw his power around like Vader would have.

Yaddle tipped her head to one side. "Thought, I did, that care about the Republic, you did not."

Anakin blinked at her for a couple of seconds. He hadn't realized she'd caught on to that as it wasn't an opinion he liked to parade. He also noticed that she'd skipped over the Jedi altogether. Perceptive. After a couple more moments of study, he deflated a little.

"No, I don't. The Republic is corrupt and far too easily manipulated. Many of its policies are outdated and useless to say the least, outright harmful to say the worst, and it leaves itself open to those who simply want power and are clever enough to work around the obstacles."

The diminutive master nodded, although he figured it was more from understanding than agreement. "Have an alternative, do you? A solution... hmm?"

Anakin slumped just a little more. He'd discussed this very opinion with multiple people often back before the Empire. He'd had many opinions, and they'd all been naive, short-sighted and foolish.

"I used to think I did. Now I see that I did not. I'm not sure there _is_ a solution. All forms of government are too easily corruptible. Someone somewhere will always be hurt or at a disadvantage depending on the people in power, and it will benefit others. I don't see a way around it. Although," he shot her a wry look, "I'm pretty sure that handing it over to the Sith Master is the worst 'solution' possible."

"Right there, you are," the older master said with a nod.

Anakin sighed. "I suppose you're going to tell me that whatever government helps the most people is the best one." Despite the people that left being dragged down to the bottom most rungs.

Yaddle seemed to think on that for a moment, then she shook her head. "Think, I do, that best, it is, when change their situation, a people can."

The former Sith's brow furrowed slightly as he puzzled over her words. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged and stood. "When arise, a problem does, if address it, a government allows, then good, a government is."

"But,"—Anakin shook his head—"there's so much potential for abuse in an organized party like that. People will inevitably bring up, change and address things for the worse just as often as they change things for the better."

"Wrong, you are not," she conceded. She didn't otherwise do or say anything, simply waiting for Anakin as she rested on her staff.

"So... you think the ability to choose and change is more important than peace?" he asked, now thoroughly confused.

"If forced into peace, one is, treasure it, will they?"

Anakin looked down at his hands as he contemplated that. "I... suppose not."

"But if chosen, peace is..."

"Then they'll fight for it," Anakin concluded, almost to himself as he hadn't ever contemplated it like that before. "Or at least work to preserve it. But, doesn't that mean that they'd need to know more about war and battle and pain to really understand and get to a point where they'd choose it?"

"Perhaps," Yaddle said with a passive wave of her hand. "But learn from others' mistakes, many can."

"But some can't..."

"Hmm. Can't, you say? Or won't?"

Anakin didn't answer. He was sure that there would be people who quite literally couldn't choose peace, for one reason or another, and yet...

"The ability to choose; precious above all other gifts, this is."

He wasn't sure he quite agreed with that, but as a former slave, he could certainly see where she was coming from.

"In any case, done, you are, for today. Go to greet Master Xio, you should. Then, relax. Rest, you need, I think."

"Yes," Anakin replied absently, then shook his head and bowed to the master. "Thank you for your help, Master Yaddle."

"Happy to help, I am," Yaddle said with a smile. "Think on our talk, you should. Come up with your own solution, you will. Faith, I have, in you. See you next week, I will."

With that, she bowed to the initiate and shuffled out of the room. Anakin just watched her go. She'd had some interesting points, even if he wasn't sure he could entirely agree with them.

"Good evening," he said after her, then went about gathering his own things, before heading off to Master Xio's.

xXx

"So,"—the older woman looked at Anakin a little warily after they'd gotten seated—"a dream?"

Anakin winced. "Yes."

She frowned and cocked her head to one side. "Are you... up for talking about it, or should we discuss something else?"

Unlike before, with Girth, Anakin really thought about her question and about everything he'd been through in the last couple of days. If he said 'no', they'd move on to another topic and he wouldn't have to touch that particularly painful wound. If he said 'yes'... would that be too much? After everything? After knowing that his mind-healers wouldn't judge him, and that Ahsoka and Siri, his friends and even Obi-Wan and Ferus were there for him _despite_ it all...

Well, he had to rephrase that in his mind as most of them didn't really _know_. Siri most certainly did. Girth (and by extension, Master Xio) did in this particular instance, as did Ahsoka. Coira, Yaddle and Yoda knew the basics, but no recent details (although he had little doubt the Masters could fill in those details themselves). He even suspected that Mace and a couple of the other Council members knew more than they were letting on... but...

"I... don't want the Council to hear about this," he said softly.

Master Xio nodded gravely. "I can agree to that, if I can tell Master Yoda. Or you can, if you'd prefer."

Anakin outright cringed that time. "Does he... already know about what I told Girth?"

She sighed and nodded again. "That was part of the original deal, and you didn't specify not to. I'm not sure it even occurred to Girth to not tell, seeing as Master Yoda's been so involved in your treatment so far."

Part of that made Anakin feel a little sick. Part of that seemed to lift a burden from his shoulders. He wasn't sure how he could feel both relieved and worried about the same thing simultaneously.

"Then... I don't think..." He took a breath and then shook his head. "Not today."

She nodded. "Alright. Just keep in mind that you'll be going back to the Senate next week. Do you think you'll be able to talk about it after that while confronting him still?"

Anakin bit his lip. It was a good point. They may have to wait until well after he'd finished the program before he could speak about it. Or... maybe he'd be fine. He wasn't sure. He was pretty sure that he wasn't up for it now.

"No," he said with a sigh, "But I... really can't, right now."

She simply nodded. "I understand. When you are ready to talk, we'll discuss it.

"Until then, I have a couple of other things I've written down that we can discuss today. Or you can bring up something yourself, if you'd like."

"I... did run into a padawan I tended to... butt heads with in my previous life, the other day."

Master Xio looked interested. "Oh?"

Anakin nodded. "Yes. He's... also Obi-Wan's new padawan."

The older woman blinked. "Ferus Olin?" she asked.

It was Anakin's turn to look surprised. "You know him?"

"Well, Obi-Wan has become my patient."

The former Sith blinked at her for several seconds. "Since when?"

She smirked. "Yesterday, actually."

"And he... came to you? Or he was ordered?" Anakin asked slowly.

"He came to me on Siri's recommendation. He said that he needed to learn to be healthier so he could teach his padawan correctly. He also gave me permission to share that with you if it came up."

That... didn't sound like Anakin's old master.

"Who is he and what has he done with Obi-Wan?" Anakin heard himself asking.

Master Xio looked amused and a little sad. "He wouldn't have done that in your previous life?"

Anakin shook his head firmly. "Obi-Wan _despises_ the healers' wing with about as much passion as a Jedi can have. He hates being here and... I think he hates admitting that he needs help at all. He'd prefer to just push through it and solve everyone else's problems first."

The Jedi Master nodded. "I got a similar sense from him. He was extremely uncomfortable and I got the feeling that he wouldn't have been here if he'd had any other choice."

"I'm surprised Siri convinced him that he didn't." Because wow. It just... blew his mind. Obi-Wan... in mind-healing... _willingly_... He really wasn't sure what to think of that just because it never would have happened in his memories.

"Well, we aren't here to talk about Obi-Wan..."—she paused—"unless you want to. You did mention his padawan?"

Anakin shook his head, coming back to himself. "Yes. So, I was training in the salles the other evening, and as I was closing up..."

So he told her about his encounter with Ferus. He wasn't even sure why he wanted to talk about it, except that the subject wouldn't be about his horrible dreams or Palpatine. It didn't take him long to finish, and once he did, he sat back in his chair.

Master Xio nodded at him, looking far happier than she had before. "It sounds like you helped him quite a bit... although I do have to warn you against making predictions or diagnosis until you've taken classes and have been given permission from your teacher to do so."

Anakin nodded. "I understand. You have my apologies."

Xio waved it away. "Just keep it in mind for the future. You didn't know better. Besides, I'm proud of you for going out of your way to help someone else – someone you don't seem to like."

The former Sith folded his arms. "I don't hate him."

"That isn't what I said, is it?" the older master said with an amused smile and raised eyebrow.

Anakin didn't answer. He decided to move on to something else he'd realized while speaking with Ferus and Siri the previous week.

"I'm coming to see more and more that the Jedi aren't what I thought they were... even after living with them for over a decade. I don't understand how I could have missed so much about how sapient they are. I mean, I _knew_ they were imperfect, but they still constantly disappointed me. At one point, I knew that didn't make them evil, per se, but as Vader..." He sighed, shaking his head slowly.

"It can be difficult to let go of an ideal, especially when it pertains to someone else. That attitude also fits in with the Emotional Regulation Disorder we've been working on. Extremes in ideals, even if you know they don't really apply."

"Yet more proof," he muttered. At Master Xio's puzzled expression, Anakin snorted. "Only Sith deal in black and white."

She looked genuinely shocked. "Who told you that?"

Anakin shrugged. "Obi-Wan... after I'd fallen and when we were fighting on Mustafar."

"Musta... Wait." She held up a finger. "Is this one of those instances where you won't be able to talk about it right now?"

Anakin nodded apologetically.

A sigh. "Anakin, I... don't think that's true. I know far too many people – some of whom are Jedi – who see the world as they want, and others who refuse to see any middle ground. They must be handled cautiously, but they exist simply because sapients, as a whole, tend to err on the side of caution and would much rather find an area they can be sure is safe or right, not realizing that there will always be exceptions and extremes that stray too far."

The former Sith Lord thought about that for a moment before nodding. "I believe I understand your point, and I can agree."

The woman smiled. "I'm glad, although you don't have to agree with me, you know."

Anakin smirked at her. "Yes, I do know."

"Good."

They fell into quiet for a few moments, with Master Xio checking over some notes. Then Anakin spoke again.

"Those people who only see things in black and white... a lot of them are children, aren't they."

Master Xio looked surprised by the question. "Many of them, yes. Children's minds are still developing and sometimes simply can't grasp the nuances that an adult can. Some brains never fully develop, or they over develop and those people simply cannot grasp some things that someone else in their shoes would. That's one possible source of autism.

"Why do you ask?"

"I... just used to think, before I came to the Temple, that the Jedi were these perfect defenders of the galaxy. I'm not sure I ever really dropped that ideal... and I'm not the only child to think that way. Even Jedi children seem to want that to be true."

Xio blinked. "Wanting the Order to be like that and thinking the Order is like that are two different things, even if there can be overlap. And I suppose that Jedi younglings, of all children, hear stories of Jedi heroes. It can be difficult to realize that ones heroes are sapient and have flaws – sometimes very painful and damaging ones."

Anakin sighed, thinking of Coira and her intense desire to just make everything good and light and wholesome. "Those who can't realize the gray areas – who can't change... they don't make good Jedi, I don't think."

The mind healer frowned. "Why do you say that?"

"It's too easy to disappoint them. Then they become disillusioned at best, and can Fall at worst. It's almost like their own bright light drives them into darkness, and when they fall, they fall hard."

"Like you did?" Xio asked softly.

Anakin nodded grimly.

The older woman frowned again. "You're worried about someone in particular, aren't you. Ferus?"

He felt a half-smile come to his lips. "A little. But I was thinking more about your padawan. She reminds me so much of... well... me that it's a little frightening."

That seemed to surprise Xio. "Coira is... very optimistic," she said slowly, "and I know she's having trouble adjusting, but I don't think she's in danger of Falling. And, to be fair, she doesn't have a Dark Lord of the Sith grooming her to become his next apprentice."

"No," Anakin replied, "but she does talk to one on a regular basis."

Xio's frown deepened. "You aren't a Sith anymore. You said so yourself."

Anakin's expression turned wry. "I'm not much of a Jedi either. I don't believe in the Order, I don't really believe in the Republic... Maybe I have it wrong, and it's the pragmatic members of the Order who drive the lighter ones who see things in black and white down." Like Obi-Wan had driven him down? No, more like everyone else had. The Obi-Wan from Anakin's teenage memories still seemed like the epitome of Jedi, even now. How much of a facade had that been? He suddenly wondered.

"Anakin," Xio said with a frown, bringing him out of his reverie, "do you feel like you're dragging people into darkness?"

His brow furrowed as he thought about her question. "If I am," he finally answered, "I do not mean to. But then, I suppose that other pragmatic Jedi could be the same. I wouldn't exactly call myself a beacon of the light side anymore, am I. And I don't seem to be the only one in the order, currently... ironically."

"You don't think you're bringing anyone down?" she asked again, apparently wanting him to answer more clearly.

His lips thinned. "I honestly don't know. I would hope if I were that someone like Siri or Master Yaddle or Master Yoda or you or Girth would be able to point it out to me... so I would lean towards 'no'. At least not through the Force. I could definitely be one of those pragmatic Force-users who drives people away from the light, though."

She shook her head. "If that were really true, every person with a sunny disposition would end up cynical and/or depressed whenever they met someone with a different opinion. While it's not unheard of for such mind-sets to sway over time, I do think it's more a matter of support and preparation. I know your master _tried_ to prepare you, but he didn't know what he had to fight against. You didn't have the support you needed, and what you did have was very harshly, if subtly, undermined."

"So Palpatine's the reason why I was so convinced everyone else was so perfect? And I just wasn't?"

Xio nodded. "Partially. He did have you convinced that you were different but above the rules, didn't he?"

Anakin couldn't help but feel annoyed that they'd gotten back to talking about Palpatine. The one topic he'd like to avoid.

"Yes. Although I didn't need much encouragement. Besides, the Jedi were the ones who told me I was The Chosen One."

"So he took an idea you already had and twisted it."

"It seems to be his M.O."

The mind healer sighed. "Effective."

Anakin smirked a little, even if it wobbled a bit. "And pragmatic."

"Pragmatism doesn't mean darkness."

"It doesn't exactly scream light either."

"No," she conceded. "But it does scream survival."

Anakin thought about that, then let out a deep breath. "I wish I could be more optimistic and less pragmatic."

Xio's smile was sad. "Many people would prefer to deal more with our higher needs revolving around happiness than our lower ones dealing more with survival. But, to be fair, I don't think you're as 'pragmatic' as you think you are."

A couple of moments of silence. "I... hope you're right."

The master's smile became far more real. "That's the spirit."

xXx

Anakin was glad Xio hadn't pushed him for details of his dreams. They'd instead gone over more philosophy for the rest of the session, and Anakin now had several things to think about that didn't dredge up the horrors of his past.

Now, he strolled into the training halls yet again, searching for Siri. She should be there...

Ah, there she was.

He walked over to one of the longer rooms where she was going through her lightsaber forms. A couple of other Jedi were going through their own forms in the room, but there would definitely be enough room for a minor duel if they were willing to keep his true skill from being observed (he felt they'd done a fairly good job and hoped no one had seen how much he'd improved – the last thing he needed was more attention).

"Knight Tachi," he called to her as he walked in. She finished her kata and turned to him.

"What happened to 'Siri'?" she asked.

He thumbed over his shoulder at the other knights, both radiating amusement for some reason.

"Ah," she replied with a nod of her head. Then she gestured to the empty space beside her. "Care to join me?"

Anakin nodded, falling into a couple of stretches to begin warming up. Siri turned her lightsaber back on and began to go through the next form.

"How long do you think it will be before they try and tell me to stop coming down here so often again?" Anakin asked.

Siri raised an eyebrow as she looked over at him without missing a beat in her current form. "The Initiate Council? Or the High Council?"

"Either," Anakin replied.

"Well, you've already tested out of so many classes and subjects... I think they're scrambling with you a bit, Anakin. If you have free time but are using it well, I doubt they'll say anything."

"I do think it's a little ridiculous that I can't take higher-placed classes until I'm a padawan, but I also understand why. Doesn't mean it's any less frus—"

He cut off as a ping from his comm went off. He glanced at Siri who shrugged, somehow still keeping up with her form. So he dug his comm out of his pocket and began to scroll through it.

When he hadn't moved several minutes later, Siri finally came over to see what had him so enthralled.

"Anakin?" she asked.

He just turned a pale face up to her and showed her the holo message.

"Isn't that the message board..." she faded off and her own eyes widened. "Oh..."

"Dooku wants to meet. He said it was an emergency."

Siri stared at the message for several seconds. From Tyra... Tyrannus. That had to be Anakin's morbid idea of an inside joke.

"Do you want to go?" she asked.

Anakin looked down at the holocomm again. "I... don't know. I must admit I am... curious to see his mental state, and yet..."

"It's dangerous," she replied softly.

"Yes," the former Sith replied, his tone matching hers. "I have no idea how far he's fallen or what he's doing for Palpatine..."

"Then let me go."

Anakin jumped a little. "What? No!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"It's Tyrannus! One of the best duelists to come out of the Jedi Order, full stop."

"And?"

He scowled at her. "This is no time to suddenly get reckless," he hissed.

She held out her hand. "Hi, Kettle. I'm Pot."

He was sure his expression should have sucked the air in the room as dry as Tatooine's. "I am glad you find yourself so amusing."

She shrugged. "I've always been a little reckless, Anakin. I've also been bored staying cooped up here recently. Plus... what does the Force tell you?"

Anakin opened his mouth to argue, but then paused and closed it again because she was right. It was nudging him to agree. And he was curious...

He threw his hands up in the air. "Fine. We'll go and meet him." Then he turned and stalked towards the door of the room. "This will require some planning," he called back without turning around.

"Be right there, oh wise one," she called after him as she shut off her lightsaber hurried to fall into step beside him.

The other Jedi looked after them for a moment, amused, before returning to their own practice.

xXx

AN: A huge thanks to Quathis who has let me bounce ideas off of him day in and day out for weeks as I try to figure this out. You'd think this would get easier to figure out people's psyche as you go along. Even characters. It doesn't.

Also, I'd like to thank Carradee and Khalthar for their everlasting support. You guys don't know how much you mean to me or to this fic.

Lastly, I'd like to thank everyone who has read and/or favortied this fic or any in this series. Thank you.


	13. Chapter 13

They set up the meeting with Dooku for a couple of days later, received their confirmation and went about planning. The place they'd arranged to meet at was another bar as that had worked rather well last time. Siri volunteered to scope the place out and even managed to figure out how she could infiltrate the establishment. She wouldn't give specifics to Anakin, but he suspected it had to do with liberal mind-tricking, slicing and some possible plans of sleep suggestions. She'd make first contact (not that Dooku would know if it all went according to plan) and be there with her hidden lightsaber in case anything happened.

Anakin insisted that he not go in bugged so they could check more easily for listening or recording devices on Dooku (which Siri would discreetly do, several times, most likely), and that was only if they both decided to go through with the actual meeting at all. If they saw him and got _any_ inkling from the Force that something was up, they'd get out of there as quickly as they could. Anakin decided he wouldn't even put on his appendage extensions (which he'd have to build new ones soon, he was rapidly outgrowing his original ones) until he got the all-clear from Siri.

They spent the next two days getting everything they needed ready, and Anakin rediscovered for the umpteenth time that he very much liked having a project to focus on. He knew he needed to consciously process everything that had happened the past week, and he did work on it some, but he also found that when he let his mind dwell on it all, he tended to get stuck in a slowly spiraling thought-process. It hadn't quite managed to drag him down yet, but he knew it still had the potential to do so if he wasn't careful. It all really boiled down to the fact that he did not want to explain his actions as a Sith to Yoda, Xio and Girth. In all honesty, it terrified him. Sure, they hadn't abandoned him yet, but he could just see Yoda's drooping ears, Girth's horror and Xio's shock. He'd already explained some of his actions to Girth, and indirectly to Yoda and Xio, but that was honestly just the tip of the black hole's gravity well. If anything would drive them to realize just what kind of a monster he was...

So he would think on it, ponder it, and then when he ran into the circular thought-train, he'd go back to focusing on his upcoming, self-imposed mission instead.

It worked, and for now, he'd take it.

Siri and Anakin did decide to inform Yoda of said mission, and he gave them permission to proceed with caution, although he did want to remain updated. It was kind of amazing how different Yoda had become from his counterpart in Anakin's memories. On the surface, they'd seem similar – almost exactly the same, but Anakin still remembered the other Grandmaster telling him to embrace Padmé's death and celebrate it. He also remembered the little troll telling Anakin that there was much fear in him and disagreeing with him becoming a Jedi. The rejection still hurt a little, even though he almost couldn't imagine this Yoda doing that. Almost.

This Yoda knew what was coming and had been forced to change. This Yoda had had his views and ideals thoroughly challenged, and instead of breaking under it, he'd risen to overcome it. He hadn't just suddenly evolved, and there were still things that he and Anakin greatly disagreed on, but this was the Grandmaster who saw someone in need of help, and had decided to give that help despite the risks. This was the Grandmaster who had been initially more suspicious, and then more worried and somehow more supportive because of it. It kind of blew Anakin's mind, as he had no idea what specifically had pushed the little troll from an ancient, tired being convinced that the code would be the Jedi's ultimate protection to a Grandmaster pushing for change and reform (albeit, slowly, from what he'd spoken of to Anakin, Siri and the mind-healers). He wasn't complaining though.

In truth, the former Sith couldn't be more grateful for the change. He'd trusted Yoda in his first life, simply because Yoda had been calm, fairly predictable and would pay attention to Anakin. The old master may not have approved of the young slave-boy joining the Order, but he'd lived by the Council's decision and done his best to include Anakin nonetheless. Still, while Anakin had trusted him, he'd never been able to truly trust _in_ the Grandmaster. He'd always been reserved and had never really been able to address the hurt of rejection he'd initially felt. But now... now he found that he _could_ trust in Yoda and he had no qualms in doing so – with the exception that he didn't want to ruin it by going through the gory details and painting the gruesome picture of a mind twisted by madness, grief and the dark side.

But, while the idea sickened him, it didn't repulse him like it would have in his previous life. And that, Anakin supposed, was a bit of a miracle in and of itself. Didn't make the task he knew he would have to approach much easier, but he'd take what he could get at this point.

Yoda wished them well and asked them to do their best by Dooku. He also told them that he trusted them, and whatever happened, he believed that it would be the best outcome.

Anakin couldn't help but be touched.

The day of their meeting with Dooku, Siri left early, claiming some personal errands that Yoda backed up. He hadn't been happy about the idea of Anakin sneaking out again, but had more or less allowed it as long as Anakin was careful not to leave any openings into the Temple on his way. He assured the old Master that he wouldn't, and then went about finishing his classwork.

An hour or so before he was to meet Dooku, he slipped out of the Temple and went to his storage unit, picked up his arm and leg extensions before catching an air-taxi to the meeting place.

He ended up getting there a couple of minutes before the set time and contacted Siri.

"I'm in position," he said into his comm unit, even though his 'position' was really just a street corner where he could watch casually but disappear into a crowd if necessary.

"' _Bout time you got here,_ " Siri responded.

"Have you made the target?" he asked.

" _Of course."_

A beat. "And?"

" _Just a sec..."_ Another pause before Siri answered. _"Sorry, was filling someone's glass. So, he seems to be alone, and he doesn't seem to be bugged at all. He's about as calm as I remember, although he does have a few nervous ticks."_

"Does he seem... dark?" Anakin asked.

Another pause while he assumed she checked. _"No. But then, no one was able to sense the Emperor either."_ They'd decided to call Palpatine that instead of by name, just in case anyone overheard them.

"He had years – decades even – of training then," Anakin pointed out. "Not months."

" _Target has had years of training now, just with the light._ "

Despite knowing she couldn't see it, he shook his head. "It would take a while to really be able to hide darkness like that... trust me."

" _If you say so,"_ she said hesitantly. _"I've already given the note to another staff member to deliver. He should be getting it... right about... now."_

Anakin nodded, despite knowing Siri couldn't see him. It really was inconvenient that they couldn't seem to make telepathy work, even through their bond, unless they were within a couple of meters, but she still should be able to feel his acknowledgment.

They'd debated on what they should write on the flimsy, and had eventually come up with one sentence. _Give me one good reason why I should believe anything you say._

He could just imagine Dooku reading it, then repressing a sigh of frustration.

" _Oh. Look at that. He's asking a waitress for a writing implement."_

Anakin held his breath.

" _He's giving the note back... alright. I'll go meet her. See you in a few."_

While he waited for her to bring the note to him, he looked over the crowd passing by for the umpteenth time. He noticed a few people looking his way suspiciously, but glared them away. This wasn't the safest place for kids, but if he looked like he belonged there, he doubted he'd have any real problem.

He felt Siri's approach before he saw her. She stepped up beside him and he finally turned to look at her... and froze, blinking.

"Siri... _what_ are you wearing?"

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him, done up in all sorts of makeup. It didn't _look_ like Siri. Something about her nose and jaw. She also had on a _blaring_ wig that faded from a dark rust color to a neon orange. It had been backcombed up several inches over her head... and that was the calmest part about her.

The most surprising thing, he supposed, was the very revealing outfit she wore. It was made of cheap, shiny material that hugged some curves that _had_ to be fake or enhanced somehow, even if he couldn't tell for sure. The skirt (if one could classify something so small as that) flared out around her hips and swayed with her every movement. Cheap or not, it certainly did what it had obviously been made to do.

"The uniform," she muttered darkly. "If you take any pictures, you won't like my revenge."

Anakin just blinked at her for several seconds. Then he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing as he nodded solemnly. "I understand. The note?"

"Here," she said, eyeing him suspiciously.

The former Sith took the flimsy without reading it, nodded, and walked back down the street. "Thanks."

She didn't answer. She didn't need to. He'd get in contact with her whether he decided to go through with it or not.

It took him more than ten minutes to duck and crawl to where he felt that no one had followed him, and only then did he open the flimsy.

 _I regret to say, I do not have a good reason._ The note started out with. _I can only say that you were right. If I am to succeed at all in my endeavors, I need your help._

Anakin would have snorted if it hadn't been for one final word at the bottom: _Please._

He stared at the word for several seconds. That wasn't something he would expect to hear from the man he'd gotten to know in the last couple of years, let alone Tyrannus. Neither one of them would 'stoop' to asking for help. For the Count, it was practically begging, and Anakin couldn't see the man doing so even as a cover. In all honesty, it showed more about Dooku's mind-set and desperation than anything else.

Of course, his paranoia told him to forget it all and just leave. But while listening to his gut had saved his life multiple times, it sure hadn't ultimately led him to a place where he'd wanted to be. And he was still curious...

So he closed his eyes and felt for the Force. It wasn't nudging him forward, but it also wasn't nudging him away.

Of course.

So this would be up to him.

"Stang it all," he muttered to himself as he drew his extensions out of his bag and began to put them on.

Once he finished with his disguise, he took out his comm. "Looks like I'm coming back, Siri."

He waited for her to get back to him. _"Are you sure_?"

Anakin scoffed. "No."

A longer pause. _"Alright. He is still here, but you may want to hurry. He doesn't look comfortable. Well, for Dooku."_

"On my way."

xXx

It took him far less time to get back to the bar than it had to get away, seeing as he wasn't trying to lose any potential tails. He stepped warily in, looking around the crowded room carefully. He spotted Siri over at one corner delivering some drinks and food. He was a little amazed at how well she blended in. If he hadn't already known what to look for, he wouldn't have been able to spot her.

Anakin had found Dooku as well. The former Jedi looked up and even the initiate could see that his shoulders relaxed noticeably when their eyes met. They studied each other for several seconds, Anakin feeling him out. He was surprised at what he found. The man's light had dimmed somewhat, but what remained seemed somehow firmer and stronger than before. And it was definitely light. No darkness to be found.

The former Sith let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as he strode towards the booth Dooku sat at.

"Lars," he greeted, tersely and yet warmly. That... was strange. Dooku? Warm? It took Anakin a moment to respond.

"Dooku," he finally said. "I... have to admit, I'm pleasantly surprised."

The older man nodded his head in appreciation. That... also wasn't like him.

"And I have to admit that I also expected some gloating. Not many could have lasted this long."

Instead of smiling – smugly or otherwise – Dooku just sighed and looked down a little. "I will admit, it has not been... easy."

"I'd imagine not," Anakin agreed. Then he ventured to (slowly) ask the question that had been running through his mind. "How did you do it?"

Dooku sat back against his seat, looking suddenly tired. "All I can say is that it must be the will of the Force. Either that or I have a guardian looking out for me." And that almost blew Anakin's mind, because Dooku was many things, but superstitious was _not_ one of them. He did not like how the former Jedi was somehow able to keep him off balance still.

"That implies that you have had some... close calls," Anakin spoke, still choosing his words carefully.

The gray-haired man closed his eyes for a moment, his hand going to a pouch on his belt. "You could say that."

And this had just gone so far beyond what Anakin could have possibly expected. He really didn't know where to go from here...

"So... with what do you need my help?" he finally asked, deciding to address the reason he'd come at all. "Do you want my help getting away from him?" They could fake Dooku's death fairly easily, although Anakin would have to really grill him on hiding his Force presence from darksiders.

It looked like it was Dooku's turn to choose his words carefully, which set off warning bells in Anakin's head.

"I... have thought of that, but I cannot stomach the idea of all my work and preparation and sacrifice going to waste. But, I do not think I can withstand his machinations for much longer." That tiredness somehow increased, making his shoulders slump even more, but Anakin remained tense. He still wasn't sure what the man wanted and couldn't help but be ready to bolt if necessary. He was curious, not stupid.

Dooku rubbed a hand over his face (again, too close to Obi-Wan...) before he spoke again. "If I stay with him, I believe you are right: there will be no avoiding the dark side."

Anakin _really_ didn't like where this was going. He didn't speak, though, so Dooku decided to continue.

"Is... there a way to control a Fall? Fall on my terms, not his?"

It was only because Anakin had his mask on that he allowed his jaw to drop in shock. He wanted to yell and scream and ask the man before him about his sanity. Could one go insane instead of going dark when backed into a corner? Anakin had always assumed that darkness meant insanity, but it had never occurred to him that one could go insane in such a situation to _avoid_ the darkness.

And yet, Dooku didn't _seem_ insane... he didn't have that aura about him. Anakin had been around his share of the mentally challenged, and Dooku just didn't fit the bill. And yet, Anakin couldn't see this proposal as anything short of completely crazy.

And not in a good way.

Finally he forced himself to say something. "I... don't _think_ you jest..."

Dooku shook his head. "I assure you, I do not."

Nope, he couldn't wrap his head around it.

"You are asking for the Force equivalent of a slow addiction to _death sticks,_ and somehow expect me to believe you are, indeed, serious."

Somehow the Count's expression turned sad, of all things. "I am, aren't I. Well, I simply need to stay sane long enough to get you the information you require."

"And after that?"

Dooku shrugged. "I will have outlived my usefulness."

Forget being off-balance, Anakin was having a difficult time remembering which way was up at this point. "You never struck me as suicidal."

"If it is for the cause," he replied _nonchalantly_. As if this wasn't just normal, but _expected_. It occurred to him that perhaps this was how free-born felt when they saw Anakin acting on his slave-born impulses...

"What cause, exactly?" Anakin asked, needing the clarification.

Dooku raised an eyebrow and took a drink from the cup he'd had before him the entire time. "Saving the universe, of course."

Anakin just stared at him as he forced his mind to process that – to _work_ , kriff it! Was Dooku really asking this? Did he expect (hope, even) that Anakin would – _could_ – help somehow?

He leaned forward, eyes narrowing. "Count Dooku, we are not speaking of a mere under-cover mission any more. This is your very _soul_ we are discussing, for that is what is at stake."

Dooku studied him for several seconds before nodding. "I understand that more than you realize. However, I have weighed the options and this seems to be the best solution."

Anakin scoffed. "Best solution? What could possibly be worth your eternal soul?"

The old man smiled sadly. "The Galaxy and all the souls therein."

They both sat in utter silence for almost a minute while Anakin contemplated that. Not for the first time, he wondered if he'd ever really known the man in front of him – the man who would, apparently – trade everything about himself for the betterment of others. Of course, they couldn't have known Dooku once he'd fallen, but still...

Then he remembered what Siri said about Depa – that she had a simple outlook in that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. And now that he thought about it, it was a common Jedi ideal. Almost every Jedi he'd met had, at one point, been willing to sacrifice the few (be they clones, other Jedi or – most often – themselves) for the many. Mace Windu, Luminara, Adi-Gallia, Ferus... Although he knew most of them tried to save everyone they possibly could. Obi-Wan, Plo Koon, Siri, they all worked rather tirelessly to save the many _and_ the few. Somehow, even though he'd known Dooku had been a Jedi, it had never even crossed his mind that the Count, of all people, would adhere to such a self-sacrificing ideal.

And yet, Dooku was volunteering for this... at the highest personal cost possible.

Anakin's opinion of the man shot up several notches and somehow made his memories of the Sith he'd become in the other timeline even more tragic.

Finally, Dooku spoke again, his voice quiet and subdued. "I made my decision long ago, Lars. I would gladly trade my soul for the galaxy."

The former Sith remained silent for a couple seconds longer before speaking up himself. "Luke," he said through the vocoder.

Dooku blinked. "What?"

Anakin swallowed. "You know my first name. I would ask you call me by it."

The older man smirked a little. It may have been forced, but there was also some real emotion behind it. "Even if it isn't your real name?"

Well, Anakin could only shrug to that, but Dooku didn't seem to mind as he finished off his drink. Then he reached into a pocket and pulled out a mini datapad.

"With your explanations of addiction, I looked up medical procedures for how to treat someone who needs an otherwise addicting or illegal drug. Most of them deal with limited use and an inability to supply a fully-fledged addiction. Unfortunately, that isn't exactly something we can enforce to my knowledge." He raised an eyebrow in his companion's direction.

Anakin thought over the words he'd just heard carefully before nodding slowly. "Not without limiting your use of the Force at all."

Dooku nodded grimly, obviously expecting the answer. "Which would be plausible if I didn't also have to answer to Palpatine. I don't believe he knows I have returned to Coruscant, but with the resources he has at his disposal..."

The former Sith couldn't help but agree. This was Sidious, after all, and he had more active resources than most people could comprehend.

"I can likely put off going back to him for a couple of days – a week at the most – before he'd set up a confrontation."

Anakin nodded in acknowledgment, but didn't answer. Truthfully, he wasn't sure what to say. What was the right answer here? He closed his eyes again, reaching for the Force, and yet again, felt nothing. Was that, perhaps, the light and the darkness within the Force negating each other? Because this felt like a rather monumental turning point. If Mace Windu were here, he'd likely be seeing so many shatterpoints it would give him a migraine.

He needed to get away, somewhere quiet, and really _think_ on it. Meditate even. Speak with Siri, perhaps? But they didn't have the time to really go into the decision, because Dooku wasn't wrong when he said he didn't have much time. But this was something Anakin could not, in good conscience, rush in to.

So, a compromise.

Letting out a deep breath, Anakin searched his pockets for the pad of flimsy he'd written his note on earlier and the writing implement. He quickly wrote down the address of the building they'd gone to before, where they'd outrun Palpatine's bounty hunters and ended up in the droid maintenance area.

"Meet me there tomorrow evening," he said as he handed the note over. Dooku took it, looked it over, and seemed to recognize it. Good. Then the man nodded.

"Tomorrow?" he asked.

"I have some errands I need to finish up today," Anakin said as he stood. Then he dropped some chips on the table. "This is on me."

With that, he signaled to Siri that he was leaving, making sure that it would look like he was just notifying the waitress. Thankfully, she'd made sure to keep herself near them and was the closest one, so it wouldn't seem out of place. Well, she seemed to be far better at under-cover work than Anakin ever would be.

"I will see you shortly, Count," he said with a nod of his head, before turning and striding out.

He made immediately for his and Siri's rendezvous point, arriving about eight minutes after leaving the bar. He made sure he hadn't been followed (he hadn't) before stripping his extensions off. For some reason, he suddenly felt restricted and caged inside them and had to get out.

Ten minutes later, Siri arrived, still in her waitress outfit, although she'd taken off the wig. It somehow made Anakin want to scour the image from his mind. It felt like seeing an older sister in a bakini or something, and just wasn't something he wanted to focus on.

Ever.

So instead, he focused on information and told her what Dooku had said. Then he waited for her response.

Siri just stared at him. "He wants to _what_?!" she finally asked.

Anakin sighed and nodded. "I had a similar reaction."

The blond just sat down, looking a little dazed. Anakin didn't blame her. "I've heard of people doing some pretty extreme things when going under cover, but this..."

"Agreed," Anakin muttered.

"And he wants you to somehow just... _kill_ him when he goes too far?"

The former Sith held in a groan as he nodded again.

They both sat there in silence for several seconds.

"I'm... not getting anything from the Force," Siri finally said.

"Me neither," Anakin muttered.

Siri sighed. "Meditation, then?" she asked.

"Not sure how it will help, but we don't have many other options at this point," Anakin replied as he settled down in a cross-legged position next to her.

She didn't even respond, instead closing her eyes and falling into the Force. Anakin nodded in approval (not that she'd see it) before he thought about what he should use for his focal point today. While the dark side required his focal point to be extremely powerful, he had discovered that his focal point in the light would only have to be positive. He found it interesting to try and use different emotions as focal points to see how deep his connection with the Force could go.

After a moment, he decided to use his awe at Dooku's utter selflessness – at least in this particular case – and his newly found respect for the man. It was something he'd like to try and process anyway.

(He'd realized how lucky he was that his therapists had helped him learn to identify his emotions, and how much of a prerequisite that was for this type of meditation. Then he'd realized that there was no such thing as luck and had just shaken his head at the Force.)

Then, he meditated on Dooku's proposal and exactly why he felt how he did about it.

After an hour and a half, he didn't have much of an answer, even if he did feel better about the whole situation. Well, calmer at least.

He and Siri had discussed it on the way back to the Temple, and they'd both come to the conclusion that they didn't really have any better ideas for infiltrating Palpatine's network, and while this had a lot of potentially high risks (what if Dooku fell fully and hard and decided to tell everything to Palpatine?), it had some potentially high rewards.

There was just no guarantee those rewards would come. Dooku could fully fall before completing his mission, and may not choose to get them the information they needed. Even if he didn't go to Palpatine, just standing in their way of getting what they needed would make their entire situation potentially far worse.

And yet... Anakin was getting a little desperate. In all honesty, he wanted Palpatine's threat handled long before the Clone Wars were even a twinkle in the Senate's eye. He hated to admit it, but his old tendencies of impatience were kicking in and he was having difficulties waiting for proof that they may never find. And if Dooku was so willing to play the sacrifice, could Anakin afford to _not_ take advantage of that?

That didn't exactly make him feel any better about the entire thing. Or himself.

He never had been good at sending people on suicide missions. Well, perhaps as Vader... but that realization just served to make Anakin feel even worse. Of course.

They got back to the Temple late, but they still met Yoda on the platform. He didn't even pull a double-take at Siri's attire, instead focusing on each of their faces intently. The two of them exchanged glances before Anakin suggested they go somewhere private.

They ended up in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, as it happened to be closer than any of their quarters. Not too many people were around at this time as the diurnal Jedi were winding down and the nocturnal Jedi had yet to really start their day. Once they were settled, Anakin and Siri explained everything to Yoda, whose ears kept drooping more and more. When they finished, he sat there in silence for a very long time.

Finally, he spoke in a croaking voice. "Unsure, I am, as to whether pride, I should feel, or despair."

"Why not both?" Anakin asked. "Girth says that emotions don't have to fit together to be felt simultaneously."

The old troll nodded thoughtfully, although his ears still showed his sadness. "A wise being, Healer Girth is."

More silence at they contemplated that. Then Siri spoke up.

"Master, what should we do? I don't want to help _anyone_ fall."

"It wouldn't be you 'helping' him," Anakin muttered, feeling incredibly guilty for even contemplating throwing Dooku at the speeder. Could he knowingly lead anyone down the path to the dark side at this point? Or would that break him too? All over again...

"Like it, I do not," Yoda said firmly. Then he deflated a bit. "But just like Dooku, this is. Stubborn to a fault, he is. Stubborn and willful. Worried, I am, that if reject him, you do, proceed on his own, he will."

Siri snorted. "That's the Dooku I remember – always putting us in impossible situations."

Well, she wasn't wrong.

Then to Anakin's surprise, Yoda turned to him. "If possible, it is, ask you, I would, to help him, as you can."

"You want me to do this?" Anakin asked, incredulous.

Yoda shook his head. "No. However, if going to do it, he is, then prefer for you to help him, I would. Leave hope for his return, I believe it would."

Anakin felt his eyes grow wide, and sensed similar shock from Siri through the bond.

"What happened to, 'Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.'"?

"Yet here with us, you are."

That took Anakin back a bit and he sat there, blinking at the older being for several seconds. He hadn't expected Yoda, of all people, to change his tune so thoroughly.

"It... it isn't easy," he finally managed to get out. "To come back."

Yoda nodded. "Expect that, I did."

"Right." He thought on that for a few more seconds before returning to the task at hand. "There is one more problem, though: I don't think it's possible to fall in a controlled way. I mean, we can make an _attempt_ , but I don't think it will work."

Siri seemed to be thinking rather hard herself before looking over at Anakin. "You don't think there's even a chance?"

Anakin's lips tightened. "I'm... not sure. Perhaps it is possible, but it will take time to figure out."

"Time we don't have," Siri muttered, seeing his issue.

The former Sith shook his head. "No." Then he looked at Yoda. "If we had months or years to plan, then maybe, but with Palpatine involved like he is... Even if we made any progress, he would likely sense it and then either pick at weak points until Dooku crashed and any advantage we had or progress we'd made would be lost.

"Also, the dark side doesn't work exactly like the normal Force. Jedi are taught to listen to the Force as much as they request the Force listens to them – a constant state of a mutually positive symbiosis, for all intents and purposes. Darksiders _demand_ what they want of the Force, and the dark side addicts them to that power so they keep coming back and keep gaining more power. Growing more powerful with the dark side is honestly simultaneous with acting more confident – arrogant even." Which was why Anakin wouldn't ever have been able to finish off the Emperor on his own; all of his confidence and arrogance as a Sith had been a lie, and Palpatine had known it. Vader had just been too blind – too desperate and addicted – to see it.

"Is that why it requires such strong emotions as anger and hate to use as focal points?" Siri asked, sounding honestly curious.

Anakin turned his surprised expression on to her. He hadn't expected her to ask without disgust or disapproval. Then he nodded. "Anger and hate don't fuel the dark side, they fuel the person. They are simply conduits strong enough to motivate a person into demanding and enforcing control. Then it magnifies and feeds that emotion back to you in a feedback loop. The stronger the anger, the more motivation, the more one gives up, the more one can use, and the more one wants."

The blond woman's eyes widened. "You... almost make the dark side seem masochistic... and sapient... again."

The initiate couldn't help but shrug. That was how he'd understood it. Anger and hate – or whatever his focal point was – were reins used to force control on the dark side, and would only be useful if they were somehow powerful enough to hold the darkness in.

"Hmm. Back to the point, we should come," Yoda admonished softly.

"Right," Siri said with a nod of her head before turning to Anakin. "So what do we do?"

Anakin rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. "I don't think there's anything we _can_ do but try to help him. I doubt it will work, but whether it does or not, it would put us – well, me, I suppose – on better terms with him if he does fall completely. Something I plan on informing him of before hand."

"Didn't you say that the dark side twists someone's thoughts and memories? Would earning good will even help?"

"Potentially," Anakin said slowly. "I mean, it didn't twist all of my memories, just the ones that would encourage me to give more of myself to it. I could still remember happy times, I just chose not to... 'indulge uselessly'."

"Hmm. Tell master Xio this, you should. Help her with her theories, it can."

Siri and Anakin stared at him for several seconds before exchanging glances.

"Theories?" Siri asked.

"She told you?" Anakin couldn't help if he sounded a bit incredulous.

Yoda looked amused. "Explain to the Council why she wanted access to Sith holocrons, she did."

Siri's eyes bulged. "She's been studying Sith holocrons?"

The former Sith looked away, embarrassed for some reason. And a little worried, but he felt that was perfectly reasonable. "She's doing it for me... to understand me more."

The blond woman just stared at him incredulously. "I don't know whether to be extremely impressed at her dedication or utterly horrified at the lengths she's willing to go." And the current similarities to Dooku hung silently in the air like bombs waiting to drop.

"Monitoring her, we are," Yoda assured her. Siri didn't look appeased.

"I've felt no darkness from her whatsoever," Anakin said. "And trust me, I've looked for it ever since she told me."

"Hmm... okay," Siri responded, sounding a little less unsure. Well, it wouldn't be too bad to have more than one person on the look out for any dark-side tendencies from their counselor, Anakin supposed.

A yawn forced its way out of him quite suddenly and he blinked. How tired was he that a moment there was an actual lull in the conversation, he showed it? He blamed the child's body _again_. So frustrating. At least he'd be turning twelve soon. In about a month. One more year closer to being an adult again, with a fully-functioning brain and at least some mastery over himself.

"Agree with you, I do," Yoda said, ears perking up ever so slightly.

Anakin blinked at him, then tipped his head in question.

"Tired, we all are. To bed we should go. Rest, we must."

The former Sith felt that familiar resignation creep up on him. "So that's it, then?" he asked. "We – I – help Dooku fall to the darkness and deal with the fallout as best we can?"

He felt a hand on his arm and followed it up to meet Siri's sad gaze. "What other choice do we have, Anakin?"

Yoda's ears drooped again.

"More observation and brainstorming could present a solution," Anakin said.

"We're open to suggestion," Siri replied with a sigh.

And... he didn't have any to offer. Of course.

"Look, let's think on it," Siri suggested. "Sleep on it. We'll discuss our options again tomorrow before we go to meet him. And we'll keep thinking of something else – some other idea."

"Agree, I do," Yoda said, mouth set firmly. "Find another solution we can."

Well, he appreciated that they were trying. Not that he'd ever phrase it like that to Yoda.

"Alright," Anakin agreed, wanting to sound determined himself, but very well aware that he only came off as tired.

They bid Yoda goodnight – apparently he wanted to stay for some more private meditation (Anakin approved) – and left the room of a thousand fountains.

Anakin offered to walk Siri to her room first, before she took him to the creche. Seeing as she still wore the two-piece, flashy monstrosity of a uniform, she agreed. Too bad they'd been too focused on speaking with Yoda when they'd returned or they would have made a detour to grab a cloak or something. And, apparently, something had happened to prevent her from getting her initial robes and tunics when she'd left the bar earlier. She wouldn't tell him exactly what, but he got the feeling that someone had realized that she shouldn't be there and had followed her out of the bar for a bit. Not wanting to give away the fact that she was a Jedi, she'd had to lose them before going to meet Anakin by their appointed time.

They hurried down the halls, ignoring any other Jedi they came across (a fair amount, many of whom did raise an eyebrow in their direction), intent on getting to where she could change again. So focused on reaching her room were they, that they didn't notice the familiar presence they almost ran into as they turned into the residential wing housing the quarters knights (and their padawans) stayed in.

Siri just suddenly froze and Anakin was tired enough to actually run into her.

"Siri?" he asked, looking up at a very rigid back. Then he looked around her and saw a blank-faced Obi-Wan staring at them... well, at Siri. He seemed rather shocked. Then the embarrassment hit him, practically like a volcano erupting, or a hurricane slamming into Anakin – coming from the woman standing next to him. He actually staggered for a moment.

Then he looked up at Siri again. He'd never seen more than a light blush on her cheeks. She'd always been a bit reckless, but she'd also always had very good self-mastery. Now, though, she had a rather deep shade of red on her cheeks that off-set the flashy material of the two-piece. Anakin had known that Siri was considered attractive (although he'd always been partial to brunettes, himself), but it hadn't really crossed his mind that she was considered attractive. Especially by ginger-haired knights if Anakin read Obi-Wan's minute expression correctly. What were the odds of them running into him of all people? At this time of night? And Siri hadn't cared about the other Jedi they'd passed... Then again, now that he knew more about her feelings towards Obi-Wan, that did make sense.

He wasn't sure how long they all just stood there in a sort of stand off, but then Obi-Wan did something Anakin couldn't help but be impressed by.

"Knight Tachi," Obi-Wan said with a warm smile. "Pleasure to see you. Have a pleasant evening." Then, with that, he just walked by them. No other comment, no smirk, not even a second look. Was he even male? Maybe he wasn't as straight as Anakin had always assumed?

Then, to Anakin's confusion, the embarrassment he felt from Siri turned to indignation. Well, it seemed that she still had a ways to go before she regained that self-mastery.

"That's it?" she asked after Obi-Wan. Then she covered her mouth, looking as if she wanted to melt into the ground again. Oh, and the embarrassment came back full force.

Obi-Wan finally glanced back, and Anakin could finally see that familiar, amused smirk of his. "I can't say I don't enjoy the view," he said, "but then, I always do when you're around, no matter your choice of clothing."

If anything, Siri's cheeks grew even darker. Anakin was afraid she might pass out. And... that was far more forward of Obi-Wan than he'd expected, too. And smoother. How surprising.

"You'd better not mention this again," Siri practically growled.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't dream of it. Goodnight." And then he turned and continued to walk toward his original destination, whatever that was.

And Anakin couldn't hold it in any longer. He let out a snort. Siri rounded on him, and that just set him off harder. The snort turned into a series of snickers, and then a guffaw. He ended up doubled over, trying not to laugh too loudly and failing miserably.

"Ha, ha," Siri muttered, still radiating embarrassment, but he could also sense the underlying amusement at the situation (and a touch of pride at the Obi-Wan's comment). "Come on, Hero with No Fear."

Anakin was sure the annoyed look he'd meant to shoot at her was completely undermined by the amusement he was still trying to rein in.

xXx

AN: I have to admit, that last scene is one of my favorites. lol

I would like to thank Carradee, Khalthar and Quathis for their beta-reading skillz and amazing support.

Also, I do read every review I get, even if I don't get around to replying to them. I love reading them, though, and they give me ideas, point out issues I can address later, etc. So, thank you to everyone who has read this or any of my other stories.

And for those of you who don't know, I updated/revamped (again, lol) Hindsight is not Perfect, the first story in this series. Nothing really major changed, but I did end up splitting up some chapters (that were like 20 pages long... HOW did that happen?!), added a couple of little thoughts in here and there, just wanted to make it flow better, etc. So if you got that update for Hindsight and was confused, well, that's what happened.


	14. Chapter 14

To say Anakin wasn't looking forward to meeting Dooku again that night would be an understatement similar to calling the Death Star large. The very thought made Anakin sick. He didn't feel angry about it, for once (maybe he was finally breaking that habit? He hoped so because that would be _something_ good to come of the situation), but more resigned and tired. Between the emotional and mental exhaustion of the past few days combined with him having to potentially perform an extremely undesirable task, it was all he could do to make it to his classes that day.

During their lunch break, he sat at his usual table, missing Coira rather sorely as she would be eating in the cafeteria reserved for knights and padawans. Maelee, the only other person there who knew more about him, kept shooting him worried glances, but didn't seem to know how to approach him about it. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful or disappointed.

After their group had finished eating, they all decided to spend the rest of the time block in the Room of a Thousand Fountains and all made their way there. Hik'te spoke excitedly with Tru and Darra, with Maelee following close behind. Then Thoran and Hale and finally Anakin, who trailed after them on autopilot as he tried not to think of what he would have to do later that night.

Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised when he finally noticed the large, quiet boy by his side, but he was. Mentally, he kicked himself for not paying attention to his surroundings. He was in the temple, true, but that didn't mean nothing could happen.

Before they got to the room, Hale held out an arm in front of Anakin, gesturing to the side of the hall and away from their little group (who didn't notice, apparently). They went down the hall's off-shoot just a little ways before Hale turned to face him.

"Hale... is everything okay?" Anakin asked, a little worried.

"I was just going to ask you the same thing," the older boy said, a troubled expression on his face.

Anakin blinked. And the observant children strike again.

"Am I that obvious?" he asked quietly.

Hale rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Not this time, no. I mean, you're quieter, but you've been talking normally so," he faded off with a shrug.

"It's nothing," the time-traveler said after a moment, repressing a tired sigh.

Hale's frown deepened. "I promised Coira that I'd look after you while she's not here," he said. Anakin's eyebrows rose. What? "And right now, I know it isn't nothing."

Anakin found himself smiling a sad little thing that hopefully showed his regret. He wasn't about to go sharing everything with even more children. He'd been lucky Coira and Maelee could keep it quiet. Not that Hale couldn't, but the fewer people who knew, the better. He still regretted it a bit as he could tell that the other boy was genuinely worried.

"It's not something I can discuss right now," he said. "But I have spoken of it to Master Yoda, so I promise it's been addressed."

Hale still didn't look happy, but he did nod his head. "Good. She'll be glad to know you're starting to care about yourself more."

And with that, he gestured with his head back towards the hall, obviously with the intent to catch up to the rest of their group. He left Anakin wondering if all children except him had been born insightful.

He did find himself smiling as he followed Hale to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. It felt good to realize that there were people watching out for him again, even if they hadn't gone through puberty yet. They seemed better for him than most adults in his former life had been. He wasn't sure what that said about him... or them. Or both, perhaps. And at the moment, he couldn't bring himself to care.

xXx

"Hey, you can do this," Siri said to Anakin as she dropped him off at their rendezvous point. Today she was dressed in more normal clothing, albeit the outfit looked more akin to what someone would wear to go clubbing in. Well, to Anakin it _seemed_ more conservative somehow, even if the outfit covered just about as much as the other one had. Of course, this time she left her robe and an extra change of clothing with him, and he'd leave said clothing here at the little motel room they'd rented specifically to get ready. Then Siri had shown up, already ready to go and Anakin had wondered what the point was. Ah, well. At least she wouldn't have to mind-trick everyone in tonight's bar into thinking that she worked there and have to leave in a hurry rather than have a confrontation in front of a potential darksider.

Tonight, she'd be going into the bar alone, as a patron. She didn't have the time to get herself situated as a worker in this bar, nor did she have the inclination after the last one had turned out. She said she'd just have to subtly mind-trick anyone who hit on her who she couldn't shut down with a couple of well-placed words.

Anakin shifted his bundle of limbs and went to get out of the speeder, far more slowly than he normally would have. He could do this, yes. Didn't mean he wanted to. He still sent Siri a nod and what he hoped was a reassuring smile. She didn't look convinced, but drove off so he must have been somewhat successful.

He let himself into the room and dropped the bag on the old bed. At least it was clean. In a couple of minutes, Anakin had the limbs and mask strapped on. Leaving Siri's change of clothes with the bag behind him, he ducked out and made his way to the new bar.

He doubted they'd stay there for long.

He waited until Siri had been in for a little while before he went in himself. It was still fairly early as far as the night life went, and so not too crowded. Anakin once again found Dooku sitting towards the back at a rather secluded table. Siri was seated at the bar near the man and she nodded minutely at Anakin as he passed. He still scanned the room and felt for disturbances. Just because Siri had cased the joint didn't mean he should slack off. Thankfully, he found nothing.

"Ah, Luke," Dooku said as Anakin sat down. "Good evening."

"Count Dooku," the former Sith replied, hoping he didn't sound as stiff as he felt.

"How was your day?" Dooku asked, perusing the menu.

Anakin frowned, then shook his head. The truth had worked with the man so far, so why not? "You have my apologies, but I am far too concerned about what you are proposing to make small talk tonight." And apparently far too uptight to use the more casual slang he'd been trying to cultivate to get away from Vader's hard-won upper-class accent the Emperor had insisted upon. He never had fully mastered it, but he'd come pretty close and had spoken like that for so long...

Hale had said he was speaking 'normally' (like an eleven-year-old former slave – something he still had to concentrate on doing) earlier that day, but he couldn't help being grateful that he didn't have to bother in his Luke Lars disguise.

Dooku eyed him for a couple of moments before he set the menu down and nodded. "Understandable."

They sat there in awkward silence for a bit before Anakin spoke.

"Are you _positive_ you want to try this?"

The Count thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "I've made up my mind, Luke." Well, at least he'd gotten to where he could use the name smoothly. Typical Dooku, looking and acting completely unruffled even in the worst situations.

Anakin slumped just a little. "Very well," he said softly, "I will help you as best I can."

The older man blinked for a couple of moments before he smiled warmly. "Thank you, Luke."

"But, I have to clarify some things: First, I have no idea if this will work at all. You may not be able to touch the dark side without Falling completely."

Dooku nodded and held up a hand. "If that happens and I lose my head, please kill me."

Anakin felt his breath catch in his throat. He hadn't killed since he'd come back... he didn't want to. It felt too much like Vader... And yet, he had to give Dooku _some_ reassurance. So he nodded, slowly.

"You have my word."

The former Jedi smiled a little sadly at Anakin. "Thank you."

More silence until Anakin decided to continue with his explanation. "Secondly, I have... instructed apprentices in both the dark side and the light side... neither one of those situations turned out very well." Although, one of his apprentices had turned out pretty amazing despite his inadequacies. "I'm positive part of that is because I am not the best teacher."

Dooku frowned, but nodded again.

"And lastly, I have a colleague who will accompany us. You have my word that she is trustworthy, and she will likely not take any part in any instruction or experimentation."

That seemed to surprise the Count as he didn't seem to know what to think of that.

"A... colleague. Is she... Force Sensitive?"

Anakin nodded.

"A... darksider, as you so aptly put it?"

"No," Anakin shook his head. He could tell Dooku wanted to ask more, but the man refrained, for which Anakin couldn't help but be grateful.

"As long as she can be trusted," he finally said, sounding unsure for the first time.

"I guarantee you, she can be."

Dooku still didn't look pleased, but he did concede. Probably understood that if he rejected Siri's involvement, it would be a deal-breaker for Anakin.

"I must insist that we begin as soon as possible," the Count said, coming forth with his own terms.

Anakin nodded grimly. "I thought as much. She will meet us at a rendezvous point tonight."

Dooku's shoulders relaxed a little. Apparently he hadn't thought Anakin would agree to that. "I see you are treating this with the proper gravitas and support. I thank you for it."

The former Sith only nodded, not really trusting himself to speak further.

"I must insist that we have dinner, though." Anakin wondered how the man could eat. Although, he could use a good, stiff drink at the moment. Was it worth Siri's wrath when she saw? Because he doubted he could hide it from her with how clumsy he still was with these limbs. He could pass off as an alien, but he couldn't work slight of hand. Hmm... no, probably not. More's the pity.

"Very well," he said, perusing the menu and the soups they had. It would probably be all he could swallow anyway. As discreetly as he could (mainly, under the table where Dooku couldn't see) he signed to Siri that they'd be there for a bit longer so at least one of them could be comfortable while they waited for Dooku to finish his meal.

xXx

Thankfully, Dooku and Anakin finished eating at about the same time. After Dooku covered the tab, they both got up and left, Anakin following Dooku (figuring the man turning his back to him was also him saying 'I trust you'... or 'I have to trust you' – Anakin wasn't sure which one bothered him more).

They caught an air-taxi close to the rendezvous point and then Anakin directed Dooku to a turbo lift before following him in, not quite able to completely trust the man himself.

He couldn't help but feel that this had all the markings of a remarkable failure waiting to happen. He wondered if they could withstand the fallout...

'They' meaning the galaxy.

The two of them exited at the right level, one with just enough grime to show its age and general state of care (not a lot) while being industrial enough to be practically deserted. Anakin showed Dooku to one of the buildings – this one wasn't abandoned, but it was rented out on a flexible basis by a... less than reputable person. It loomed in the dark shadows and dim lights of the Coruscanti underworld like a beast, ready to swallow them all whole.

Anakin didn't even pause as he walked inside as he and Siri had made sure to take out all of the security before-hand, even the hidden security. That didn't mean he wasn't on edge. He'd scanned the whole thing with the Force a half-dozen times before they'd even gotten out of the speeder. He could sense no one inside, and the security they had set up hadn't been disturbed, so he tried to act as confident as he could instead, hoping some of that false bravado could get him through what was to come.

He and Siri had set up a little room off to one side with some chairs and little else. It felt a bit like an interrogation room, although Anakin wasn't sure who was being interrogated at this point. He took a seat as gracefully as he could in the stilts as Dooku walked to the seat across from him.

"Before we get started," Dooku began, reaching into his robe. Anakin tensed for a moment, then relaxed as the older man pulled out a data pad and held it out. Anakin took it carefully and began to look through the information on it. "I've taken the liberty of looking up different ways to help or prevent addiction in the medical field. You likened the dark side to a drug, so I thought this might help."

Anakin blinked behind his mask. This wasn't a bad thought... but it was one he couldn't see helping the situation. He tried to look as graceful as possible as he worked with his motor control to overlook the information on the pad. He hadn't done much in the way of finer functions when he'd had the arm extensions on before. Whether he managed or not, Dooku didn't say anything, so he just went on. He examined the procedures outlined in the different articles, but once he got to the end, he sighed and handed the data pad back.

"There is one major problem I can see with this," Anakin said. "The substances for these procedures are highly controlled and given to the patient under watchful care... but all of that is rather negated when you have ready access to the addictive substance. There is no way I – or anyone, really – could limit your use of the dark side without cutting you off from the Force altogether." Well, there were ways to cut people off from one side of the Force, but they required some pretty specialized objects that Anakin didn't have access to at this point. And neither did Dooku, he was sure.

Dooku sighed and nodded grimly. "Yes, I saw that as well. But since the thought had merit..." he trailed off.

The former Sith nodded in agreement. "It was a good idea," he said.

The older man shot Anakin a dry look. "I don't need pity or condescension."

Anakin held up his hands. "That was not my intention, and I apologize if it came off that way."

Dooku looked at Anakin for a couple more seconds before deflating. "No, I suppose you didn't."

They were both on edge, and they knew it. This went against everything Anakin had ever said to the man, and against everything Dooku had ever been taught. He supposed it was natural they'd both be nervous.

Anakin cleared his throat and figured he could share his own thoughts while they waited for Siri. "I'd actually like to inform you of my own idea. Coming back from the dark was… difficult, to say the least, and not all of that has to do with the emotional and mental states of the person in question. The techniques tend to be different because the goals of those who touch each side are different. For instance, Jedi meditation is difficult to achieve as a darksider. The light, however, tends to be a little more flexible."

Dooku cocked his head to one side. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I still have… difficulties meditating in more conventional ways. The dark side lends itself to intense passion. One learns to focus on an emotion – an intense emotion, such as anger or hatred – to touch the darkness and meditate. The traditional light techniques tend to focus on nothing and allow oneself to become one with the Force much like a blank slate. I currently meditate by focusing on an intense, positive emotion as it is a sort of half-way point – a bridge between the two techniques, if you will.

"If you are amenable we could try to teach you that technique but… I am unsure as to whether we have enough time for you to fully adapt to and thus adopt it."

Dooku thought about his words for several seconds before shaking his head. "It is a good idea, and I agree that if we had more time, it would be promising, but I was a Jedi for years. I avoided intense emotion as often as possible and I can admit that is not a habit I can simply break at the moment."

Anakin's heart sank, just a little. "Yes. I thought you would say that."

He faded off and the room fell into an awkward silence. After a couple of seconds, Dooku took out his comm and checked the time. "When was your... friend supposed to be here?"

Anakin frowned. "She should have been here already." Between his reading Dooku's information and his rejected proposal, it should have given Siri plenty of time.

He got up and walked over to the door, peering out into the empty maze of rooms and hallways outside. Then he took out his comm and called Siri.

"Hello?" she answered, sounding perfectly nonchalant.

"Did you run into a problem?" he asked.

"You could say that. I'm actually pulling up now."

"Alright," Anakin said slowly.

"I decided to change a couple of things. You'll see when I get there. Zora out."

Anakin blinked. Zora? The under-cover persona she'd taken for the slavery gig... that she hadn't gone on in this time. Oh. Well, that seemed appropriate, he supposed.

The woman that walked up to them not two minutes later was not the same woman he'd dropped off at the bar. Anakin raised his eyebrows behind his mask and his first thought was 'how does she have so many wigs?' Her normally blond hair was covered by a short, natural-looking red-haired wig. She had a tattoo on the side of her face and armor befitting a bounty hunter. Where had she gotten _that_?!

The former Sith crossed his arms. He didn't even have to say anything as she just shrugged.

"Sorry I'm late."

Anakin sighed. "You always say that." May as well roll with it, right?

She scoffed. "When was the last time I was late to anything?"

The former Sith just shook his head and turned back to the room. "Count Dooku, meet Zora."

He didn't look too impressed, but he did nod in her direction. "A pleasure."

Siri nodded back to him, barely polite, before turning back to Anakin. "So I just sit here and make sure he doesn't go crazy?"

Anakin put a hand to his forehead and found himself even more annoyed when the digits met the mask and not his flesh.

"S-Zora," he muttered, barely catching himself. He never had been good at this 'undercover' thing.

"You asked me to be here," she said pointedly as she strode past him. A third chair had been set up in the corner and she took to it with a casual plop. "Don't mind me."

Dooku's expression could have sucked water out of the air on Tatooine. "She's not dark, you say?"

Anakin sent his general disapproval through their bond to Siri. "'Rude' is not necessarily synonymous for 'dark'."

"Hmm," Dooku replied, shooting one last look at Siri. Then he dismissed her and turned to Anakin. "Shall we, then?"

xXx

Anakin started by going into a deeper explanation on the theories around emotional focal points and how to use them to draw on the dark side. He also touched on how they were necessary for maximum control and power, before going on to describe some specific techniques of Sith meditation. He also explained the difference between asking for help from the Force normally and demanding subservience from the darkness. He then reiterated how one cannot waver or the dark side could swallow a person. That was only one of may ways in which it would completely twist everything about the user. Dooku nodded along, asking appropriate questions in that all-too-calm voice of his. While he appreciated the Count and his stoicism, it still didn't help Anakin's nerves much.

Eventually, they decided to try and see what he could do with mildly negative emotions first, mainly due to the older man's suggestion.

While he agreed to the experiment, Anakin knew it was a lost cause from the beginning. Mildly negative emotions, unless tied into something much stronger, just didn't have the necessary power behind them to motivate one into touching the dark side, let alone control it. Still, Dooku did everything Anakin told him to, focused on his emotions, tried to use that to his advantage, demanded the Force come to him…

It didn't.

Half an hour later, Anakin sat back in his chair, calming his annoyance by releasing it to the Force.

He sighed. "I know we have not been working on this long," he finally said, "but I... really just do not think a controlled fall is possible in the time we have. It goes against the very nature of the dark side."

Dooku, looking frustrated gave a small, 'humph'. Then said, "It seems the Sith holocron I studied at the temple was correct after all."

Anakin blinked. "At the temple?"

The former Jedi nodded. "I... came across one while I lived in the Jedi temple. I... didn't entirely trust what it told me."

The former Sith blinked. Not entirely trusting what a Sith holocron told you wasn't exactly a stupid idea... but he couldn't help but wonder how long the older man had been disillusioned by the Jedi. Just how much had the dark side influenced him, with or without his knowing? And why hadn't he mentioned it before?

"Did it... match with the rest of what I said?"

Dooku scoffed. "Not entirely. And I was more inclined to trust your word."

Anakin felt a twinge of pride – and even warmth – at that. So he had won over the man, even if only a little. Then he frowned.

"So you believe me over the holocron, but in this case I was incorrect?"

The Count studied Anakin for a bit, then shook his head. "No. You said this was highly unlikely. The holocron said it was impossible. Not in so many words, as that was not what I was studying at the time, but that is the gist."

Ah.

They fell into a silence that stretched for several seconds before Dooku tentatively, he spoke up. "If I may be so bold... how did you Fall?"

Anakin stiffened and he felt Siri do the same through their bond, even if he couldn't see her so much as twitch a muscle from her lazy position. He reclassified her undercover skills, moving them from 'good' to 'excellent'. He shouldn't be surprised with how often she'd been tasked for work like that in their previous life. It was still something to note a master at her craft.

It only took him a moment to realize he'd thought on a tangent again and pulled himself back to the question at hand, as undesirable as it was.

"I..." he wasn't sure he was willing to tell his story to Dooku, of all people... and yet... Maybe if he could speak to the Count about everything, the man would understand how futile the whole situation was and give it up. One could hope. Anakin bit his lip, but decided to push aside his own fears for the sake of the galaxy.

His Obi-Wan would be so proud.

"My... fall was a... combination of many things," he said softly. "I had so much on my plate, was hiding some pretty big secrets and had a certain Sith Lord convince me that he was a good confidant." Dooku raised his eyebrows, but otherwise didn't react, so Anakin continued.

"Someone I... cared very deeply for – my secret wife," may as well give him as encompassing of a picture as possible, "was pregnant. I was fighting a war and had the atrocities of that in my recent background and I began to have visions of her dying in childbirth. I was desperate to save her and convinced that the friends I had at the time wouldn't understand. Like I said, we'd kept our relationship secret."

Dooku raised an eyebrow. "Some friends."

Anakin tried to shrug nonchalantly. He wasn't sure how well he pulled it off. "The situation in general was my fault as much as it was theirs." Or more. "In any case, I finally went to the Sith for some council. He told me he could save her, but only if I joined him. At first I refused, but when I brought his works to light, my friends decided to fight him then and there."

At this, the Count raised an eyebrow. "Fighting a Sith? Were they mad?"

The time-traveler sighed. "Just desperate. They wanted the war to end and were willing to kill him to do it. But if I lost him, I lost my chance to save my wife." He snorted derisively. "The son of a bantha set it up so well. I had a choice to make – help my 'friends' who I couldn't trust, or him, who could possibly save my wife and children. I... chose him." He swallowed. "I chose wrong. My wife died anyway, but by that time..." he shook his head. "The man had me believing that I killed her myself. With the power-high I'd been on... it wasn't exactly implausible." He was still convinced her death was on his hands.

He felt Siri reach out to him through their bond and he sent a feeling of gratitude back. He needed (and appreciated) the support right now.

"It took me far too long after that to realize what he'd done and just how he'd set it up. Then it took me nearly two decades to find the motivation to stop and fight back."

Dooku frowned. "That is... quite a long time." Anakin could see the gears in his head turning. Likely trying to put together a timeline, probably realizing that not everything matched up. Where had 'Luke Lars' been after this so-called fall of his? How had this gone on when Sidious was running for office and serving in the Senate? He just went with the first excuse he could think of.

"It was," he confirmed. "I mostly ran errands for him in the outer rim," he said, truthfully. "I rarely had extended contact with him after that." And when he had, it had been...

Anakin shuddered.

He got a hold of himself again quickly before fixing his eyes back on Dooku. The man had more questions, but he must have decided against asking them in favor of voicing some observations.

"It seemed he used more than... anger to turn you," the Count commented. "I was under the impression that that is the... normal rout a fallen Jedi takes."

Anakin bit his lip, thinking carefully before he spoke. "The best dark side techniques are fueled by anger, yes, but no darksider uses only anger. They tie into other emotions to make the anger and hate stronger – similar to a feedback loop. Desperation, for instance, is a very powerful tool."

Dooku sighed. "Then it seems I am not... desperate enough."

He frowned thoughtfully. "You have mentioned that you have trained apprentices before." Anakin nodded carefully. "How would one go about training a child in use of the dark side?"

The former Sith tried not to flinch. He wasn't sure how successful he was.

"Torture," he said softly.

Dooku's eyes widened. "Pardon me?"

Anakin looked away. "If one can find an apprentice who is already angry, all the better. But to break someone, they are put through mental and/or physical torture. But breaking people who have a solid emotional and mental foundation is far more difficult – and time consuming – than it may sound. Sith are always on the look out for someone ripe for the picking, so to speak, because this, once again, minimizes effort and maximizes 'output'."

The Count frowned again. "I am not exactly the epitome of an emotionally unstable person. So, why does he want me?"

Anakin scoffed softly as he sat forward. "Isn't it obvious? It's a matter of skill. He doesn't have the time or patience to train a new apprentice, so he is seeking someone who already has a lot of what _can_ transfer from one side to the other under their belt – someone who is useful to him. That is all. He is using your frustration with the Jedi and perhaps even the death of your Padawan to get to you."

Dooku's fists tightened on his lap, perhaps from Anakin saying those words so easily, or perhaps from the truth of them. Anakin wasn't sure.

He also wasn't sure he wanted to say what came to his mind next, but after several awkward moments of silence, he opened his mouth, the words coming out slowly, carefully, almost afraid they would break something. They just might.

"That anger – at him using you like that – at the Jedi for not listening – at the Sith for killing your former apprentice – at the general state of the galaxy and the corruption in the Republic – that, Count, is what could turn you."

The white-haired man looked up in surprise, then back down at his hands. His jaw set in determination and Anakin felt a sense of foreboding. He shot a look over at Siri, who had shifted into a position that would allow her to rise easily. She nodded at him to let him know she was ready.

Then Dooku thrust his hand out, eyes focused and concentrating. It took a few seconds for a sense of cold to wash through the Force and the ball he'd been focusing on before shot into the air. Siri's hand inched towards where her lightsaber was likely hidden. Anakin, on the other hand, just closed his eyes. Another person on his list of people whose lives would have been better without him in it.

It was so anti-climactic and disheartening and...

He suddenly just felt so... _tired_.

It was official: Count Dooku had Fallen.

After a couple of seconds, the former Jedi looked down at his hand. "Well, that seems like a bit of a waste."

Anakin forced himself to swallow. "Because you can do so much more with it?"

Dooku looked up. His eyes remained their blue-gray color, but there was a hunger there that Anakin did not like. The man didn't answer the question. He didn't have to.

"Perhaps you should see if you can use the Force like normal?" the former Sith suggested as nonchalantly as he could.

The Count blinked at him. "Why?"

A ball of carbonite began to form in Anakin's stomach. He ignored it. "To make sure you have more options available to you."

A tense silence fell over the room as Dooku studied Anakin. Despite him looking at his hand and then the other occupants of the room, the ball still hung in the air. After a couple of seconds, Dooku nodded and the cold dissipated as the ball fell. Before it could roll off the table, though, the former Jedi stretched out his hand and it lifted, far more calmly, into the air again.

Anakin released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. At least that was something. It was a small reassurance in the ocean of grief and self loathing that threatened to overcome him. He clung to it like a dying man would a raft in a storm and hoped that didn't show in his body language.

Dooku seemed surprised as he once again looked down at his hand, leaving the ball hanging in the air.

"It seems Master Yoda was wrong."

Anakin allowed himself to frown, despite the fact that Dooku couldn't see it. "How so?"

The older man waved a hand dismissively. "He said that once you start down the dark path, will it dominate your destiny forever."

The former Sith sighed and slumped a little, still ready to move if he had to, but willing to (having to) give the benefit of the doubt for now. "He isn't entirely wrong," he said softly. "The dark side will always be a part of me – of who I am. No matter how I wish it otherwise." He looked up at Dooku. "And now, you too. You can use the Force like normal, which is good, but that doesn't negate your decision to turn to the darkness."

Dooku hummed and looked down at his hand again. Then the cold was back and Anakin shot a worried glance over at Siri.

"There is so... much here," the Count whispered. "We could do so much! Why wait? Let us go and destroy him now!"

And there was the power high.

Anakin tried not to panic as he shook his head. "If you go to him right now, he will utterly destroy you."

Dooku looked like he honestly couldn't compute that. Definitely a side effect of Falling. Dooku was usually much faster on the uptake.

Then his brow furrowed in the beginnings of anger. And there was the Count Dooku Anakin remembered. "How–"

Anakin cut him off. "Everything you're experiencing right now, he did _decades_ ago. He has power, experience and years of planning on his side. We have one recently turned dark-Jedi, a recovering Sith and a recovering..." he paused, looking over at Siri.

"Force user, bounty hunter, back-up dancer?" she gave a couple of (rather ridiculous or far too vague) suggestions, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

The former Sith rolled his eyes, even if he did appreciate her efforts, then looked back at Dooku. "I know you feel like you can do anything right now, but you can't. Turning to the dark side isn't just a simple step where everything you knew as a Jedi transfers over. Having experience in using the Force _helps_ , but I've already explained how the most useful techniques require a completely different state of mind that takes time and effort to reach." Not that he wanted Dooku to reach that point... again.

It was still looking like the Count was having issues really understanding the concept. Anakin could almost hear him thinking, 'How can I lose with this kind of power at my fingertips? How can it be so different?'

"Even together, we wouldn't stand a chance at the moment," Anakin said, wishing he could rub the bridge of his nose. He'd felt like that a lot as Vader when he couldn't reach his face through the mask... and the memory alone wasn't helping his current situation. He could practically feel his control slipping and had to take several deep breaths to try and calm down, fighting the panic, frustration and sheer exhaustion the entire situation seemed so determined to pile on him.

"Don't count on me, right now," Siri piped in, sounding a bit annoyed herself. She fixed her gaze on Dooku. "I'm still recovering from a rather debilitating spell I had recently. I cannot guarantee I would be able to fight to the degree I would need to throughout an encounter." He heard her steady undertone, and she didn't even look over at Anakin. He got her message anyway. She could feel Anakin's fluctuating emotions and was trying to get the Count to see sense.

She also had a point. That would be an emotionally charged battle and Anakin could easily send her back into a relapse if he wasn't careful.

"Besides, I don't have the skill, at the moment," the time-traveler muttered, his frustration growing. Because despite everything he and Siri had said (and his better judgment), it was a tempting offer. Barge right in with Siri and Dooku in tow and confront Sidious then and there... but he wasn't in a good state of mind and while his lightsaber skills had improved, as had his Force skills while meditating with Master Yaddle, he knew that a confrontation would not end well. They were all unstable and he knew it. With Dooku's recent Fall, the man wasn't in the proper mind-set and Anakin himself... well, he didn't feel the greatest, and he did _not_ want to go through a battle with Sidious. Not only was this a terrible place and time, but with Dooku and Siri there...

No, he had to retreat, before something really bad—

"Very well. Then I will go myself," Dooku said.

Anakin's mind ground to a halt as he watched the Count spin gracefully around and walk towards the door.

"Did you not hear a word he just said?" Siri asked, sounding as incredulous as Anakin felt.

"The words of weak cowards," the man said with a wave of his hand, brushing off her objection nonchalantly.

Anakin already knew how fast shock, despair and frustration could become anger. He'd known for far too long.

It probably didn't help that Anakin _felt_ like a coward for not confronting Sidious already, or that he was fighting off his own memories of when he'd first fallen and knew the state of mind the older man was in at the moment and that the only thing that would knock some sense into him would be someone forcing him into humility again, or that said man was about to take all of their hard work – everything so many people had been striving towards for the last two years – and throw it all out the window.

Throw Obi-Wan's sacrifice to send him back out the window.

And Anakin saw red.

xXx

Sheev Palpatine blinked, looking up from his data pads and the letter he'd been signing. Then he turned to the large window of his office, carefully allowing a fraction of his power out to feel around. Something had... changed.

It took him a minute or two to figure it out, but when he did, he couldn't help but grin triumphantly.

Dooku had Fallen.

 _Finally_.

He would have to confront him and offer—

Then, a wave of pure power hit the Chancellor hard enough that he actually flinched, dropping the stylus he'd been holding. Then he blinked for a couple of seconds while he regained himself, thankful that no one else had been in his office at the time.

After only a couple of moments, he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a comm unit. He merely opened the holographic keypad and sent a text only message, closing his eyes for only a moment to figure out exactly where he felt the presences. The industrial area... yes. Right on the cusp of this district and the next.

He doubted his men would find anything – was rather sure they wouldn't even be able to find the right building, Force blind as they were. But even slime could get lucky.

Then he put his work off to one side and opened his personal computer. It was time to slice into some of the security holos in the area and see if he could spot something as well.

"Good evening, Lord Vader. Let us see if you can dodge my net this time."

xXx

AN: I'd say I'm sorry for the cliffhanger... but I'm really not. :p ;)

I would like to thank my beta readers, Carradee, Quathis and Khalthar! Thank you guys so much!

So, I have some bad news. My manager (of my webcomic) and I have decided to enter a webcomic contest. For those of you who follow my webcomic Bittersweet... well, this is nothing like that. It's going to be a fantasy about someone learning to trust so they can start healing from childhood abuse, so much more like the Many Sights series. And we'll see if I can do that in 5 episodes. ^^; Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Also, while I don't expect it to affect the posting of this story, having to work on the webomic crunch like that might take away all my time for answering comments (although I read every one of them and love them!) and even posting more of the story. I still plan on posting this once a month (I should be able to get a chapter posted once a month for the next four months), but it really depends on what goes on with the comic.

If you'd like to support my current comic, you can go to Webtoons, search for HACamp and it should come right up. :) Don't forget to rate it (honestly, please). Thank you!

Sorry for the potentially bad news, but please, wish me luck. :) Four months and it'll be over one way or the other. Promise. :D


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